Double Minded
by King in Yellow
Summary: The return of Warmonga leaves Kim, quite literally, beside herself. And while the consequences are bad enough for Kim they prove even more confusing for Ron and Shego. The story does not end with a whimper, but a bang. KR & KiGo. NOT B.E. UNIVERSE.
1. The Magus Zoroaster

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage. 

Someone asked an excruciatingly strained hypothetical question, which gave rise to a better answer by cpneb than I felt the question deserved, which gave rise to this. Don't know if you are familiar with the phrase, "An elephant has given birth to a mouse." But this story squeaks.

This is most definitely not part of the Best Enemies universe. I have never before written something which wasn't complete, but I'm making an exception for this. I don't know when or if it might be continued.

**The Magus Zoroaster, my dear child,  
Met his own image walking in the garden.**

"Okay, why does the name Cyrus Bortel sound familiar?" Shego asked.

"He's head of the Consortium of Unethical Scientists, I've had you break in and steal inventions from him several times," Drakken explained.

"And what is it I'm stealing this time?"

"It's a love potion--"

"Love potion? Are you nuts… Wait, there's no need to answer that question -- you already have with your request."

"I figure one drop in a bottle of my obedience shampoo and--"

"The obedience shampoo that was a total failure?"

"Well, we have five thousand cases of it in the time share lair."

Shego spoke slowly and distinctly, "It cost a fortune to make that stuff. You'll lose money on every bottle sold."

"Volume, the secret is volume!"

Shego shook her head sadly. He signed the paychecks so he called the robberies.

---

"Cyrus Bortel, again?" Kim complained to Wade. "Why doesn't he hire real security?"

"Because you're good for nothing… Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"I know what you mean. Maybe I need to start charging people like Bortel who are just taking advantage of me."

"But you'll take it?"

"I'll take it," Kim sighed.

"Great, I'll get a ride for you and Ron."

"Ron can't make it."

"He can't, are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. He's got a paper a week late for health class and Barkin is threatening to flunk him if he doesn't have it in on Monday. If he flunks we don't graduate together."

The flight was uneventful, and terribly boring. Now that she and Ron were dating the travel had become more fun than the missions themselves.

"All right, what am I helping you with this time?" Kim asked the scientist.

"The Enhanced Response through Olfactory Stimulation Potion works, in part, through pheromones. It makes the wearer more attractive in the eyes of others. There are other properties as well to give the effect greater stability. This concentrate," he said showing her a bottle, "is extremely dangerous. But after I dilute it into a vat of aftershave it will be weak enough to be safe."

_"Piece of cake,"_ Kim thought to herself as the scientist droned on. _"A job this easy is so beneath my abilities."_

_"Piece of cake,"_ Shego thought to herself as she got ready to crash in through the window. _"A job this easy is so beneath my abilities."_

Broken glass sprayed the room as Shego crashed in. She landed on her feet and stared at the young woman already in the room, "Princess?"

"Shego?"

_"Well, beating her just made the job worthwhile,"_ they both thought.

Bortel fled the lab as the two women started fighting. Kim committed the error of making sure he was out of the lab and in the moment of distraction a kick from Shego knocked her back into a lab table, sending several bottles crashing to the floor.

Kim rose from the floor, wiping blood from her cut lip, "Is that the best you've got?"

"Plenty good enough to take you down," the pale woman snarled.

The blue ray that hit Kim took them both by surprise.

"What the hell was that," Shego demanded as she circled, looking for an opening in Kim's defense.

"I don't know. Maybe some sort of intruder alert."

"You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why? I didn't know you cared."

"I don't want you to have any excuse when I beat the crap out of you," Shego hissed as she launched herself at Kim. The younger woman went down and they were rolling on the floor amid the chemicals from the broken bottles.

Outside the lab Bortel turned on the security video system and found, to his horror, the bottle of concentrate for Enhanced Response through Olfactory Stimulation, abbreviated as Eros potion #9, was broken. He had no idea what it might do to the two women and turned the sprinklers on in the lab, washing his fortune down the drain. After its contamination with the other chemicals he would not be able to salvage it for eBay sales the way he had planned.

"I'm finding it real hard to hate you," Shego murmured, staring into Kim's eyes.

"I know the feeling," Kim grunted before hitting Shego in the mouth with her lips.

The water from the sprinklers was cold, and Shego put her arms around Kim and drew the younger woman close. _"Just for warmth,"_ she told herself.

"Sick and wrong," Kim panted when their lips finally parted. Her hands softly caressed Shego's body, her touch bringing little moans of pleasure from the older woman.

"Absolutely," Shego agreed before her lips and tongue went to work on Kim's tender throat.

---

Kim had no idea where she was, or the lab was, or Shego was. But she recognized the huge figure in front of her, "You defeated me," Warmonga announced. "Even though it took two of you. Honor demands I challenge you both to a return fight within two revolutions of my planet. I am here to regain my honor. First I defeat you, then I defeat your friend."

"She's not my friend," Kim told her. "We just both happened to like our planet the way it was."

"Enough. I will defeat you, then her."

"You must really be frightened of me," Kim jeered, "to need a weapon like that to attack an unarmed woman half your size."

"Warmonga needs to no weapon to crush vermin like you," the green giant bellowed.

"Then why are you holding it?" Kim asked sweetly.

Enraged, the giantess threw the weapon to the side and dove at Kim.

---

The sensors in the lab indicated the air was clear. The two women glared at Bortel for interrupting their makeout session. "What have you done to us?" Shego demanded as Kim nuzzled her neck.

"It wasn't supposed to work this way," he told them. "Some of the other chemicals must have mixed in with the Eros potion and produced an unexpected effect."

"We're not complaining," Kim moaned as Shego stuck a tongue in her ear, "but are we going to stay like this?"

"I don't know! It was water soluble. The sprinkler should have washed all the chemicals off you. Unless, of course, it changed your fundamental body chemistry… Maybe some chemicals stuck to your clothes. Perhaps a warm shower--"

"Sounds wonderful," Kim whispered to Shego. "I'll wash your back."

"Uum, I want to wash your front."

---

Kim stood, panting, over the fallen form of Warmonga. She tried very hard not to show how much pain she felt.

"Kill me," the green woman demanded.

"I'm not a killer."

"Kill me, or I will be back again. It is an insult to let me live after a defeat."

"You'll just keep coming back?"

"I can only reclaim my honor with your defeat."

"And it is an insult to let a defeated enemy live?"

The giantess nodded her head yes.

"When you hold your hand like this," Kim explained, "it's called paper. Paper beats rock, that's when your hand is like this. But scissors, when your hand is like this beats paper. However, rock beats scissors."

"I do not understand…"

"Never mind, I'll play fair. On the count of three stick out your hand in one of those three gestures. One… Two… Three."

Kim cheated. She saw Warmonga sticking out a flat hand and quickly curled her hand into a fist. "Paper beats rock. You win. If anyone asks, you defeated me. Why don't you insult me by letting me live to tell others of my humiliation?"

"That was a victory?"

"We are a small and puny race compared with your people. It's not even worth your time to try and conquer us."

"Yes, that is true," said the giantess, visibly brightening as she convinced herself of this truth. "Your world has nothing of interest to my people."

"Oh mighty conqueror, could you please restore your defeated foe to her home before you return to your glorious planet?"

"Yes, I will. To show you the power of my people."

Kim breathed a little sigh of relief. Shego must have stolen the Eros potion after Warmonga beamed her aboard her ship. Kim would get a good night's rest before she had any chance of fighting her other green foe.

---

"Kim," Shego complained, "If you don't keep your hands off me I'm going to crash the jet. Pull that zipper back up."

"You never let me have any fun," Kim pouted.

"We've only been madly in love for an hour and a half. And I think we've already packed some fun in there."

"Not enough." Kim was silent for a minute. "What will my mom and dad say when we tell them we're in love?"

"I have to go in with you?"

"We're not going all the way until we stand in front of them and tell them how much we love each other."

"Oh, swell," Shego grumbled, "they're going to love that."

"They love me and always support me in my choices. They'll learn to accept you."

---

Kim called Ron before she went inside her house "Every muscle in my body hurts," she complained. "Why don't you come over? I'm going to take a shower and then I really need a back rub and some TLC."

"I'll be there KP, sorry I couldn't be along to help you."

"You couldn't have helped Ron, I was the one she was after."

Kim called to announce her presence to her mother as she got in the door, then headed upstairs for a long, hot shower.

---

Kim pointed her window out to Shego, "Can you sneak in there? It's going to take me a little while to prepare mom and dad for the fact I'm in love with you."

"Every minute will seem like an hour until your return."

"You love me that much?"

"No, I bore easily. Don't take too long, Princess," Shego said, pulling Kim close and giving her a deep kiss.

---

Ron had arrived slightly before Kim and Shego. He was in the television room killing time when Kim walked in the front door. He ran to her as quickly as he could and threw his arms around her, "I'm here for you, O beacon of my existence."

He stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped him. "Don't you ever touch me again," she hissed.

---

Shego went for stealth rather than speed in breaking in to Kim's room, which meant it was several minutes before she eased in. She locked the window behind her and was wondering where to relax when the door to the bathroom open, and Kim, wearing nothing but a towel, came into the room. Shego gave her a smile and a hug, "Sure you want to wait until we've told your mom and dad?"

She stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped her. "Don't you ever touch me again," she hissed.


	2. Curiouser and Curiouser

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

**Author's Note**: No plans exist for a chapter 3, but there were no plans for a chapter 2.

**Curiouser and Curiouser**

Shego stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped her. "Don't you ever touch me again," Kim hissed.

Shego stood, unmoving and uncertain what to do after Kim's rebuff. Kim, on the other hand, had no wish to fight in the buff and turned and sprinted back into the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and pulled the mission clothes she'd just taken off out of the hamper. She worried she was too sore to fight, but she wasn't about to let Shego invade her home and fondle her in her own room.

---

Ron stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped him. "Don't you ever touch me again," Kim hissed.

Ron stood, unmoving and uncertain as Kim stepped back, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, Ron," she apologized. "I'm sorry, I overreacted. You're my best friend and that's not going to change, but something happened on today's mission. It's going to be hard for you to accept, and I'm sorry, but… Look, we'll talk in a minute. I have to check on something.

Her words ran through his mind, 'You're my best friend and that's not going to change, but something happened on today's mission…' _"She's dumping me,"_ Ron realized. _"She's dumping me."_

Kim reached her room to find Shego at the open window. "It took you longer to get in than I thought it would," she teased.

"What are you talking about?" Shego demanded, wondering how Kim had gotten dressed so quickly.

"It looks like you just got here."

"Just got here? I'm leaving. You just came in from the shower and slapped me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

They stared at each other in amazement. "Look, the chemicals must have affected the perceptions on one of us--"

_"Obviously you,"_ Shego thought.

"…but I know this. I love you and want to be with you." The two threw their arms around each other and kissed.

---

Kim dressed as quickly as she could, expecting Shego's plasma bursts to break in the door at any moment. She needed rest and was in no condition to fight. What she had to do was warn her family and get them safely out of the house. It would be too dangerous to try and go back through her room, so Kim opened the window and dropped down to the ground below. She went around the house and found a depressed Ron in the front hall when she opened the door.

"Ron, thank goodness you're here! Shego's upstairs. She put some moves on me and I slapped her."

Ron stared at her. "Kim, you just came in. I gave you a hug and you slapped me."

"What are you talking about? I dropped out of the bathroom window and just got here. I haven't seen you today."

"What are you talking about? Wait a minute, in today's fight, did you take any blows to the head?"

"Well, yeah, a couple. Hey! What are you suggesting?"

"I'm just saying you told me we were breaking up, and now you're talking like nothing wrong has gone on."

"Ron, I love you. I'd never break up with you."

"All I know, KP, is that you--"

She shut him up by pulling him close and kissing him. When the kiss ended she asked softly, "Was that the kiss of a woman breaking up with you?"

"Huh? Wha?" a dazed Ron stammered.

_"Darn,"_ Kim thought to herself, _"I was too busy kissing Ron to remember I've got to warn people that Shego is here."_

---

"Just sit down for a minute," Kim told Shego. "I need to go see mom and dad, let them know I got home from the mission okay and drop a few hints to prepare them for the news."

"Okay, Princess, but I don't appreciate that slappy thingie."

Kim shook her head as she headed downstairs. Shego was having hallucinations of some sort.

She found her parents in the kitchen. Her father was reading the sports section of The Examiner while her mom worked on supper.

"How was the mission, Kimmie-cub?" he asked, not looking up from the paper.

"Great dad, but, um, can I invite someone special for dinner tonight?"

"You don't have to ask if Ron can eat here," her mother smiled, "he's almost family."

"It's not Ron," Kim blushed. "There's this girl… A woman really. I've known her… You've met her, but--"

"That's fine dear," her mother said, "invite her for supper."

Kim shook her head, wishing her parents would pay more attention. "Can I have a snack before supper?"

"The bananas are very good," her father suggested, still not looking up from the paper.

Kim sighed and pulled a banana off the bunch, parents could be difficult. She went back to find out if Shego was still having the hallucinations.

---

Kim came skidding into the kitchen, "Mom! Dad! You have to get out of the house!"

"Why, dear," her father asked, not looking up from the paper.

"Shego! She's upstairs in my room."

"Is she the woman you asked if you could invite to supper," her mother asked, pausing from peeling vegetables.

"Shego? The woman I wanted to invite to dinner?"

"Yes dear, you asked just now."

Perhaps Professor Dementor had hit her parents with an insanity ray, or maybe Drakken… Drakken, yes, that would explain Shego being in her room. She needed to question the green woman and find out what was happening. But first, she was starving. "Can I have a snack before supper?"

"The bananas are still very good," her father suggested, still not looking up from the paper. "I thought you just had one."

"Don't eat too many," her mother warned her, "you'll ruin your appetite."

Kim sighed and pulled a banana off the bunch; her parents were insane. She went back to interrogate Shego.

"Did Kim seem odd to you?" Anne asked.

"I didn't notice anything unusual."

---

Ron had recovered enough from Kim's kiss to throw his arms around her as she came through on her way to see Shego. "You are wonderful! I thought you were breaking up with me! I get so insecure--"

She pushed him away as he tried to kiss her. "Ron, I told you. Stop that. Look, I really do like you. And I'm sorry this is going to hurt you so much. But after what happened today I do need to break up with you."

His shriek of "NOOOOOO!" could be heard as far as north Lowerton. He dropped to the floor and curled up in a fetal position.

"We'll talk more, I'll try and explain. But right now I've really got to make a pit stop. Here, hold this for me." She handed him the banana peel, which he accepted numbly, and she headed for the bathroom.

---

Ron's cry detoured Kim from her way upstairs to find out what was wrong. She feared Shego had attacked him. She found him curled up in pain on the floor and dropped to her knees beside him. "Are you all right? What's wrong?"

"My heart," he gasped. "It's breaking."

She took his head gently between her hands and turned his face toward hers. "What are you talking about?"

"You told me it was over between us!"

"We just had that conversation, Ron. I'm not dumping you, remember?"

"But just now-- You--"

"Hush, Ron, I love you. Nothing can change that."

She kissed him. Much as he loved her kiss Ron realized Kim had definitely taken one too many blows to the head in today's fight. She was wildly delusional. Of course, as long as she kept kissing him when she was in her right mind… _"No, get thought out of head. Must talk with her mother."_

"Feeling better now?" she whispered.

"Much," he answered honestly.

"Good, I've got to see if Shego is still in my room. Here, hold this." She handed him a banana peel and headed for her bedroom.

She wondered why he was holding another banana peel. He wondered why Kim was eating so many bananas, and if Shego really was in Kim's room.

Kim found Shego sitting where Kim had left her. The villainess rose to her feet and headed for the redhead with a smile as soon as she walked in the door, "Hey, sweetness, how did your mom and dad take the news about us?"

Kim put out her arm to keep Shego from hugging her. Apparently the insanity ray had affected Shego as well. Fear flashed through Kim's mind -- perhaps she also had been hit with the insanity ray, but she dismissed the idea. She was thinking rationally, it was everyone around her who was acting out of character.

"Do you know anything about an insanity ray Drakken was working on?" Kim demanded.

"Kiss first."

"No kisses. We hate each other, remember?"

"Don't tease me like this."

_"Okay, Shego is completely around the bend."_ "When did this happen?"

Shego looked at her, puzzled, "During our fight at Bortel's lab, of course."

Kim knew there had been no fight at Bortel's lab. Warmonga's transporter ray had beamed her to the alien's ship just as the fight started. "Look, Shego, something happened to you--"

"I know," she smiled, "isn't it weird and wonderful? Who'd have thunk it, the two us."

"There is no us," Kim hissed. "You're insane. We need to get you cured so you can hate me again like I hate you!"

It was a defensive move Kim had never experienced before from Shego. The older woman started crying, "But I love you!" The strategy worked. Kim went into retreat mode and fled the room. Obviously Shego was in no position to help find the source of the craziness.

---

Kim emerged from the bathroom and headed upstairs to the woman she loved. She found Shego curled up on her bed. And while that, as a general statement, sounded wonderful to Kim the older woman was crying. "What's wrong," Kim asked, sitting down beside her.

"You hate me!"

"I don't hate you, I love you."

"You just said you hated me."

Kim wondered if the chemicals had manipulated Shego's mind as well as their emotions. "I told you to wait here while I asked if you could stay for dinner. Mom said it was fine to invite you… Well, I didn't actually say it was you. I said a special woman. That's you."

"But just now--"

Kim shut her up with a kiss. Shego worried Kim was losing her mind. It didn't matter. She loved the younger woman and would stick with her through whatever happened."

As the kiss ended Kim sighed. "I just feel sorry for Ron."

"Ron?"

"Yeah, he's a great guy. But he's not going to take breaking up well."

Shego thought for moment. "This is weird. But I can empathize with the sidekick. I know it was a chemical reaction that brought us together, but now it would hurt like hell to lose you."

Kim smiled, "I'm not going to lose you."

Eventually the kiss ended, "Come on," Kim whispered, "time to meet the folks."

They walked downstairs, hand-in-hand.

Shego and Kim froze as they reached the kitchen doorway. Ron and Kim were already seated at the table. Startled, Kim's mom dropped the platter holding the roast beef, which shattered loudly as it hit the floor.

Kims' right hands shot out, pointing at Kim. "CLONE!" she screamed at herself.


	3. I Am Spartacus

The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

**I Am Spartacus**

The two Kims confronted herself in the kitchen. Startled, Kim's mom dropped the platter holding the roast beef, which shattered loudly as it hit the floor.

Kims' right hands shot out, pointing at Kim. "CLONE!" she screamed at herself.

Both Kims went for the refrigerator. The seated Kim was closer, but at a disadvantage because the table restricted her ability to stand. The standing Kim had the table between her position and the 'fridge. As she leaped across the table plates and glasses crashed to the ground, adding to the chaos.

Kims reached the refrigerator at the same instant. They jerked open the doors and their hands collided as they sought to grab the same can of diet soda. Their hands collided again as they gave up on the first can simultaneously and reached for a second. Then each grabbed the can closest to her, Kims shook the cans then popped them open -- spraying the other Kim with soda. They glared at each other for a minute, expecting to see the other dissolve into a puddle of bubbling green slime.

"Uh, KP," Ron suggested, "wasn't it supposed to be real soda instead of diet?"

"Sugar! Thanks Ron," the Kims said together.

"Kim, stop it this instant," her mother demanded.

"Sorry, mom," they said, "got to take care of the clone first."

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending upon your perspective, the tweebs had root beer cooling in the 'fridge, which soon was warming on the two Kims -- neither of whom had the decency to dissolve into green slime.

While the Kims stood, panting in rage and glaring at each other, Shego pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. "Nice clone, Stoppable, where did you get her?"

"My Kim a clone? No way Shego! I got the genuine twenty-four carrot Kim."

"I think you mean carat," she told him.

While Ron pondered how she could tell the difference it became apparent that the largest case of rage in the room came not from either of the Kims, but was directed towards them, "KIM!"

"Yes, mom," they said sheepishly.

"You will clean this kitchen, and I mean a thorough cleaning. How could you make a mess like this?"

"But she--" each said, glaring at the other.

"Clean!"

"Sorry, let me get a mop--" They glared again, "I'll get the mop, not you," they said together.

"No. You will first go take a shower and wash the soda off," she told them. She handed them each a dishtowel. "But dry some of it off now. I won't have you leaving sticky tracks through the house."

"But I just took a shower," one complained.

"Dibs on first shower," the other called.

"I won't let you use my bathroom!"

"Your bathroom? I won't let you use my bathroom!"

"Mine!" "Mine!"

"QUIET!" Anne Possible ordered. She pointed to one Kim, "Use my bathroom."

The other Kim started to smirk at her, "And you," Anne continued, pointing to the second Kim, "use the twins' bathroom."

"Mom! That's no fair!"

"March!"

"Want me to come along and wash your back again?" Shego asked, not completely certain to which Kim she was making her offer.

"Shhh," a Kim shushed her.

"Kimberly Ann Possible!"

Neither spoke, they both headed for the door.

"Stop right there, young lady." They both stopped -- one with a sense of fear because she heard the sound of the celestial trumpet calling her home in her mother's voice. The other stopped with a sense of glee -- the clone was in trouble. "Why were you in the shower with Shego?"

"You're going to catch it now," one Kim taunted the other.

"Ah, mom. I take showers with girls in gym class all the time. And after cheerleader practice I shower with the other cheerleaders."

"And do you wash each other's backs?" Anne asked.

"Or fronts?" Shego added helpfully.

"You're still evil! Are you trying to get me grounded?" Kim snapped.

"You were the one who told me we weren't going all the way unless I was honest with your folks."

"Going all the way? We will talk about this later," Anne Possible said through gritted teeth. "March."

The Kims reluctantly left the room, at least her family was safe from the clone while the fake took a shower.

"Ah, man," Ron complained to Shego, "you got to shower with her?"

Shego grinned and nodded yes.

"How long have the two of you been, you know?"

The pale woman checked her watch, "If you mean 'a couple', four hours and fifty-one minutes."

"No fair at all. We've been dating for months and I've only been able to cop a feel through her sweater."

Shego arched an eyebrow and gave him a smile, "You snooze, you lose. Or maybe it's because she's always preferred girls."

Anne still showed signs of anger as she came to the table, "I'll discuss my daughter with both of you later."

She then turned to her husband, who appeared to be in a state of shock, "The horror," he mumbled, 'the horror!"

"There, there, dear," she patted his hand. "I can make another."

"YOU CAN WHAT!" Shego demanded.

"Make another."

Shego gave her a terrified look, "You made the clone?"

"Clone? No, James is upset over the roast beef, aren't you dear?"

He nodded his head numbly.

"Kim is always having little accidents," Anne explained. "Once she was stuck to Bonnie, the truth ray was a pain, and there was the time she was turning into a monkey… No, a clone invading the house is pretty much normal around here. But James really loves his roast beef."

"And you almost never make it," he complained bitterly.

At this point the backdoor was thrown open and Jim and Tim skidded into the kitchen, "Sorry we're late, we--" They looked around the kitchen -- soda dripping from the walls and pooled on the floor, a broken platter and roast beef on the floor, and the place settings from the half the table also broken or scattered around. "Whoa… We didn't do it," Jim said. "We weren't even here."

Tim gave his brother an elbow to the ribs, "Yes we were," he hissed, "Remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Mom, Dad, if the police ask, we were here all afternoon, okay?"

Their father sighed, "What did you do this time?"

"We didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, I mean someone attaches an anti-gravity non-inertial drive to a police car and levitates it--"

Jim caught his brother in the rib with his elbow. "He means, assuming that is how it was done. We wouldn't know, since we didn't do it."

"Oh, right. Well someone put a police car onto the roof of the YMCA. And for some reason we're the first names that pop into people's heads. It's no fair."

"Yeah," his twin added, "we're tired of everyone blaming everything on us."

Their mother rolled her eyes, "Well, if you were here all afternoon you must have made this mess. Start picking up broken dishes."

"So you'll tell the police we were here?"

"I never said that. Regard this as just the first phase of your sentence."

"She was turning into a monkey one time?" Shego asked, puzzled.

As the twins began the cleaning process Ron told her the story.

Some fifteen minutes after the Kims left the noise of fighting in her room reached the kitchen.

"Now what?" their father grumbled.

"They probably want to wear the same outfit," Shego suggested

"I'll settle it," Anne remarked, leaving the kitchen.

"_They_ want to wear the same outfit?" Tim asked.

"And why is the crazy green lady here?" Jim wondered.

"I'm afraid your sister had a little accident today," James started to explain.

"And now she and her former worst enemy want to have hot lesbian sex," Shego finished.

"Have you heard about the plans to send a probe into a black hole?" James asked her. "If there is a woman inside we can tell people it was an unmanned probe."

"What Shego said isn't exactly true," Ron interrupted. "Kim and I--"

"Her clone! Stoppable found a clone somewhere."

"Did not!"

"Did too! Where were you getting the genetic material Stoppable?"

"Ronald," James demanded. "I will not have you cloning my daughter. Where did you get DNA sample?"

"Ah, man," Ron whined.

"See what it feels like to always get the blame," Tim sympathized.

A few minutes later Anne led the recalcitrant Kims into the room. She had one hand on the arm of each of them. She had them stand by the sink. "You can clean after supper. Will either of you admit to being the clone before we eat?"

"No," they said together.

Kim pointed at Kim, " She's obviously a fake. She loves Shego. I never loved Shego."

"That's right," Ron seconded, "it's not like Kim ever had Shego's picture up in her locker or anything… Hey, wait a minute KP, you did have her picture up in your locker."

"Mug shots, Ron, mug shots. I had Drakken and Monkey Fist's pictures up too."

"Yeah, but you never changed them. I remember an eight by ten glossy of Shego signed, 'All my love, XXX'!"

"It was a fake Ron. I never put up that picture."

Shego spoke up, "That's true. I broke into her locker and put it up to play with her head."

"See," Kim said.

"Of course, I didn't destroy it. It's still in my history book," Kim pointed out.

"Evidence!" Kim shouted, "I was going to have Wade analyze it and see if he could find out anything about where she was hiding."

Kim raised an eyebrow, "Then why didn't I give it to him?"

"How often do I see him in the flesh?"

"When do I need to? He can analyze things with the Kimmunicator--"

Two hands dove into pockets and two Kimmunicators emerged. Two thumbs hit the 'call' button and two voices barked, "Wade, we've got a situation."

Wade appeared on screen momentarily, tapping his monitor. "Some sort of a problem, Kim. I'm getting a weird double image of you."

"It's a clone," Kims said. "I need you to tell my mom and dad I'm real."

"Why don't you just go the soda route?"

"Been there, done that," they groaned.

"You sure she's a clone?" Wade asked. "Could she be a robot, or android, or something different?"

"That's why I'm calling you," they told him.

"You each have a Kimmunicator? Okay, hold them out and let me scan you." Bands of green light shot out, slowly scanning up Kims' bodies. "Okay, you're both human -- the surface scan shows you're identical but that doesn't prove much. One of you could even be Camille Leon."

"Will a clone be genetically identical?" they demanded. "That would show if she was Camille. Is there any way to identify a clone?"

"There are lots of ways to identify clones. They won't have the same non-genetic characteristics -- like a scar. And there is no way to give them all the knowledge of her life the original would have. And while DNA would be identical there are some subtle differences between the cells of a fast grown clone and someone who has really lived--"

"That should be enough," Kim's said. "I'll call you back if--"

"Don't turn the Kimmunicator off," Wade requested. "I want to know what's happening."

They propped their Kimmunicators up on the table, giving Wade a sort of stereopticon view as they simultaneously raised the left side of their shirts slightly and exclaimed "Aha!"

Anne moved over and examined the small scars just below Kims' ribs. "It appears to be the same."

Ron laid his head on the table and groaned.

"What's wrong Stoppable?"

"My fault, I did that to her. I panicked when my marshmallow caught on fire and started waving it around… I thought I'd killed her with the stick."

The green woman patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Could happen to anyone. You two have known each other since forever. How old were you at the time? Five? Six?"

"Try two months ago," Kims hissed through clenched teeth.

"Okay, whoever made the clone copied her outer surface very well," Anne observed. "Jim, go find some paper. Tim, two pencils. Girls, please sit down at the table where you can't copy from each other. You need to take a little test."

Fifteen minutes Anne held the two answer sheets up side by side. Every answer was identical. She frowned slightly and put one page over the other and held them up to the light, "Even the handwriting is identical," she remarked.

Each Kim rubbed a cotton swab inside her cheek and deposited the result on the Kimmunicators' analysis trays. Wade examined the data. "Identical DNA… Let me check for signs of artificial aging…" A minute later he announced, "There is no sign of artificial aging. I didn't think anyone on earth had that cloning technology."

"Maybe no one on earth does," Kim remarked. "But Warmonga doesn't come from earth."

"Warmonga?" everyone but Ron said together.

"Yeah, she transported me to her ship and--"

"I was never transported to her ship."

"Well I was!" Kim caught the looks the others gave each other.

"What do you mean transported?" Wade asked.

"As in beamed to her ship. There was this blue light, and then BAM I was in orbit."

Kim and Shego shook their heads. "A blue light hit me while I was in Bortel's lab," Kim said. "But I stayed right there fighting Shego."

"Maybe the blue light was Warmonga doing a brain scan to program the clone," Shego suggested.

"No way! I'm me! She must have beamed this lesbian copy into Bortel's lab when she transported me out."

"Lame," was Shego's assessment of Kim's theory. "The real Kim went to Bortel's lab and we've got a solid chain of custody evidence from her arrival at Bortel's lab to her coming home with me."

"A solid chain of custody evidence with your fingerprints all over her," Kim pointed out.

"I'm not complaining," Kim remarked.

Kim still protested, "I can't be the clone. I love Ron. How could I be in love with Shego?"

"Did Warmonga program you with why I was in Bortel's lab?"

"Warmonga didn't program me! I was there to guard some idiotic love potion."

"I wouldn't exactly call it idiotic," Shego pointed out. "It seemed to work remarkably well when the real Kim and I took a dose of it while we were fighting."

"So you might go back to normal?" Anne interrupted.

"Are you saying being gay is abnormal?" Shego asked.

"You wouldn't love me if I came out of the closet?" Kim continued.

"I'm not in the closet! I'm straight!" Kim protested.

"Of course I'll love my children, no matter what their orientation is," Anne said, giving Kim a hug. But I'm curious if the chemicals that started this, ah, feeling could wear off?"

"We washed it off," Kim said.

"Carefully. Very carefully. Very, very--"

"She gets the picture!"

"And Bortel gave us the antidote, it didn't do anything to change us. Besides," Shego pointed out, looking at Ron, "does Stoppable think he's man enough for two Kims?"

Ron quietly appeared very nervous.

Kim continued. "The chemical may have given me a push to start me thinking. But I'm happy the way I am. I want to stay this way. I'm sorry Ron. I've kissed you. I've kissed Shego… and I like kissing her more."

"Oh, for crying out loud," Kim complained.

She went over and kissed the startled Ron. Before passing out he wondered if his socks were rolling up and down. Those in the kitchen watched in awe as his body went rigid, then limp. When Kim straightened up from his unconscious form steam was coming from the blonde boy's ears.

"I bet he needs clean underwear," Tim whispered.

Shego commented, "You've been holding out on me, Possible."

"Both of you are grounded," Kims' mother remarked sternly.

Well," James Possible announced. "I think it's perfectly obvious what happened." His assertion, if anything, left the others in the kitchen even more nervous than before.

"What is your idea, dear?" Anne asked.

"I'll tell you at dinner. I'm starved."

It took two cars to transport everyone to the House of Dead Cow for dinner. James took the two Kims, who sat in the back seat silently looking daggers at each other and Jim. Shego and Ron rode in the back of Anne's car.

"I like her laugh," Ron said, "it's like music."

"Her eyes," Shego sighed. "I could spend all day looking into them."

"Oh yeah," Ron agreed. "And her lips…"

"Mmmmm," Shego purred. "But you've never seen the little birthmark she has--"

"That's quite enough, you two," Anne snapped. "Please remember her mother and younger brother are sitting in the front seat and listening to everything you say."

"Ha," Ron whispered and punched Shego softly on the shoulder, "I win. I kissed her first."

"Well I--"

"QUIET YOU TWO!"

"Yes, Dr. Possible," they said together.

At the House of Dead Cow the tweebs were allowed a small booth to themselves. The Drs. Possible sat between the Kims and their boy friend/girl friend. Shego's Kim didn't mind sitting across from Ron, but Ron's Kim objected vehemently to sitting opposite Shego.

"Isn't this cozy," James Possible asked cheerfully as the waiter brought their menus.

For the first time that evening five minds were in agreement as they thought, _"No."_

---

Don't review! Reviews force continuation! Let this die! I don't want to write "Who's Sleeping in My Bed?"


	4. The Ronald Zone

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney.

This continues because the last chapter received ten+ reviews. Chapters 1 or 2 made a decent end. This one… Well, read and judge for yourself. Or try and judge for someone else. Given the identity confusion in this story that would seem appropriate.

This is the first story I've attempted to write without finishing before I started posting and I have no idea where this is going. I don't like spontaneity, unless I plan it out in advance, and I'm typing by the seat of my pants here – my butt is wide enough that it makes typing difficult.

**The Ronald Zone**

As he looked at the menu Ron's mind went back to earlier comment by Shego. If the Kim who currently said she loved Shego reverted back to loving him, was he man enough to handle two Kims?

As he pondered the question everyone froze in tableau position and a middle-aged man in a suit styled to the late 1950s stepped out from behind a potted palm and addressed the fourth wall.

"Submitted for your approval. Ronald Dean Stoppable, perhaps the luckiest schlemiel on earth. He loves a beautiful shiksa, who surprisingly loves him. Welcome to a dimension beyond sight and sound, beyond reason and sanity. Ron's world has turned upside down when the woman he loves has, in the terminology of the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta The Gondoliers, become bisected -- with one of them in love with her former worst enemy. What will happen when she also realizes that Ron is the man she loves? That's the signpost up ahead. Your next stop, The Ronald Zone."

Everyone became animated again. "Was I the only one who saw him?" Ron asked.

"Saw who?"

"The dead guy."

"You see dead people?" Kim asked. He nodded.

"That can't be good," Mrs. Dr. Possible said, "I may need you in to the hospital so I can run a brain scan."

"Do you think you'll find one?" Shego asked.

"Never mind," Ron muttered, "let me get back to the good stuff." He looked down at the menu and pretended to read.

_"I love you," Kim said._

_"We both love you," the other Kim said as she began unbuttoning his shirt._

_"We can't live without you," the first added, as she undid his belt. "And so we agreed to share you. You don't mind, do you?"_

_Ron's throat was dry, but he managed to croak, "Not at all."_

_"You're so good to us, Ron," a Kim said as she pulled off her cheerleader top._

_"So, very, very, good to us," the second said as she pulled off her cheerleader top. "We promise to be good to you."_

_"Which of us do you want first?" one asked eagerly as she began to unsnap the other Kim's bra_.

"Make up your mind," Kim hissed.

Startled, Ron asked "What?"

"The waiter is here and wants to take your order."

Ron ordered the porterhouse, garlic mashed potatoes, and julienne green beans. He had hopes of returning to his daydream after the waiter left, but Kim's mom demanded her husband explain his theory on what had happened to their daughter.

"I think it ought to be obvious what happened," he told them. "We have an obvious case of Transporter Syndrome here."

"Transporter Syndrome?"

"Sure it happens every other season. Someone is beaming down to a planet, or up, and something goes wrong with the transporter and we end up with a duplicated person. I remember the first time it happened. Captain Kirk was--"

"Captain Kirk?"

"Yes. Anyway, when it happened to Captain Kirk--"

"You're confusing Star Trek and real life again, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you mean," he said defensively. "Everything I know about rocket science I learned from Star Trek."

_"Does this have anything to do with the loss of those two Mars landers?"_ Shego wondered.

Kim's father began to relate other transporter malfunctions, to the discomfort of his wife and daughter(s).

"He's got a real fixation, doesn't he?" Shego asked.

"Yeah," Kim grudgingly admitted.

Shego whispered, "Can anything be done about it?"

Visuals go wavy, indicating a flashback is beginning.

Kim had found the uniforms for Yeoman Rand, Nurse Chapel, and Lieutenant Uhura in the back of her mother's closet by accident when she was looking for a jacket.

"Mom, what's with the Star Trek stuff? I didn't know you were a Trekkie too."

Her mother had blushed a surprisingly deep shade of red, "I, uh, got those for a costume party years ago. Just forget about them."

The request to forget about it had seemed odd to Kim, until a furnace repairman made a mistake while fixing the duct work almost a year later and the sounds from her parents' bedroom came into hers.

"Nurse Chapel, I'm afraid I'll need to take your temperature."

"If those are the Captain's orders. That is a most unusual thermometer you have there…"

Kim put a pillow over her head and tried hard to ignore the sounds.

The next night Captain Kirk was with Yeoman Rand.

The day after that Kim threatened the furnace repair company with a nasty letter to the Better Business Bureau if the duct work wasn't fixed properly and immediately.

And Kim resolved she would never, under any circumstances, ask to borrow the costumes.

The visuals go wavy again as the flashback ends and we return to the table at the House of Dead Cow.

Kim blushed crimson. "Nothing can be done about the Star Trek fixation. Just forget about them, okay?"

"Them?"

"Never mind."

Anne Possible actually listened to her husband's idea, showing the sort of remarkable woman she truly was, before giving her opinion on his theory. "Odd as it may sound I think your father's transporter malfunction theory makes as sense as anything else. If that was what happened it would mean you are both originals," she told the Kims.

"It doesn't explain why she's queer." Kim pointed out.

"That might be the result of the love potion and her proximity to Shego—"

"Well, in the original case," James explained, "one of the Kirks was indecisive while the other one was a bully –"

"I'll take the bully, Stoppable. You can have the indecisive one."

"How come you get first choice?"

"Fine, you take the bully… Oh, wait, you already have her. OW!"

Shego rubbed the shin Kim had kicked. "You know, much as I love the real you, I have some tensions left from the years when we were fighting each other. I'd be happy to transfer all the hostility to you."

"And I'll be happy to accept it."

"Perhaps something like the Star Trek transporter accident happened, with one Kim receiving the part which was attracted to women and—"

"No part of me liked women," Kim objected.

Kim rebuked her, "Stop telling me what I was like."

"Almost no one is one hundred percent one way, or one hundred percent the other way," her mother said. "Most people have some feelings in both directions, although one will usually be stronger than the other."

"And the ones who get obnoxious about how straight they are are probably insecure in their own sexual identity," Shego added.

"That's ridiculous," Kim responded. "I never liked girls. And I can't accept that transporter idea. I'm sure one of us is a clone."

"Well, the evidence suggests that if there is a clone it is probably you," her father pointed out. "Warmonga could have scanned Kim's brain during her fight with Shego and used it to program you."

"But I can't be a clone. I have all my memories."

"If you are a clone you are the same as my daughter at the moment when she was scanned."

"Okay, we're both originals," Kim muttered. "But it was the love potion that screwed her up. I never had any interest in girls."

"Just keep telling yourself that," Kim told her. "Lies are so much more comforting than the truth."

"You--"

"Quiet," Anne Possible ordered. "You two can decide how you want to work at both being Kim until we find some way to bring you back together--"

"I don't want to be with that," Kims said together.

"Fine, then you'll establish your own identities and stop talking in stereo. Meanwhile, I want to know what is going on with Shego. I'm not used to eating with a felon."

"Uh, technically I'm not a felon," Shego explained. "Only a felon after a conviction."

"Well then, you're not a felon yet--"

"And she won't be one," Kim interrupted. "I called in some favors while we were flying back from Bortel's lab and Monday she's turning herself in at the Federal Court House. She's going to turn state's evidence and get an amnesty or maybe a pardon. She'll be released on bail."

"You wasted favors on her?" Kim protested.

"Betty Director thinks I'm a genius for getting her to surrender."

"Okay," their mother interrupted. "Kim, I'm a little concerned about what you've been doing with Shego. The two of you just met--"

Shego broke in, "Another technicality, I'm not sure if that is correct. I mean, we haven't exactly had a warm and supportive relationship, but we've know each other for years."

"And you and dad only have yourselves to blame for our showering together," Kim finished.

"We're to blame?"

"You gave me lots of instruction on saying 'no' to a boy, or how to knee him in the crotch if he came on too strong." Ron winced at the thought. "You told me I should save myself for marriage. Well you never told me what to do if I fell in love with a woman. And we can't exactly wait for marriage."

Anne sighed, "Your father and I will discuss what we think is appropriate for you. Meanwhile," she said, turning to the green woman, "ah, do we call you 'Shego'?"

"It is something of a professional name, but yes, use it please."

"This 'change' is something of a radical transformation for Kim. It disturbs her father and me… Well, me anyway. Is this as large an alteration for you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I've wanted to get your daughter in the sack from about the fourth time I saw her. Of course, the fact she was only fifteen and making a serious effort to take my head off represented a serious impediment to any chance of a serious long-term relationship. But, hey, that was years ago and if she suddenly shows an interest in me I'm sure as hell not going to kick her out of bed for eating crackers. She said we couldn't go all the way until I met the folks. I love your daughter. And now that I've met the folks I plan on spending almost as much time in her panties as she does. Can I call you 'mom'?"

Anne Possible smiled, "I thank you for your candor. Now, if I may be equally honest and open with you, I will point out it is still a couple months until her eighteenth birthday. You lay a finger on her between now and then and I'll have your ass in jail on a statutory charge.  
"And remember, pain is not a matter of what happens when your body is harmed. Pain is a matter of how your brain responds. The right stimulus to the brain and you can feel like Peruvian fire ants are devouring from the inside out. And since there is no physical harm to your body they can chew on you for a long, long time and leave no forensic evidence. I'm a brain surgeon. I can leave you in agony you can't begin to imagine. Also remember I have a daughter who would enjoy hunting you down."

Kim, seated across from Shego, obligingly smiled and waved at that moment.

Anne finished, "Do I make myself clear, 'daughter'?"

Shego had paled slightly, which, given her normal coloration left her semi-transparent. She nodded yes. Anne turned to the other side. "Did you catch that also, Ron?"

Ron had turned a shade of green which left him looking like Shego's younger brother. He too nodded. She turned back to Shego. "Now, you cooperate for the next couple months and let me get to know you, and let me feel comfortable with the fact my daughter prefers women—"

"No I don't," Kim interrupted.

"Yes I do," Kim insisted

"Quiet," their mother ordered. "Shego, I expect to see a lot of you during the next couple months. Perhaps I can get used to you. It took years, but James and I finally accepted Ronald—"

Ron smiled and started to nod, then paused, "Hey? It took years for me to be accepted?"

"Never mind, dear," she assured him. "We finally learned. You are an acquired taste. Now, Shego, can you promise to come over often and be annoyingly underfoot until we come to take you for granted and accept you as family also?"

"I, uh, guess so," she agreed – feeling more than a little confused.

"I told you they were wonderful parents, didn't I?" Kim demanded.

Anne continued, "Then when Kim turns eighteen you can bring up crackers in bed."

"That's no fair," Kim protested. "You always said I had to wait until I was married, and you're letting her and Shego—"

"What you said isn't exactly true," her father pointed out.

"Oh, yeah, your advice was wait for three years after getting married before having sex."

"You can't rush into something like that," her father insisted.

Her mother took a more practical approach, "The other Kim is right. We can't really ask her to wait until marriage."

Shego interrupted, "And it's not like I'm going to knock her up."

"You're not helping us," Kim hissed at the woman she loved.

"A couple months will give your father and me time to consider what our options are after learning our daughter is a lesbian."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes I am!"

"We could send her to a convent," James suggested hopefully. "I still have the brochures for Our Lady of Perpetual Chastity. We could send them both."

"We're Methodist, remember?"

"Yes, but the sisters are very good about accepting unfallen women of all denominations for lives of bone-numbing virtue."

"I don't think virtue is what these four are thinking about."

Shego spoke to Ron at the other end of the table, "Stoppable, how's this for a the start of a joke, a lesbian thief and a Jewish guy break into a convent to rescue the woman they love—"

"Woman or women?"

"Okay, I'm working on it. Is that the start of a joke or what?"

"Sounds like the plot for a bad porn movie."

"And by bad you mean good?"

Ron smiled and nodded. _Shego threw the grappling line over the wall. The hooks found a purchase on the other side and Shego began scaling the wall, followed closely by Ron. Followed very closely by Ron. He watched her ass as they climbed. She reached the top first and gave him a hand up. Her breasts heaved impressively from the exertion, or perhaps from her proximity to the male animal who was Ron Stoppable._

_She gazed into his eyes before they went to the rescue of the Kims and whispered throatily, "You were watching my ass, weren't you?"_

_"Uh, yeah," he confessed, "you've got one great looking booty."_

_"Stop this fantasy now. Or I'll have to hurt you."_

_"No, you can't do that. This is my fantasy. You're supposed to like the compliment and want to have sex with me."_

_"I don't care who's having the fantasy, you put my ass in it and I'm going to hurt you!"_

"No! No!"

"Yes, Ron," Kim insisted. "You ordered the porterhouse and garlic mashed potatoes."

Ron looked up and saw the waiter standing with his plate. "Heh, heh. Sorry about that."

The waiter put down Ron's plate and rolled his eyes as he walked away. Before picking up his silverware Ron whispered to Kim, "Did I say anything besides, 'no' just now?"

"No, that was all you said. What were you thinking about?"

"Uh, nothing…"

The diners dug into their food. Gradually the conversation started up again.

"Do you think the double Kim effect will wear off and we'll have a single Kim again," Ron asked her father.

"Hard to say, Ron. On the show it always took another trip through the transporter -- and we don't have one of those. Of course, since we don't know Warmonga's technology it is always possible the effect is temporary and they will merge spontaneously."

"Uh, if they merge, who is in charge? I don't want to lose my Kim, and I imagine Shego prefers the Kim who loves her."

"I'll be in charge," Kims insisted.

"I would think that both aspects of her personality would find a way to unite," Jean suggested.

"No way," Kims protested.

_"A Kim who can integrate both aspects,"_ Ron thought as he drifted back to the happy place. _Kim and Shego were on their knees on a large bed, kissing each other. They were in lacy little teddies that concealed nothing. Kim was in green, Shego in black. They moaned softly as they rubbed their bodies against each other. Ron stood the side in his boxers, watching. The two turned their faces toward him._

_"We've been waiting for you," Kim told him._

_"You need to get out of those boxers," Shego told him. "They clash with the color scheme."_

_"You aren't going to hurt me?" he asked cautiously._

_"You've got me with Kim in this one," Shego purred. "That means you can have anything your heart desires."_

_"Anything?" he managed to croak._

_"Anything," the two assured him as they gently tugged on the ribbons that were tied in bows, holding the two teddies closed._

"I'm in heaven," Ron murmured.

"Kim, what's wrong with him?" Kim demanded.

"I don't know. He must love that steak, he's drooling all over it."

"Remind me to order the porterhouse next time we're here," James told his wife.

Kim realized Ron was not thinking about the steak, "Kick him," she ordered Kim.

"Why?"

"Because he's in bed with us."

"OW!" Ron rubbed his shin.

"Told you you got the bully," Shego reminded him.

"She wasn't the one who kicked me."

"Yeah, but yours told mine to kick you. It was her idea. I think she's getting worse."

"In the original show," James commented, "the indecisive Kirk just got more and more indecisive, while the bully got more and more belligerent."

"Hear that, Stoppable?" Shego called. "I hope you've got a high pain threshold."

_With the nine-inch heels and three inch platforms on the bottom of her thigh-high patent leather boots Kim stood over six feet tall. Everything she had on was patent leather, the bikini, the bustier, and the long gloves. The whip in her right hand was rawhide, and she gently rubbed it over Ron's bound body._

_"You don't mind a little kinky, do you Ron?"_

_"Uh, actually KP, I am just a tad uncomfortable here."_

_"Only a tad? It's going to get worse I'm afraid," she said and cracked the whip. "But then I promise you it will be much better."_

_"Really?"_

_"Really," she assured him._

"He's still drooling," Kim told Kim.

"Kick him again. You didn't do it hard enough the first time."

A few minutes later Anne made another effort to engage Shego in conversation, "I'm glad you'll be leaving Drakken, but where do you plan to stay while you are out on bail?"

"I, uh, haven't decided that for sure. Kim and I had an idea we wanted to run by you."

"Kim," Kim said, "bathroom, now."

As the door closed behind her Kim turned to Kim.

"I'd like Shego to stay at Ron's."

Kim's eyes narrowed, "I was thinking she could stay at our place. I was hoping to, ah, keep a close eye on her."

"Oh yeah, like mom would let that happen."

"Well, I don't think you're suggesting Ron out of the goodness of your heart. You don't trust her and you want Ron to keep an eye on her."

"I trust Ron."

"I trust him too, and Shego."

"Like that matters."

"We're asking Ron to let a beautiful woman stay at his house. We could put both of ours together and she's got a nicer rack. She doesn't have much in the way of clothes at the moment and she still has an evil streak in her. I think you need to trust she's interested in me and not going to make a play for Ron just to screw up your life."

It was Kim's turn to turn pale. "You're nuts to trust her."

"You'd better hope I'm right. But we both trust Ron."

Kim came back to the table. "Ron, bathroom now."

"But I can't--"

She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him from the table. "We need to talk."

She still had a hold of his arm when she knocked on the bathroom door, "Anyone else in there?"

"No," Kim answered.

Kim dragged Ron inside. "Ron, we want Shego to stay with you for awhile."

"What?"

"We want Shego to stay with you. She doesn't have a place to stay right now --"

"And I'm worried she's faking all this turning over a new leaf nonsense. She's evil. We need someone to keep an eye on her."

_Shego smiled as the warm water splashed over her body. She lathered up with the body wash and began sensuously rubbing it in when she suddenly felt like she was being watched, "Stoppable! I warned you -- you give me a solo shot in your fantasies and you're a dead man."_

_"You said I couldn't think about your ass. I'm thinking about your boobs."_

_Shego's hands started to glow green._

"Ron? Ron?" Kim asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, KP. I mean, it will be a tough and nasty job, but someone needs to keep an eye on her."

"Great! Thanks, Ron, we knew we could count on you." _"Damn it, Kim is right. We should not put a beautiful woman in Ron's house."_

Ron placed a fast call on his cell phone to ask permission from his parents. When the trio returned to the table, he told Shego, "My folks say you can stay with us for a while."

Shego did not look happy, "Please," Kim begged.

"Only for you, pumpkin," the thief muttered.

One thing continued to worry Ron, "Do you really think she'll keep getting more belligerent?" he asked Kims' dad.

"Well in the original show--"

"If it was the transporter," their mom interrupted, "and we can't actually be certain, the division appears to have been along sexual preference lines. And there is no reason to thing the condition is progressive."

"Progressive? As in getting worse.?"

"Exactly."

"Good." _"Darn."_

_Kim backed him into his locker and rubbed herself against his manly chest, "Please, Ron," she begged, "these quickies between classes aren't enough. Let's cut fifth period. No one is using the teacher's lounge."_

"Kim, he's drooling again."

"Well, kick him again."

Shego wondered if she should rethink her choices. Drakken seemed saner than the Possibles.

---

The rules remain in place. I'm willing to this thing die. I don't want to write a chapter "My Girlfriend Can Beat Up Your Boyfriend."


	5. Who's Sleeping in My Bed?

Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

I continue writing this train wreck if a chapter receives ten+ reviews.

**Who's Sleeping in My Bed?**

Dr. James Possible drove Kim and Ron to the Stoppable home after dinner. The two held hands discretely in the back seat; her father not even aware it was happening. When the car came to a stop Ron would have jumped out, but Kim caught his arm and gave him a chaste kiss before letting him leave.

Rather than going directly inside Ron sat on the porch steps and waited for Shego to arrive.

Kim and Shego had more fun in the back seat of Anne's car. "Could you two control yourselves?" Dr. Anne Possible demanded.

"Sorry Mom," Kim moaned as Shego nibbled on her neck, "but we aren't doing anything Ron and I haven't done."

"Yes, but you never French-kissed Ron in the backseat while I was watching you in the rear view mirror."

"It's dangerous to take your eyes off the road," Shego pointed out.

"Thanks for the good advice," Anne managed to growl through gritted teeth.

Shego left the car and smiled at Ron as she walked up to the house, "Any house rules I need to know?" she asked as she sat on the other end of the front step.

"Don't wake the baby."

"Oh God, not a kid."

"She's pretty cool, for a baby. You'll meet her in the morning."

"Any way to pass on that?"

"'fraid not, she comes with the house." They sat in the darkness for a few more minutes before Ron spoke again. "Kind of a weird day, huh?"

She smiled, "Do you mean the theory that she somehow got split into gay and straight versions of herself, or the idea that you might be in love with a clone, or the worry about what happens if the two parts go back together?"

"Actually, I was thinking more of you being, uh, 'that way'. Was Bortel's potion that powerful?"

Shego thought for a minute. "Weren't you listening at dinner?"

"Uh, no."

"Where was your head?" Ron simply blushed. "It's like I told Kim's mom. I've thought Kim was cute for a long time. But our business relation was such there was never a good time to ask, 'Hey, can we stop this fight for a minute while I look for your tonsils with my tongue?' It just didn't sound professional."

"And you're really leaving Drakken?"

She looked at the stars and thought for a minute. "I guess so. Kim definitely made me a better offer." Ron said nothing and Shego looked over, "You're drooling again."

"Better offer?"

"Okay Stoppable, you've got a choice. First choice is a beautiful redhead for a girlfriend and a real shot at a pardon. Or you can continue to be a wanted criminal while listening to Drakken yammer about his plans for world domination and living with a collection of henchmen with serious hygiene problems. Your choice?"

"The redhead and a pardon?"

"Sounded good to me too."

"So you're giving up evil?"

Shego paused before answering, "I'm pretty sure no one asked me to do that. It's not just a job for me -- I enjoy it." She looked over to find him staring at her. "Just playing with your head," she chuckled and extended her hand for him to give her five. Ron smiled and swung his arm to give her five and she jerked it back at the last minute. "Maybe."

Inside the house he loaned her a pair of pajamas and made up the couch. "We'll find something better for tomorrow," he promised.

Things were more complicated at the Possible home. "Kims, go to bed," their father told them, "you've had a long day."

They stared at each other. "She's not sleeping in my bed."

"James, you deal with it, I'm exhausted," his wife told him as she headed for bed.

They tried again, "It's my bed! I'm the only one who sleeps there!"

"Girls, while I heartily approve of that statement it doesn't solve the problem. You're both you. Could one of you take the guest room?"

The Kims were emphatic, "No."

"Fine, you can sleep with yourself."

"WHAT!"

"It's your bed. Sleep in it. If we can't get the two of you back together in a week we buy bunk beds."

"BUNK BEDS! I have to share my room with her?" they shouted.

"I'm getting the headache now. And since you'll both want the same side of the bed -- Ron and right start with the same letter, whoever loves Ron sleeps on the right."

"But--"

"Bed, now!"

They took off running. _"Nice they decided to listen to their dad,"_ he congratulated himself.

They had realized they were stuck, and both wanted her favorite nightgown. Kim elbowed Kim aside going around a corner and won the race. Kim retaliated by grabbing Pandaroo for herself while Kim took the nightgown.

They lay on their own half of the bed, "Don't even think about touching me, pervert."

"Like I'd want to touch you. That would be masturbation without any pleasure."

They stared at the darkness of the ceiling. "What are we going to--" they began together.

"You got the good side. Let me start. Only one of us is registered for school."

"It would be nice to share the homework."

"And make stuff like yearbook assignment a lot easier."

"Of course we can't let anyone know about the split."

"And don't let anyone know you're queer. I don't want you ruining my reputation."

"You're claiming I've always been totally straight?"

"Of course I have been."

"So when I stared at Bonnie's boobs in the shower after cheerleading practice?"

"I never did that!"

"Oh, did Warmonga not copy those memories for her clone?"

"I'm not a clone! Okay, I stared at Bonnie once or twice --"

"That was how many times she probably caught me anyway."

"Jealousy. It was just jealousy. No fair that the best boobs go to the biggest--"

"Yeah, she sure is. I always told myself that jealousy was the only reason."

"That was the only reason!"

"Boy, you do an even better job of lying to yourself than I did. I mean, I never had any real interest in her, and I was more interested in boys, but she's hot. You got to admit that."

"Yeah," Kim said grudgingly. "But she's a real--"

"We agree on that… Think there's any way the two of us could pull something on her?"

Shego awoke Sunday morning in an uncomfortable state of mind -- she had most of the regrets and questions associated with a bad hangover but without the physical pain. She was in a strange house on a strange bed, couch actually, but at least there was no stranger in bed with her and she didn't have a killer headache. That love potion had to be strong stuff. Kim had taken advantage of her. This whole setup had to be some sort of trap. Quit Drakken? Turn herself in? What was she thinking?

She suffered a panic attack, certain the house was surrounded by squads of police, Global Justice agents, and the National Guard. She started sweating, how could she get out of here? She briefly considered using Ron as a hostage, but rejected the idea -- even if he hadn't evacuated his family from the house while she slept he would only slow her down while she tried to avoid pursuers. Maybe she should just surrender now -- it would be easier to break out of prison than escape the cordon they must have around the house.

Rolling around on the lab floor with Kim and the love potion fumes had simply been madness. They wanted sex. Even after the sprinkler system had washed most of the chemicals off they still wanted to get at each other. The shower had removed the last of the chemicals, but they had discovered they enjoyed the feel of each other's bodies… Shego smiled, she wanted to do even more than that with the redhead. Mother Possible was going to prove a pain in the rear with her "Not until Kim is eighteen!" but she couldn't watch them twenty-four hours a day…

Shego tried to focus. Did she love Kim? She wasn't certain. Did she want to have sex with Kim? Absolutely. Kim, unfortunately, seemed to have been raised with the idea that sex and commitment were somehow linked. Shego would have to teach her that painful but important lesson about life before she left town. New York sounded nice, or maybe find out what was happening in the new New Orleans… Would staying with Kim really be that difficult? Maybe the two of them could work something out… No, the three of them. Kim would probably make peace with Kim eventually and insist Shego treat the clone like a human being… No, the four of them. Clone and Ron came as a package deal. She couldn't make up her mind on Ron. He was obviously a clueless prat who spent too much time staring at her boobs and ass, but otherwise he seemed relatively harmless.

As if on cue Shego heard a soft knock on the door. "Who is it," she asked, fearing the police.

"It's me," came Ron's voice. "You up?"

"Yeah," she grunted, "come on in."

He came in bearing a tray. "Sunday morning in a Jewish household, there are certain religious rituals that take place."

"Uh, I'm not big on religious rituals."

"Tough. It is a sacred obligation."

She sat up and he put the tray down on her lap. "Eat that."

A thousand memories, mostly unpleasant, of Drakken asking her to "Taste this," flooded her mind. "No way. I don't put anything in my mouth unless I know where it's been. What is this?"

"Bagel, cream cheese, lox, a little thinly sliced purple onion, and a sprinkling of capers."

Shego hesitantly raised it to her lips and nibbled on one edge. She chewed cautiously, swallowed, and then took a large bite. "Stoppable, remember this day," she told him while chewing, "Make a note of it in your head."

"Okay, care to tell me why?"

"Because the time will come, Grasshopper, and we both know it will come, when I have a serious urge to dismember you, wrap the pieces up in small parcels and FedEx them to fifty complete strangers to absolutely ruin their days. You have provided yourself with a powerful counter charm. When I come at you with a look of uncontrollable anger in my eyes and a very large knife in my hand you shall recite the incantation, 'Bagels and lox' and I shall spare you out of gratitude for this day."

"Way cool. Sort of like a 'Get out of death free' card in Monopoly."

"Exactly."

"We've got another ancient Jewish ritual for Sunday morning besides the bagels and lox."

Shego sat with her cup of coffee on the living room floor looking through the sections of the New York Times. "Who has the comics?" she asked.

"You've never read the Times, have you?" Ron's Dad asked.

"How can you tell?"

"No comics."

This was Shego's problem with religious rituals, they always got boring at some point. At least Hana turned out to be tolerable, as rug rats went. And Ron's mom seemed to appreciate having a chance to start the Times Sunday Crossword while the dark-haired child played peek-a-boo with the pale green woman.

While Shego made peace with the Stoppables things were more chaotic at the Possible household. Jim and Tim fought over the comics as Anne worked on breakfast, then additional fighting erupted upstairs.

"Bother," Kim's mother muttered. "She's got to learn to live with herself."

"We could give her twin lessons," Jim offered.

"No thanks. First, Kim is not twins, and second, you two would be a bad example."

Tim was sitting by the door nearest to Kim's room. "Sounds like they're fighting over what to wear."

"That makes sense," Anne sighed, "they'll want to wear the same things."

She slid the biscuits in the oven and went upstairs to escort the nightgown-clad Kims down. She sat them at the table. "You two figure out some way to make decisions peacefully before I let you go back upstairs," she warned them.

While Kims fought with her brothers for the comics Jean reminded them, "We leave for church at ten."

"I'll stay home," Kims offered.

"Not an option."

"But we don't want people to see there are two of us," they said.

"Well you should have thought of that before… Sorry. But staying home is not an option for either of you."

"Can one of us go to church with Monique?" they suggested.

Anne sighed and wished they'd stop talking in stereo. "All right. How do you decide?"

"Get that old deck of cards in the junk drawer," Kim told Kim.

"Whoever gets the Queen of Hearts goes with Monique."

"Jack of Spades, you perv."

"King of Diamonds," Anne told them. "And the other gets first choice on clothes."

"No way," they told her. "Services at Monique's church go two and a half hours. King of Diamonds is Monique and first choice of clothes!"

"And we tell Monique what happened, right?" they asked each other.

After church the Possibles came home, changed clothes, ate lunch, and watched some television while waiting for Kim to get back with Monique.

About one-thirty those watching television heard the door open and Monique's voice.

"-- can't you tell me what happened to you yesterday?"

"'Cause I don't think you'll believe it 'till you see it." She called towards the family room, "Am I in there?"

"Yes, you are," Tim shouted. "I wish you'd give me the remote."

Monique raised an eyebrow and then went to the family room. She froze in the doorway as she saw Tim trying to wrestle the remote away from the same sister who was standing beside Monique. "OMG," she managed to whisper.

"OMG?" Jim asked.

"Oh my God," Kim translated.

"You're twins?" Monique demanded.

"No."

"Robot?"

"No."

"Camille?"

"No."

"Clone?"

"Maybe." "I am not!"

"So this one is the clone?"

"No I'm not!" "We're not sure."

"Let me sit down, GF. I'm feeling a little shaky in the knees."

"She thinks I'm a clone," Kim explained. "Dad thinks it was weird transporter accident that split me in two."

"And Dad thinks Captain Kirk was a real person--" Kim began.

"He's not?" her father interrupted, sounding hurt.

"Well, the transporter theory could be right. We really don't know. There is a small chance she's a clone waiting her chance to kill us all."

"The one thing we know for sure is that this Kim," Kim said pointing to the other, "is now a pervert."

"Am not!"

"Are too! You love Shego."

"Mom, tell the clone that being a lesbian doesn't mean you're a pervert."

"Girls! Stop this! Kim, stop calling Kim a clone, we don't know it's true and it is insulting. Kim, stop calling Kim a pervert. Gays and lesbians are not perverts because they love people of their own sex."

Monique, glad she was already sitting down stared at Kim, "OMFG!"

"OMFG?" Jim asked.

"Don't answer that," Anne warned.

"Monique!" Kim demanded, "How can you sit by her?"

"Doesn't matter if she likes girls. You're my friend… friends. Being lesbian doesn't mean you hit on every girl you meet."

"Oh yeah? How about Alex?"

"Alex?" Anne demanded.

"Alex Safic," Kim explainted, "she's tried her line on every girl in school.

"Her line?" Anne Possible couldn't resist asking.

"How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it," Kims and Monique said together before breaking into fits of giggles.

Kim looked at her watch and announced, "I need to drive Shego out to the Lair to pick up her clothes.

At two Kim stopped the Sloth in front of Ron's house and hit the horn. Shego and Ron were sitting on the front steps talking.

"Need any help with the move?" Ron offered.

"No thanks, it would just mean less space in the car."

Ron suffered an anxiety attack, he feared Shego was tricking Kim and had a trap prepared for her. He broke into a sweat, but didn't know how to warn Kim or what to do. He took a deep breath. Perhaps Shego really was changing, and at the very least Kim was better prepared than anyone else in the world if it was a trap.

Kim suffered a jealousy attack as she watched Shego and Ron talking. The two looked too comfortable together. The feeling only deepened as Shego jiggled out to the car. The pale woman was wearing a pair of Ron's blue jeans, which were loose around the waist but tight across her thighs and rear. She wore one of Ron's red jerseys also but,

"You're not wearing a bra!"

Shego chuckled. "You noticed. So did Ron, but he was trying real hard to pretend he didn't. You seemed to like them yesterday so I--"

"Work first, play later," Kim said. "You need to give me directions."

Halfway to the Lair, after Kim yelled "Stop that!" for the fifteenth time, Shego complained, "Considering how you were playing with me yesterday when I was flying us home you're a real poo, you know that?"

"Look, I'm not that comfortable driving. Right now I just want to help you get your stuff out and get us home. There'll be time for fun later."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

The two walked up to the door hand-in-hand. Kim panicked as Shego punched her access code into the key pad. Was this whole thing a trap of some sort? What was on the other side of the door?

The door slid back, revealing an empty hall and the pair entered.

"Where are your quarters?"

"Later, we'll see Drakken first."

Kim fought the urge to turn and run and reluctantly accompanied the green woman as they checked the labs. They found Drakken in the kitchen, checking the timer on the oven.

"Got a minute, Doc?"

"Not now, Shego. I may have been able to duplicate the lemon square recipe."

"I'm afraid it's important. I'm quitting."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, still watching the oven timer, "I owe you too much money for you to quit."

"Wrong answer Doc. That's one of the reasons I'm turning states's evidence against you. They'll have a list of all your hideouts by this time tomorrow."

That caught the blue man's attention. And when he turned to look at Shego he noticed Kim for the first time. "Oh, Snap!" Drakken screamed as he suffered his own panic attack.

"Do you think we should call the Guinness Book of World Records?" Kim asked.

"Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure that's a record for the standing high jump."

The pair gazed towards the ceiling. "I'm surprised the light fixture will hold him," Shego remarked.

"Don't say that," Drakken shouted. But, as if on cue, the cord and decorative chain gave way and the mad scientist crashed to the floor.

"I suppose it's too late to pay you what I owe you and have you drop the state's evidence idea," he groaned.

"Yep, too late. Oh, you'd better check the lemon squares, they smell done."

The pair left the blue man and Shego led the way to her quarters. Once there Shego closed the door behind them and it locked with a loud click. She pulled the redhead to her, "Now, Princess, time for some fun before the packing."

Kim pushed her away, "Wrong Princess."

"What do you… Oh hell, that explains it. You're the prissy little clone aren't you?"

"I'm not a clone!"

"Yes you are. And you're out here to kill my fun. The real Kim and I were going to… Never mind. You'll rat me out to her mom."

"My mom!"

"So you admit you'd rat me out."

"Look, I didn't want to come out with a pervert like you. But when the other Kim said she agreed to help you pack mom and dad told me I had to come out instead of her."

Shego glared at Kim, "You're Pumpkin, she's Princess. Got that?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Don't do this again."

"Look, I didn't want to do it this time. But if Mom or Dad ask me to take her place and see what you're up to I'm going to listen to my parents."

Shego muttered a curse under her breath and announced, "Time to put on my own clothes and get packing." She pulled off Ron's jersey and tossed it on the bed. "I'll bet he wears it as soon as I give it back to him," she told Kim. "It's the closest his chest is going to get to my tits." The pale woman walked over to a bureau and pulled a drawer open. "What do you think, Pumpkin, which bra do you like?" She held up three or four for Kim to see.

Kim sat down on the floor, leaned back against the door, and shut her eyes. "Look, you don't turn me on. I've got no interest in you and you're annoying me."

"Good, I'd hate to think my efforts were being wasted. Oh, you'll love this," Shego said as she pulled down Ron's jeans, revealing a pair of Ron's boxers. Kim's eyes went wide as Shego stripped them off and sniffed the crotch, "Oh, he's going to sleep with these on his pillow."

"GIVE ME THOSE BOXERS!"

"Gee, Pumpkin, I didn't know you cared. Going to sleep with them yourself or wash them and give them back to Ron?"

"You are sick. I'm going to wash them."

"Want the jersey and jeans too?"

Kim nodded again and Shego tossed all of Ron's clothes at her. Shego smiled as she dressed. It was not a much fun as a roll with Princess on the bed would have been, but goading Pumpkin definitely had entertainment value.

Shego pulled three oversized duffels from the closet after she finished dressing. "I don't have much," she explained, "between Stoppable and Drakken blowing up lairs I've given up trying to get a lot of clothes. Underwear and a few clothes in one of these, rest of my clothes in the second, toiletries and anything else in the third. You going to help me pack?"

"No."

"Then I take off my clothes and pack naked and slow. It'll be four or five hours until I'm done and you get to see Ron."

"Give me one of the damn duffels. And I'm not touching your underwear -- your Princess can do that."

"And soon, I hope," Shego said cheerily as she threw a duffel at Kim's head.

---

Kim and Ron hung around the mall with Monique for the afternoon. Other than wanting to hold her hand it wasn't too much different for him from the days before they started dating.

While they were snacking at the food court Monique asked, "So how do I tell you apart from the other Kim?"

"Umm, don't know," Kim said, stealing a French fry from Ron's tray -- which drew an angry stare from Rufus, who had his eye on those particular calories. "You got any ideas Ron?"

Ron had lots of ideas, but they involved both Kims, Shego and a bottle of Wesson oil and he wasn't going to share the thoughts with Kim and Monique. "Uh, missed the question KP, could you repeat it?"

"Monique was wondering how to tell us apart."

"Well, for starters I'm a guy--" He ducked as Monique swung a bag at his head.

"Me and Kim," Kim giggled.

"Oh, I'm clueless."

"We know," Monique told him. "Why doesn't one of you go by something other than Kim?" she suggested to Kim.

"Well, I'm not giving up my name to her. And I think that's the same way she feels too. Oh, I need to swear you two to secrecy. Kim and I don't know if this is permanent or temporary. Maybe we'll go back together or something. But we'd like to keep the fact there are two of us secret for the time being."

"Why do I think you've got something up your sleeve?" Monique wondered.

Kim did a very poor job of looking innocent.

Monique headed home from the mall, and Ron and Kim went back to her house. They came in through the kitchen and found the Drs. Possible playing cribbage. "Are Kim and Shego back?" Kim asked.

Her mother frowned as she looked at her cards, deciding what to keep in her hand and what to put in the crib. "I think they're in the family room killing each other," she told her daughter.

Ron and Kim ran to the family room, where Kim and Shego were sitting in front of the television holding dual controllers. "Eat death!" Kim shouted as one of the characters on the screen hit the other with a shell from a bazooka. " Ha! I own you. Twenty-seven to eight!"

"Where were you?" Shego demanded of Kim.

"At the mall with Ron."

Kim looked jealous, but before she could say anything Shego ordered, "Ron, home now!"

"Great job, Kim," Kim complained as the boy and girlfriend left. "You made her mad and now we're stuck with each other."

Ron apologized on the way home. "I don't know what Kim was thinking when they asked you to stay with me. Things are screwed up at home since Hana arrived. We're going to get the attic fixed up, or maybe the unfinished area over the garage. I don't know what to tell you. The den is too small and dad uses it as home office so you can't keep using that couch."

"Got a cot?"

"Sure, but I don't know where to put it."

There's a ton of space in that attic. I'll take the other end for now, Roomie. After they get my legal affairs in order I'll see about renting an apartment."

Ron helped Shego carry her duffels upstairs.

"String a clothes line from here to here," she told him. "And hang up a sheet. Do I need to tell you what happens if you come on my side of the sheet uninvited?"

"I need to use the 'Get out of death free' card?"

She nodded.

An hour later she was still organizing her clothes when Ron called, "Hey, are you ready to go?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Kim was supposed to ask you over for dinner tonight."

"She was?"

"Yeah, her folks really do want to know more about you. Kim must have forgotten." Shego had her own opinion of Pumpkin's memory.

As supper drew to a close, "Can Shego and I help you clean up?" Kim offered.

Anne smiled, "That would be wonderful."

"Why in the hell did you volunteer us to help?" Shego whispered in Kim's ear.

Kim leaned over and whispered in Shego's ear, "Because we're trying to get her to like you before my birthday, remember? Ron doesn't clean. You're making points."

When Kim and Shego finished in the kitchen they went into the family room to find Ron sitting on one end of the couch and Kim stretched out, her head on his lap, watching television.

"Give us some room," Kim ordered.

"Sit on the floor," Kim retorted.

"Anything wrong with the easy chair?" Shego asked.

"Besides the fact it only has room for one?" Kim responded.

Shego sat down on the chair, "Sit on my lap," she suggested. Kim smiled and snuggled up to the older woman.

"How come you never ask me to sit on your lap," Kim hissed at Ron.

"I, uh, think it might sound a little different coming from a guy."

Shego considered a little fondling, but decided against it. She wanted Princess to think she could behave. Besides, Pumpkin was watching them very closely and would report any impropriety to their mother. And Pumpkin would mess up her own time with Ron while spying. And, Shego reflected as she wrapped her arms around Kim and inhaled the scent of her hair, just holding Princess was nice,

Shego wondered if any of Bortel's love potion could have stayed in Kim's hair. Just having Kim on her lap was making the older woman feel good. She closed her eyes and nuzzled the back of Kim's head. Staying around Middleton wouldn't be too bad. No point in breaking Kim's heart after just one night in bed together… Maybe she could stay around six months and really hurt her properly. Shego inhaled again. Damn, this kid was addictive. Maybe she should try running now before Kim broke her heart.

At nine-thirty the Drs. Possible reminded Kims they had school tomorrow and shooed Ron and Shego from the house.

"So, do you have your own pajamas now?" Ron asked as they walked back to his house.

"Sorry, I guess I need to keep yours awhile longer. I don't normally wear anything to bed." Ron didn't answer. As they passed under the light of a street lamp she glanced over. "You're drooling again."

---

First time I've had an outline for another chapter, "Bonnie Got Your Tongue?" This time I'm almost hoping for enough reviews to make me continue.


	6. Bonnie Got Your Tongue?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

See the important(?) announcement at the end about the immediate future of this story.

**Bonnie Got Your Tongue?**

"Do you want me to go into the school office with you and explain what happened?" Anne Possible asked her daughter as the two of them came into the kitchen.

"No, Mom, we're fine," one assured her.

"Until we know if the division is permanent we don't want to go through all the paperwork. In fact, we don't want anyone to know."

"It would only confuse their record keeping," Kim explained. "And besides, this way one of me can save the world while the other one never misses a bit of school."

"Speaking of missing school," their mother gently scolded. "I don't want one of you skipping all her classes. You both need a good education in case the division is permanent."

_"Or Warmonga never comes back for her clone,"_ Kim thought.

_"Like I'd want to be joined to that pervert,"_ Kim thought.

"We promise to divide classes evenly and make sure we look over homework for the classes the other takes," they promised together.

"And switch classes back and forth every day," she instructed them.

"Mom! Are you trying to confuse us?"

"It only seems fair. That's what you're doing to your family."

James Possible entered the kitchen and gave his wife a kiss big enough to turn the stomachs of all four children. "You smell wonderful."

"I suspect it's the bacon. Oh, grocery list for you by your briefcase. With another daughter to feed and a new girlfriend hanging around the house the food bills will go up."

He sighed, "It's like adding a second Ronald."

"Oh, I don't think it's that bad," she comforted him.

A Kim coughed discretely, "Er, speaking of expenses… We need to go shopping for some new clothes."

"The two of you have a closet stuffed full of things upstairs. You were fine last week."

"Last week there was only one of us. Now there are two of me. So I only have half as many clothes."

"But you just said we shouldn't tell the school there are two of you because you might be going back together."

"School paperwork can wait. Clean underwear is a necessity!"

"There is a large and mysterious white metal box in the basement. You put dirty clothes into it. You turn knobs and throw switches and a miracle occurs -- your dirty clothes are magically replaced with clean clothing.

As the Possibles worked on irrational fractions and dividing numbers into themselves over the breakfast table things were relatively calm at the Stoppable home.

Rachel Stoppable stood at the stove, "I'm so glad she likes you," she told Shego as the house guest fed Hana strained lima beans.

"She's a cute little bug," Shego laughed. "Come on bug, eat the lima beans and grow up strong and green like auntie Shego."

"Stop scaring the kid," Ron hissed.

When the doorbell rang Ron's dad went to answer it. He ushered three men into the kitchen. The patrolman tipped his hat to Ron's mother, "Officer Hobble, Ma'm, Middleton police."

The man in the dark suit and darker glasses simply stated, "David Donner."

The young man in the Global Justice uniform shook hands with Ron, "It is gratifying to see you again."

"Fer shur, can I call you Will?"

"You may call me Agent Du." He looked over to Shego, "We're here to escort you to the Federal Courthouse for your sworn deposition. Are you ready to accompany us?"

"May I finish breakfast first?"

The trio looked at each other. The Fed shrugged and Officer Hobble said, "Go ahead."

Ron's mom asked if anyone wanted coffee and the Will and the policeman each accepted a cup.

As she started her second slice of toast Shego asked, "Are you going to handcuff me to take me in? Handcuffs excite me." She looked over at Ron, hoping he had caught the reference. She smiled, the drool factor said that he had.

"Since you're coming with us of your own volition we see no compelling need to restrain you," the Global Justice agent said.

"He's always like that," Ron whispered.

"Does he have any redeeming features?" Shego whispered back.

"I do possess an excellent sense of hearing," he remarked.

Before leaving the house Shego requested a quick phone call, which the lawmen saw no need to refuse.

"Hi, it's me. Are you the right one or the wrong one? … I'll wait. … Hey Sweetie, I'm going downtown now, just wanted you to know I love you. … Yeah, I'll be a good girl." Shego laughed very hard at something the other person said. "Oh yes, you'll find I can be a _very_ good girl. … Later then." She looked at her escorts, all of whom were curious about the lucky man she'd been talking with, "We can go now."

Kim picked up Ron on the way to school. He sat up front with Kim while Kim sat in the back between the tweebs. She crouched low as they got close to school so no one would see there were two of her.

"What bribe will you offer us not to tell people there are two of you?" Jim asked.

"Ice-cream."

"That's not much of a bribe."

"You get a small bribe or large threat. You don't outnumber me anymore."

"Ice-cream and the remote every day," Tim demanded.

"Remote only on weekdays," Kim offered.

"Who needs weekdays," Jim said. "Weekends."

"Friday night does not count for weekend."

Jim and Tim looked at each other and nodded. "We'll negotiate ice cream flavors later. Oh, and twice when Mom or Dad, or the Police, ask where we were, we were with you and we weren't doing nothing wrong."

"Done!"

"KIM!" Kim protested, "That makes us an accessory--"

"I thought an accessory was, like, your belt or purse," Ron interrupted.

"You're going to get an accessory in the mouth," Kim warned him. "You were too busy driving to catch what they said," she told Kim. _ "They said we have to say they, 'weren't doing nothing wrong,' but if they weren't doing nothing wrong they were doing something wrong."_

Kim pulled up at a little used side door and Ron, Kim, and the tweebs left the car. After parking the car Kim went to her locker and checked the list of projects that needed to be done. She was in no hurry since she was already in home room.

After the bell marking the start of first period Steve Barkin patrolled the perimeter of his domain for truants. He encountered enemy activity in the gym.

"What are you doing here Possible?"

Startled, she looked up from the boxes of decorations. "Uh, the cheerleaders are in charge of getting the gym set up for the athletic banquet on Wednesday night. I'm doing a fast inventory to see if we need anything."

He grunted, "That would be commendable Possible, except for the fact YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLASS!"

"I am in class."

"No, you're not. And for thinking I'm crazy I should add to your detention."

"I'm not here, I'm in English class with Mr. Clinton."

"Detention, Possible."

"Double or nothing."

"Double or nothing?"

"You seem like a sporting man. Go check out my English class. If I'm not there you can give me a double detention."

"That's the most ridiculous--"

"Of course, if you're afraid…"

He glared at her, "No one says Steve Barkin is afraid."

"Well, if you won't take the little wager or check the facts…"

"You're up to something Possible. I don't know what. But I control your transcripts."

He stalked out of the gym and headed for the English classroom. He couldn't see the students well through the window in the door so he went in.

"Steve?" the teacher asked.

Kim sat at a desk, giving him the same puzzled look on the faces of the other students. "How long has Possible been in here, Francis?" the Assistant Principal asked.

"She's been here the whole period, why?"

"Uh, someone reported a cheerleader in the hall without a pass, just checking on them all."

He left. He had taken the most direct route from gym to classroom. She had not passed him. She could not have gotten there faster by taking a longer route. The teacher would not have lied to him. Maybe she wasn't in the gym.

Barkin finished his recon faster than Kim had anticipated. She hoped to finish the inventory and go to the library, but Barkin caught her on her way out.

"Okay, Missy, I want to know why you're in English class."

"Uh, because that's where I'm supposed to be at this hour?"

"But you're not."

"Aren't I? Did you check?"

"Yes."

"Am I there."

"Yes, you are."

"Well, if I'm there I can't very well be here, can I?"

He narrowed his eyes and scowled at her. "Something is going on. How can a person be two places at once?"

"What should be important is the fact I'm in class the way I'm supposed to be."

"How can a person be in two places at once?" he repeated

"Time-travel."

"Time-travel?"

"Sure. Someone comes back from next week and presto, two of that person now."

"So you are a time-traveler?"

She smiled at him. "I never said that. You asked how a person _could_ be two places at once and I explained it to you. If time travel existed it would be a highly classified government secret whose existence should never be revealed to anyone."

"But you--"

"I think you know the importance of national security." She put her finger to her lips.

His voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "Can you tell me how the Red Sox will do next week?"

"I'm sorry. It's vital I not do anything to jeopardize the future of the free world through my presence here."

"Just a couple games, please, I'll even take the Cubs."

"Loose lips, Mr Barkin. It is vital that nothing be done to alter the future." She stepped back and gave him a crisp salute, which he returned. "You must tell no one that you saw me. It's a matter of national security." She slipped out of the gym and headed left, in the general direction of the library.

He felt a vague sense of pride for having glimpsed the nation's future… But if it was vital no one change the future, what had she been doing in the gym? Was there some sort of terrorist plot to blow up the athletics award banquet on Wednesday? Was she there to stop the plot? Should he call off the banquet? And could the scores of a couple lousy baseball games matter that much. It wasn't like he'd mortgage his house to put every penny he owned down on the games… He remembered some bonds in a safety deposit vault. He'd better cash those in while he was mortgaging his house and selling his car for money to make the bets.

Now, he needed to find Possible again. There had to be some way to get information about the future out of her worth a bet… Maybe if he offered her five percent of the profits…

He set off, looking for her in the library.

Kim left a note for Kim at her locker, "We need blue crepe streamers. Barkin on prowl," before heading to math. Kim sighed, she had hoped to work on the English assignment in study hall, but if Barkin was looking for her she needed to disappear from view. Because of her experience with hazardous materials she been asked to help clear freshman science projects from the abandoned lab. In her hazmat suit she was unrecognizable and even Barkin was unlikely to intrude.

"Where's Felix?" Monique asked at lunch as she sat down with Ron and Kim. "And for that matter, where is Kim?"

"Hold on," Kim said, "I'll find me." She text messaged 'where' and less than two minutes later her phone vibrated. The message read 'yearbook'.

"Oh, good," Kim smiled. "I couldn't figure out how I was going to get that done. Kim has math next period while I do English homework in the study hall."

"We really need someone to tell you two apart," Monique complained.

"You could tattoo my name on your butt," Ron suggested. Kim gave me the stare of death. "Sorry, I thought you were my Kim."

"There is no your Kim if you make another suggestion like that, clear?"

He nodded.

"And I don't see how it would help me tell them apart," Monique complained. Ron started to open his mouth. "Boy, you don't want to go there," she warned. "You get the brain soap now, 'cause you don't even need to be thinking that." He closed his mouth.

Monique turned back to Kim, "So at the end of the day you are going to have all your homework done in every class?"

"And will have done work for seven extra-curricular activities."

Monique sighed, "Man, I could use two of me when it's time for restocking at Club Banana."

"Yeah, it would be great to have two of me," Ron added.

"Why?" Monique demanded. "You spend half your day goofing off now. Two of you and you'd just get twice as much not done. What would you do with two of you?"

_Kim trembled nervously as she stood before them, "You know, I'm only doing this because I really love you, Ron."_

_"We know," they said. "And we promise to be gentle." One Ron kissed her while the second massaged her back._

_Kim sighed with contentment, "I've waited so long for this."_

_Rons smiled._ Ron stopped smiling. When Kim split one of her ended up in love with Shego. So if he split would one of him love… Drakken? Monkey Fist? An image invaded his mind, Monkey Fist in white lingerie, little tufts of black hair sticking out through the lace. Monty held a red rose between his teeth, "Ronald, so very wonderful you could come." Or perhaps that is what he said. It is very difficult to talk clearly with a red rose between your teeth.

"You don't look so good, Ron," Monique mentioned. "You're greener than Shego."

Ron clamped both hands down over his mouth and ran for the door. He nearly made it.

"Sorry about that," Kim called to the table of sophomores. "I think he tried to eat the mystery meat."

"I don't even know him," Monique yelled over at the lowerclassmen.

---

Cheerleading practice began immediately after school. With basketball over there wasn't much left to cheer for, but the coaches appreciated the efforts the squad made to support all of Middleton's athletic programs.

Kim, as usual was first out on the gym floor. One of her had even arrived earlier. Behind the folded up bleachers was a small storage room for the mats used by the wrestling and gymnastics teams. A desperate voyeur had once drilled a hole through the storage room wall, but the view through the folded bleachers was so limited it had never been a serious problem.

"Everyone out but Bonnie?" Kim asked loudly as Liz came onto the gym floor.

"You know Bonnie," Tara giggled, "always last one out."

"Let's start with some stretching exercises," Kim suggested. "Need to limber up so we don't hurt anything."

As the cheerleaders began their warm-up Kim slipped out of the mat storage room. She always figured Bonnie came out last in order to irritate her, a silent protest to Kim having been made head cheerleader. Kim smiled, Bonnie's irritating little habit created the perfect opportunity for mischief.

Bonnie stared at the mirror. She could not improve on the perfection of Bonnie Rockwaller. Bonnie glanced at her watch. She couldn't go out yet. Better to let Kim get angry out there. Bonnie was too important to the squad formations for practice to really get underway until she arrived. Kim needed these reminders of how important Bonnie was. The brunette heard the door to the women's locker room open. She assumed another cheerleader had forgotten something, but the reflection in the mirror showed Kim coming towards her. Bonnie smiled, she had finally angered Kim enough that the redhead was going to try and tell her off - as if Bonnie cared.

"Hey, Possible, looking for me?" Bonnie taunted, "You know you need me out there."

"Actually, yes, I'm looking for you, " Kim purred, walking up directly behind Bonnie. "And I need you right here. Now that we're seniors I can tell you how hot I think you really are."

Bonnie froze. That was not what she was expecting. It got worse as Kim ran a hand up the back of her leg, under her skirt and patted her butt. "You've definitely got the hottest ass of anyone on the squad," Kim told her. "And the best boobs in the entire school."

Bonnie's scream could be heard all the way out on the gym floor as she fled the locker room like a bat out of hell. Kim had to move fast. Even though Kim didn't think anyone would be checking out the locker room she needed to exit in case she was wrong. She went out an exit door and circled to a gym door near the mat storage room. She opened the door just enough to listen.

Bonnie screamed "Kim fondled me! Kim fondled me!" as she ran from the locker room. She skidded to a stop on the gym floor when she saw in horror that Kim had somehow beaten her out of the locker room. The other cheerleaders looked at her in amazement.

"What did you say?" Marcella asked.

"I said Kim just grabbed my ass in the locker room," Bonnie said, trying to puzzle how Kim got out so quickly.

"What Kim?" Kim asked.

"You… You…"

"When did it happen?" Hope wanted to know.

"Just now. Right when I screamed," Bonnie explained.

The cheerleaders looked at each other. "Kim has been out here with us for ten minutes," Tara said. "We've been doing our warming up exercises."

"But she-- I was-- And then she--" Bonnie sputtered.

Kim rolled her eyes in disgust, "God, Rockwaller, it's bad enough you can't be bothered to practice with the rest of us. But can you at least leave me out of your daydreams and sick fantasies? You're the last person whose ass I'd be grabbing."

The other cheerleaders laughed at Bonnie and went back to warming up. Bonnie's eyes narrowed as she glared at Kim. They were all jealous of her perfection: perfect teeth, perfect tan, perfect talent, perfect tits. No wonder Kim had been able to recruit them for this practical joke. It couldn't work, of course, Maggie and Crystal were her tools - they'd tell her what really happened. And Tara was too empty headed to keep a secret. She'd have the truth from one of those three before she left.

Kim slipped back into the gym and the storage room.

Kim kept the squad working at a killer pace during the practice. Linda wondered if Kim was on speed, caffeine or some combination of the two as she kept them rehearsing moves. It was apparently hard on Kim, she kept running out every five or ten minutes for a drink of water from the fountain. There must have been something wonderful about the water that day. Kim always came back as fresh as if she'd had a ten minute break.

During the one minute breaks Bonnie quizzed the three. Maggie and Crystal both swore Kim had been with them the whole time. Tara simply seemed confused by the question -- which added to her credibility. If Kim had given them a prepared story Tara could have made sense.

Kim was driving the squad at a hard pace, but even while practicing Bonnie's mind was at work. Kim must have hired an actress to impersonate her. If she had paid more attention to the woman in the locker room she would have been able to detect the mask or makeup. Kim probably thought it was funny to play with her mind. Bonnie smiled. It was not a happy smile, but a smile of pure evil.

"You're killing us, Possible," Bonnie complained. "Slow down the pace."

"Can't keep up, Rockwaller?" Kim taunted, "Probably muscle cramps from skipping the stretching exercises."

"God, I am so out of here," Bonnie announced and stormed off the gym floor.

"You really are working us hard today," Tara pointed out.

"Sorry," Kim apologized to the squad. "Let's do ten minutes of cooling down stretchs before we hit the showers. That okay with everyone?"

"Yeah." "Sure." "Sounds good," were some of the answers to her suggestion. Kim glanced over towards the bleachers in front of the storage room. She hoped Kim caught the idea.

Bonnie stared at the mirror, wondering if this could possibly work. The actress must have left. She smiled as she heard the door to the gym open without the confusion of a half dozen voices at once that always accompanied the cheerleaders going in for showers, perhaps it would work.

"You again," Bonnie drawled as the mirror's reflection showed a familiar redhead.

"Just can't stay away from you," Kim said.

Bonnie turned and looked closely at 'Kim' as she approached. This had to be Kim, there was no mask or makeup hiding identity. That was puzzling. The 'Kim' she had left on the gym floor knew the routines of the Mad Dog cheerleaders as well as a member of the squad.

"Who says I want you to stay away from me," Bonnie asked as she smiled at Kim.

Kim stopped, confused by Bonnie's response, and in that moment of confusion Bonnie struck, pulling the redhead close and pressing her lips to Kim's mouth. Kim's eyes were wide with surprise as Bonnie slipped her tongue in the head cheerleader's mouth before Kim had time to react or think.

---

To be continued?

---

My whining about needing reviews to keep writing has been equal parts reverse psychology, running gag, and absolute truth. I don't like writing without an end in mind.

At the moment I plan to put this into hiatus. I suspect it will receive enough reviews that I will continue. I could keep churning out chapters like this indefinitely, fun but going nowhere. However, I would like a definite end to the story and don't have one. I will start posting again when I've figured out where I'm going. I wish to thank the many reviewers who encouraged me to continue this when I wanted to stop… Or do I darn you all to heck for making me continue this? Anyway, assuming there are reviews I will continue, I'm just not sure when. And I'm not sure yet which Kim has Bonnie's tongue in her mouth. Your thoughts?

If you want to pm me with a suggested direction I'll give it a look. Got one guy who has suggested turning it into a tragedy. I think I'll pass on that. I want an ending that readers can appreciate. "Character X woke up and realized it was all a dream," would not be appreciated either. And if I find an end I'll try to quit whining and just write.


	7. Monday's Child Is Fair of Face

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

This story will contain seventeen chapters in total. The fact I know where I'm going eliminates some of the spontaneity, which may disappoint some readers. It will definitely eliminate my whining about not knowing what I'm doing – which should please you all. While writing at random I went into a couple unhelpful directions, please excuse me if it takes a chapter or two to get this train wreck back on track. This is one of the two I'm not happy with.

I vowed there would be no more begging for reviews when I resumed this. However, if you want to show your gratitude by leaving a review… Think of it as a tip jar on top of my monitor. While I put in a couple bucks to encourage you to leave generous tips I'm satisfied if you put in your two cents worth.

**Monday's Child Is Fair of Face **

As Bonnie's tongue boldly entered Kim's mouth the redhead reacted exactly like Bonnie expected. The redhead tore herself from Bonnie's arms and backed away, her eyes showing fear.

Bonnie slowly ran the tip of her tongue over her upper lip, "Ummm," she purred, "you taste good. What's the matter Possible? Can't finish what you start?"

Kim turned and fled from the locker room. Or perhaps it wasn't Kim. Bonnie couldn't figure out how the woman out in the gym and the woman who came into the locker room could look so much alike. Then she remembered some crazy blue man who had made clones of her and Kim. The fake Kim had to be a clone. Bonnie wondered if it was possible to clone a person's mind also, or if Kim had taught her clone the Mad Dog cheer routines.

It seemed preposterous that Kim would have a clone made just for this stunt. Bonnie smiled, Kim must really want her attention. Bonnie ran her tongue over her lips again. Kim really tasted good. Maybe Bonnie should reward Kim's obvious interest in her with a little attention -- the poor girl clearly desired the Rockwaller touch.

The other Kim, or her clone, kept her eyes off Bonnie while the squad showered. _"She's being coy,"_ Bonnie thought, _"but I'll find some way to get her attention. And I want to know whether I kissed her or the clone. Maybe get the three of us in bed…"_

Kim had parked her car at one edge of the lot for greater privacy. When she got out to the car she found Kim already there, slouched down in the driver's seat and out of sight.

"What happened," Kim demanded. "Did you get back to the locker room and play with Bonnie's head or not? That was hilarious when she came running out and saw me in the gym after seeing me in the locker room."

"Oh, I got back to the locker room all wrong."

"All wrong?"

"Trust me, Kim, nothing went all right on our second attempt."

Kim looked confused. "You didn't see her or you didn't follow up?"

Kim stared at Kim in horror, "She kissed me."

"SHE WHAT!"

"She kissed me."

Kim stared, in open-mouthed disbelief, at Kim. "What did you do?"

"I backed away slowly, then turned and ran like a yellow dog."

"What did she do?"

"This is the really freaky part, she acted like she enjoyed it!"

Kim hesitated. She normally avoided all profanity, but had kept a little on ice for just such an emergency, "Damn!"

"Amen."

"I mean, really, Damn!"

"Preach it sister."

"DAMN!"

"Glory Hallelujah! We are in perfect and complete agreement. What are we going to do about Bonnie?"

"I don't know. Leave her alone gets my vote. I don't know if she thinks she likes me or was just jerking us around, but I feel like we went fishing for tuna and caught a great white shark."

"Wearing lipstick. She tastes like peppermint."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

Ron found Shego already home and playing with Hana when he got there after school.

"How was your day?" he asked cheerily.

"Lousy," she growled. "They told me I had to be honest if I expected an amnesty. Truth is for people without imaginations."

"So, you're a free woman?"

"Not exactly." She stretched out one leg. Ron stared. Ron stared some more. He had begun staring even harder when Shego interrupted his fantasy. "You're supposed to be commenting on the ankle bracelet."

"Ankle bracelet?" He looked, "Oh, yeah. Is that new?"

"It's a monitor. That pain in the butt Global Justice agent insisted I wear a GPS device until they could verify all the information I gave them. The Fed thought it would take about six months."

"Does is matter if you were honest with them and plan to go straight?"

"It cuts down on the options open to me. I always want to know several ways to get out of any situation, and this," she shook her leg in a manner Ron found fetching, "cuts down on where I can run. An alarm sounds if it gets taken off me. And if I'm not there to explain how it came off they'll label me a fugitive."

"Bummer."

"Yeah… Hey, Stoppable, you know anything about money laundering?"

"I left a five dollar bill in my pocket once and it went through the wash."

She took a deep breath. "I don't have much cash on hand, but I have some, ah, assets in different accounts. I think I'm going to need to get some sort of job so I can start spending and claim it's my pay. Got any suggestions?"

"No, the hardest thing I do is avoiding work."

The two played on the floor with the toddler for a few minutes before Shego spoke again. "I saw you admiring that watch on the Global Justice agent this morning, so I bought you one." She tossed him a watch.

_"I wasn't admiring it, I was remembering when he immobilized me with it."_ "Cool, but how did you—"

"He told me the brand."

"It's not a brand, it's special issue Global Justice equipment."

"I told him I thought you wanted it and he sold it to me."

"They don't sell GJ equipment."

"Did I say sell? I meant give. I told him I saw you admiring it and he took it off and said you should have it."

"That's nice of Will, I didn't even think he liked me."

"He's a swell guy, but terribly modest. If you see him again you shouldn't thank him. It would just embarrass him. You should probably not even let him see it if he is around again."

Ron avoided homework after dinner through another strategy, "Mom, Shego and I are going over to see Kims."

"That's fine dear, take your sister over too, she needs the air. The diaper bag is already in the stroller."

Ron pushed the stroller on the way over to the Possibles, "I'm pushing. That means you get to change her if we need to."

"No way! I'll push back if that's the rule. She's your sister you change her."

"No, you change her if she needs it."

They were still arguing division of powers when a middle-aged woman stopped them to peer into the stroller. "What an adorable baby!" She looked up at Shego, then over to Ron, then to the baby, and then at Shego again. "She doesn't look like her father at all," the woman commented.

Shego realized what the woman meant, she leaned over and whispered in her ear, "She looks just like her father. Please don't tell my husband."


	8. Tuesday's Child Is Full of Grace

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Tuesday's Child Is Full of Grace**

Bonnie arrived early and parked her mother's car (there was a chance Kim might have recognized Bonnie's car) more than a block from the Possible home -- far enough away that she felt safe from casual observation. She pulled her father's binoculars out of the case, focused on Kim's house, and waited. Her timing, like everything else about her, being perfect Kim rewarded her within ten minutes by backing out of the garage.

Kim honked the horn impatiently and Kim and her brothers came out of the house and got into the car. They backed out of the drive, but instead of heading for school drove back in her direction. Bonnie cursed under her breath and ducked down, hoping no one had seen her. They must be on their way to pick up Ron first.

After waiting a few minutes Bonnie drove to school, smiling and wondering how she could use her knowledge for her own benefit.

Was Kim twins, or had the blue man produced a clone? The tanned girl wasn't sure which option seemed more likely. The fact Kim brought her double to school was interesting. What other mischief did Kim plan?

Kim was looking for a textbook inside her locker when someone patted her rear with sincere affection. "Ron," she hissed, "not during school."

"Not Ron, Kimmie."

The sound of her rival's voice turned Kim red with anger as she whipped around, "Bonnie! What are you doing? Leave me alone!"

"Oh, you aren't the one who likes it? 'Cause I had the distinct impression the Kim I kissed in the locker room last night enjoyed it. But the poor thing ran out before introducing herself properly."

"What are you talking about?"

"So, are you really twins and they've kept one of you locked up in the attic? Or did that crazy blue guy make a clone? I'm flattered that you had a clone made just to get my attention."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Bonnie pulled the binoculars out of a bag, "It's a great set. From a block and a half I could watch your house as clearly as if I was standing in the yard next door. I watched one Kim back out of the garage, and another one come out of the house with your brothers. So, which Kim are you?"

"There aren't two of me—"

"I know what I saw."

"Have you told anyone?" Kim asked in a panic.

"No, I figured you have some reason to hide the fact there are two of you. I can blackmail you more effectively if I've got something to hold over your head."

"It's not what you think."

"I don't know what I think. I only know what I saw."

"Look, you weren't supposed to have seen that. I was careless. It's a matter of national security. You must not reveal that to anyone!"

"That's the best you can do, Possible? It sounds lame to me. I'll give you until the end of the week. I can either meet your friend who likes me or you can give me something more believable than your loser 'national security' excuse."

Bonnie left a Kim who felt distinctly ill at ease. She suspected Bonnie actually knew very little, but even very little was too much. Bonnie had left the other Kim ill at ease also, but for a distinctly different reason._ "Bonnie kissed me_," Kim had trouble processing that information. Before Saturday she would have agreed she found Bonnie an attractive girl, but would have argued the fact held no personal meaning for her, it represented a generic abstraction – like 'sugar is sweet' or 'never try to stick a rubber chicken up your nose'. Before Saturday she would have said the same thing of Shego also, attractive but that meant nothing in particular to her. Now she was counting down the days until her 18th birthday and wondering what she should wear, and for how long, when Shego gave her a very special present. _"Bonnie kissed me,"_ she couldn't get that fact out of her mind either. Perhaps even more disturbing was the realization, _"and I liked it."_ Kim wasn't sure what to do about that. She didn't want to be unfaithful to Shego.

Maybe lesbians had more than one serious girlfriend at a time. Never having loved a woman before Kim possessed only a rudimentary idea of the proper etiquette. She remembered Alex Safic. Alex had come so far out of the closet she could no longer even see it from there. Alex would know the answer. Kim just had to ask her hypothetical questions carefully enough that Alex wouldn't suspect a thing.

Trusting Kim to attend class on the other side of the building Kim lay in ambush near Alex's locker. When the tall girl came to change books Kim pled for an audience.

Alex attempted to beg off with, "I need to get to algebra."

"Please, I have some important questions, and you are the only person who can help me."

"Me?" the tall girl asked, flattered to have the town hero's attention.

"Please, I've got a problem and need your help," Kim begged.

The two found an empty classroom and sat down in desks which were side by side. Kim hesitated "I'm really not even sure where to begin. I've always been straight. I mean, I thought I was straight... I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense."

"Perfectly natural," Alex told her, patting the redhead's hand, "there is a lot of confusion when we start to understand who we really are."

"That's just it. I don't know who I really are, er, am. I thought I knew. And now I'm wondering if I can have feelings for another person, besides the one who got me feeling confused."

"You're confusing me."

"Sorry, it's just that I'm not sure what to do with these feelings."

Kim found it a little disturbing that Alex had stopped patting her hand and was now patting Kim on the leg.

"It's an adjustment for all of us," Alex said in a soothing tone. "Society doesn't like who we are. We're told who we are supposed to love and if we rebel against the constraints it rocks their comfortable little prejudices."

Kim felt increasingly nervous as Alex's hand began to creep slowly up her leg. Finally Kim took Alex's hand by the wrist and gently removed it from her thigh. "I'm, ah, not sure if you're really hearing my question."

"Of course I hear your question," Alex assured her. "You want to have sex with me. That's fine, Kim, but I don't want to be late for algebra. We'll talk later."

With that the tall girl swiftly left for class, leaving Kim staring open-mouthed at her departing back. _"That didn't go the way it was supposed to,"_ she thought to herself.

Now she not only had ambiguous feelings about Bonnie in addition to her strong attraction for Shego, but she had Alex Safic convinced she was interested in her. _"Kim is not going to like this."_

Kim begged a favor from Kim after school, "Ron asked me to go to Bueno Nacho with him. Could you start homework without me?"

"Sure, but you owe me."

"Fine, I'll pay you back, I promise."

_"Just keep that in mind when I tell you about Alex."_

"Hey, Kim, sorry I'm late," Ron apologized when he finally arrived at the rendezvous point. "Stopped at the game store to see if Them III was in yet and Steve had a beta test up--"

Kim tuned him out. He was her best friend in the world and she loved him, but… She wasn't quite sure if he took her for granted because of their long friendship or if he suffered from Y-chromosome disease, the inability to understand how important little romantic gestures were. A flower, a unexpected compliment--

"And here we are," he said, opening the door at Bueno Nacho for her.

--taking her somewhere other that Bueno Nacho…

Kim ordered a small diet soda, while Ron ordered, "Two bean and cheese burritos, a Naco platter, and a large cola, please. Just a little snack before dinner." A scolding sound from his pocket reminded him, "Better make that two Naco platters."

To Ron's surprise Ned handed him a number, "Put that on your table. A server will bring your order out to you."

"When did this happen?"

"Something new, we hope to cut down on congestion around the counter."

"See," Ron pointed out, "you say we're in a rut -- but they're changing things here."

Kim sighed, there was no point in explaining that a new server at Bueno Nacho didn't count. Kim sat with her back to the counter, so she could face the door and not be surprised by anyone who came in. But she discovered not all surprises came in through the front door.

"Number twenty-seven?" asked a familiar voice.

Ron smiled, "Yo!"

Shego began setting their order down in front of them as Kim stared in disbelief. "Oh, Pumpkin, I'll be over later. I found this gorgeous silk scarf for Princess. It's green, but green goes so well with redheads. I think she'll love it."

Kim snapped. "Ron, is that Professor Dementor?" she asked, pointing out a side window to a seven year old on a skateboard. When Ron turned his head to look Kim grabbed the diet soda and poured it on herself. "Shego!" she screamed, "how could you?"

Ned came running, "What happened?"

"She… She…" Shego sputtered, knowing her word meant nothing against that of Middleton's hero. "It was an accident."

"The soda was dumped on me on purpose!"

"Ron, did you see anything?" Ned asked.

"Sorry, man."

"Turn in your apron," Ned told Shego.

Kim had yet another surprise coming, as Shego left the fast food stand Kim realized she felt guilty.

"I'm surprised," Ron mused, "but I guess you two hate each other so much it's hard to play fair."

"Yeah," Kim muttered. "Maybe it was an accident and she didn't mean it."

"But you said--"

"Never mind what I said," Kim snapped. _"Great I feel like a lousy human being and Shego is going to come up with something nasty to get back at me."_

Kim felt like nothing had gone right all day. Ron wasn't attentive enough, Bonnie had discovered there were two Kims, getting Shego fired gave her no pleasure, and when Shego took her revenge Kim would need to accept it as justified. And she still needed to tell Kim about Bonnie. On the positive side, Kim reasoned, it couldn't possibly get any worse. She forgot that fate possesses a cruel and creative imagination.

After supper Kims went to her room to finish their homework. "Tell me about your day," Kim asked. "What do I need to know if I see anyone in the hall tomorrow?"

"You tell me about your day first. I've got a little bad news."

"I, ah, have a little bad news also."

"Great," Kim sighed, closing her Civics textbook and rolling over to stare up at the ceiling. "I hoped one of us had something good to say."

"Well, I'm not sure how bad mine is… It's just a little… You go first."

Kim feared Kim's reaction, but knew she had to reveal what happened during school. She had to come clean about Bonnie, "I screwed up today."

"How?"

Kim tried to deflect the question with an accusation, "Well, you screwed up the thing with Bonnie yesterday."

"And whose idea was it to use me that way? Honestly, you only have yourself to blame for having her come on to you."

"IDIOT! SHE DIDN'T COME ON TO ME! SHE CAME ON TO YOU!"

"Same difference. Can you focus for a minute and tell me what happened today?"

"Bonnie knows there are two of me--"

"What!"

"Oh, er, I meant to tell you that earlier."

"You're calling me an idiot and you've screwed up like that?"

"I didn't screw up! She wanted to figure out how I could be two places at once--"

"Your dumb idea coming back to bite us in the ass."

"You went along with it. You didn't say it was dumb on Sunday."

"Well, I knew it was a dumb idea as soon as you said it."

"How did you know?"

"Because it came from you. And you told her there were two of me?"

"No, she watched our house this morning and saw you back the car out and then I came out with the tweebs."

"You should have had a disguise on!"

"Like you didn't yesterday?"

"What did you tell her? You confessed everything?"

"No, you think I'm that stupid?"

"In a word--"

"Never mind, I told her she couldn't reveal what she'd seen, it's a matter of national security."

Kim rolled her eyes, "That is so lame."

"Says the woman who told Barkin she was from the future!"

"I didn't! I answered his question and let him jump to his own conclusions."

"Well, what's your bad news?" Kim demanded.

Kim hesitated. Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on Kim when she learned about Bonnie's knowledge. "Do you want the bad news or the worse news?"

Kim closed her eyes and groaned, "You're serious, aren't you?"

Kim nodded yes, "I'll start with the bad news… You know I said Bonnie kissed me yesterday?"

"That's what got her thinking and spying on us this morning."

"Bad news, I liked it."

"KIM!" Kim screamed, "Tell me you're just messing with my head, please!"

"And that wasn't the worse news. I tried to talk with Alex Safic about it, and somehow she thought that the hypothetical girl I was talking about maybe having feelings for was her."

Kim stared at Kim in disbelief and horror. Finally she managed to speak, "How could you be such a total idiot? Alex has less discretion than Ron in a buffet line! She's going to tell everyone in school I'm gay."

"I just asked her a hypothetical question! She's the one who jumped to the wrong conclusion!"

"IDIOT!"

The Drs. Possible heard the crashing as they watched television in the family room. "Would you break that up, Dear?" Anne asked her husband. "I don't know why Kim can't play nicely with herself."


	9. Wednesday's Child Is Full of Woe

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I intended doing more in this chapter, especially with Tara and Kevin Guberman, who Campy paired in Mating Games. I planned a long athletic banquet scene, but it created too many loose ends, so I chopped the scene drastically and lost its humor in the process.

**Wednesday's Child Is Full of Full of Woe**

Kim awoke to two realizations.

First, there was no justice in the world. While she had long suspected that sorry fact yesterday had offered abundant proof. It had taken years and years for Ron and her to realize their love for each other. The fake Kim arrived on Saturday and within four days had Shego, Bonnie, and Alex all in pursuit of her. No justice, no justice at all. Not that she was jealous.

Second, she had shot herself in the leg the day before. To thwart Bonnie required the judicious application of an even greater evil and Kim only knew one person who qualified – Shego.

Kim ran inside at the Stoppables instead of waiting for Ron to come out. She found Shego with Ron's parents in the kitchen, "Quick, I need to talk with you."

"Princess?"

"No, I—"

Shego turned her back on Kim and continued a conversation with Ron's dad.

"Look," Kim interrupted, "I'm trying to tell you something you need to know."

"I'm sure," Shego remarked sarcastically, "just like I needed to get fired yesterday."

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. But you want to know this."

"If you knew something I wanted to know you would be the last person who would tell me."

"No, I—"

"Yes. You've got an angle."

"Okay, I do have an angle. But you still need to know this."

Ron stuck his head in the kitchen and saw Kim. "I'm going out to the car, coming with me?"

"In a minute, Ron." She turned back to Shego, "Well?"

"I'm listening. Tell me what you want first and I'll decide if it's worth helping you."

"Kim and I like the fact there is only supposed to be one of me. Well, the little idiot—"

"This is how you ask me for help?"

"Look, she thinks she might be interested in a girl named Bonnie, and a girl named Alex may be interested in Kim. You've got two rivals."

"And you've got the threat that everyone in school will think you're a lesbian."

"I admitted I had an interest in this too. I don't like you. I don't like the other me dating you. But I don't want her ruining me – at least you know how to keep your mouth shut."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Kim admitted, "You're the devious evil one. But I want something more subtle that death threats."

"Okay, Possible. But if I can pull it off you have to admit you owe me big time."

"Fine."

Stores in the mall opened at nine, and Shego tried to decide on a course of action as she headed over to look for another job. The news she had rivals troubled her. She wondered why Kim had objected to death threats; Shego had always found them an effective means of making a point. She suspected that Kim would find threats of great bodily harm equally objectionable.

At school one Kim or the other managed to work in the gym almost every hour that day, helping get it ready for the Athletics Awards Banquet that evening. To avoid any possible problem with Bonnie the two had agreed that Ron's Kim would attend the banquet while the other Kim would finish any homework that hadn't been completed because of the marathon decorating session.

At the end of fifth period Liz, Crystal, and Kim looked over the gym. The caterers had been in to set up tables and begin their work for the meal itself and everything appeared finished. "I can't believe we got it done so fast," Liz commented.

"Yeah, I figured we'd be here for at least an hour after school."

Kim laughed, "Hope didn't think we could do it either. I was working with her during second period and she guessed at least an hour and a half after school."

"How could you have been working here with Hope during second period? You were in English with me?" Crystal asked.

"Er, maybe it wasn't second period. I'm so stressed out I'm sort of forgetful these days."

"You'd better not have forgotten those references you promised for my history paper," Liz said.

"When did I promise them?"

"KIM! It's due tomorrow! You promised before first period."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This banquet is taking all my brain power."

The bell rang and Liz stormed out of the gym, angry with Kim for her absent-mindedness. As she reached her locker, however, Kim came running up from the other direction. "Glad I caught you," Kim panted, "here are the references I promised – I've been looking for you."

Liz mumbled a, "Thanks," with her mouth wide open in amazement.

"Got to run," Kim said, "Need to work on getting the gym finished."

Liz stared at her retreating form, "_Bonnie is right. Kim is weird."_

---

Worries over what brought a Kim from the future kept Steve Barkin on the brink of a nervous breakdown. He kept visiting the gym, wondering what tragedy would be played out this evening, wondering if the girl from the future could avert the disaster despite the claim she was not allowed to meddle in the past. He ruled out a terrorist attack on a high school athletics award banquet as unlikely. Natural disasters – tornados, floods, earthquakes, or a visit from his aunt Daphne were acts of God no human power could hope to avert. Food poisoning… Yes, the entire athletic program of Middleton high laid low by salmonella. He called the caterer, who refused to change the menu at the last minute.

Was the Kim from the future even here to avert tragedy, or was she part of a fact-finding mission to determine what had caused the disaster? Or, if the future took an interest in this athletic banquet, could one of the students here this evening go on to do something so tremendous an assassin from some more distant future was being sent to eliminate the earth's future savior? Would killer cyborgs who looked like the governor of California invade the dinner? Barkin did a fast mental run through on the list of Middleton athletes. He couldn't imagine any of them leading the war against the machines… Maybe someone in the chess club… And how could he be certain the Kim from the future was really Kim. Maybe the second generation of killer cyborgs could change their features to look like anyone.

After receiving that epiphany Barkin spent more time in the gym scrutinizing Kim as she worked with the other cheerleaders.

While Kim supervised the gym, and Mr. Barkin supervised her, the other Kim gave Shego a call.

"Hello?"

"How are you? I missed you so much today. When can I see you?"

"Well, I'm working right now."

"Where are you?"

"I started at Club Banana this morning. I—"

"Cool. I should be there in twenty. _Ciao_."

With twenty minutes to prepare for Kim's arrival Shego needed to finalize her plans. When informed she had rivals for Kim the green woman's first reaction had been to make a jealous scene. Over the course of the day she realized that was not the most productive approach. She also caught herself wondering why it mattered so much to her. She told herself she didn't love the cheerleader, but only wanted to be the first one to take her to bed -- although she could not figure out why even that mattered to her.

She had kept her lust for Kim very successfully in check for years. It had been relatively easy since the fact the two were usually trying to inflict great bodily harm on each other presented a serious impediment to a long-term relationship. Shego spent a lot of time keeping her libido in check by focusing on her animosity towards Kim. With the impediment to a relationship seemingly gone Shego felt torn, wanting Kim and still hating her at the same time.

Monique arrived shortly after the call from Kim. She stopped and introduced herself, quietly whispering that she knew the secrets of the Kims. A few minutes later Kim arrived, and Shego stopped her job of straightening the stock.

"Can I help you," the pale woman asked eagerly. "Anything I can do? Anything at all? I am here to serve you."

Kim giggled nervously. "I was just going to look around."

"Can't have that," Shego winked at her. "Pick something out to try on. I'm eager to see what you have in your pants… I mean, I'm eager to see you in my pants… I mean, our pants. Club Banana pants. Yeah, that's what I meant. Pick up a couple pair to try on."

Shego mentally kicked herself for sounding like such an idiot. She couldn't figure out why Kim had such an effect on her. She killed time, straightening up piles of sweaters, while Kim chose a couple pair of slacks to try on and headed back to the changing rooms. A minute later Shego casually strolled back to the changing rooms herself.

"Kim?" she whispered softly.

"In here," came the reply.

Club Banana provided large fitting rooms. Shego slipped in with Kim and locked the door behind her. The green woman noticed her hands were trembling slightly as she backed the giggling teen into a corner so their legs would not be visible under the raised bottom of the door. Some of the love potion must have stayed on Kim. Shego tried to fight it; reminding herself she was an evil thief who didn't care about anyone else in the world. She told herself she wanted nothing more than to seduce and abandon her old enemy, but her stomach was tied in a jealous knot at the thought Kim might be interested in this Bonnie or Alex.

The two kissed gently and Shego felt a thrill as great as that first day when she had agreed to Kim's plan to turn state's evidence and go straight. This was insane. She had to fight it. Kim's lips worked on the older woman's throat, Shego had trouble remembering why she wanted to fight this; surrender would be infinitely easier and more enjoyable. Shego resolved to say nothing of her fears, or her plans with the other Kim to break things up.

Kim brought the subject up herself, "Shego," she said softly, "I'm sorry. I got interested in another girl." It felt like Kim had stuck a knife in her stomach and twisted it. "I mean, I thought I did. I…"

Shego gave her a minute, "You what?"

"I'm new at this. Can I trust you?"

Shego paused from nibbling at Kim's ear, "Trust me, please, I won't lie to you," she lied.

"Do you love me?"

Shego hesitated, "I don't know what's happening with me. I could say, 'I love you' this second -- and I don't know if I would be lying or telling the truth. I've wanted you for a long time Princess, but I've hated you too. Since last Saturday I don't know what I'm feeling."

"Me neither," Kim confessed. "When I'm with you I don't want to be with anyone else. But liking another woman is so new to me I don't know what I'm thinking or doing… All I know for sure is when your tongue is in my ear I don't want anyone else."

Extracting the aforementioned tongue from the previously mentioned ear, "It is a wonderfully talented tongue," Shego promised. Kim giggled. Shego held Kim tight, "I'm not sure I know what love is. But I know there is no one in the world I want to be with more than you."

The redhead smiled, "I guess that's enough for now."

But apparently not quite enough for Shego, whose hand had started to work its way into Kim's top. She was interrupted by the voice of the manager over the intercom, "Ms. Go to the registers."

Shego grabbed the two pair of slacks Kim had brought to the changing room, "Stay here," she hissed as Kim as she exited.

"Where were you," the manager demanded.

"Er, trying on slacks?" Shego offered lamely.

"First day on the job? Sorry, but that is not acceptable for employees."

After Shego left the store Monique headed back to the fitting rooms. "Kim?"

"Yeah?"

"Put your clothes back on, GF, the green lady got canned from this job."

On her way home Kim tried to buy a sympathy bouquet for Shego, but found they offered no arrangements with black and green blossoms.

The Middleton Athletics Awards Dinner was the annual celebration of all high school sports. Athletes who had lettered in three or more sports sat at the head table with Mr. Barkin and the head coaches for the men's and women's athletics programs, with those who had lettered in two sports toward the ends of the head table.

Tables were set up by sports, with the longest table for the football team. Swimming, basketball, baseball, and track all had long tables also. Sports like golf and tennis received short tables. And two long tables received a miscellany of things like badminton, fencing, and the chess club. Inclusion of the chess players caused a storm of protest from the team sports, who demanded to know if 'rocks-scissors-paper' or 'count the number of beans in the jar' competitors would be invited next year.

The cheerleaders opted out of their own table and elected to sit out at the team tables. Ostensibly this showed support for the various programs at Middleton. In reality the cheerleaders sat by significant others. Kim sat by Ron at the football table.

Kim tried to avoid looking at the swimming table. She hoped Maggie and the captain of the girl's swim team could keep their hand-holding under the table. Kim had tolerated the two seeing each other through most of the school year, but since Kim announced her interest in Shego Kim had grown more intolerant to the idea. She managed to glare once or twice at Bonnie on general principles, seated by the captain of the basketball team.

Tara choosing to sit by Kevin Guberman, first board on the chess team, came as a shock to many. Kevin was tall and thin, with a shock of dark hair he claimed by way of Nimzo-Indian descent on his mother's side.

A variety of school letters, pins, awards, trophies, and plaques were presented to various teams and individuals. The plaques would be added to the display case across from the office. Trophies won by various teams were presented by team captains for the display case also.

In Barkin's mind the year had been a total washout for Middleton. The only state championship came from women's swimming. None of the 'real' sports even made the state finals. By definition men played 'real' sports, not women. So the other awards for second place in women's volleyball and a tournament trophy for field hockey meant nothing. 'Real' sports didn't include the sports where men's teams won recognition: second place in state for golf and third place for tennis, along with fourths for men's swimming and gymnastics. Barkin questioned the sexual orientation of all the men on the gymnastics team.

The greatest indignity called for him to accept an award for a team that truly had no business at the athletics dinner. A sullen hush fell on most of the tables as Mr. Barkin announced, "Middleton had one unbeaten team this season." He glared at the football squad. "One team which not only took the state title," he turned his glare on the basketball players, "but went on to win a national championship." He held up the largest of the trophies from the table behind him. "Middleton is pleased to accept this recognition from the chess club."

Barkin breathed a sigh of relief as the gym cleared. No disasters had marred the evening. Either future Kim's efforts kept things safe, or, if she was a killer, shape-shifting cyborg, the human resistance eliminated her before her plan went into effect. A pleasant thought entered his head, perhaps he represented earth's best hope in the future. He imagined himself, organizing the earth's defenses.

The thought put him in such a pleasant frame of mind he resolved to say something nice to Ron. Kim and Ron, sitting head to head and talking quietly with each other, were the last two students left in the gym. He walked over, "Congratulations on the running back award. Nothing like cowardice to produce a great runner."

"Thanks, Mr. B." Ron recognized it was the closest thing to a compliment he would ever receive.

"Hey, nice watch, Stoppable. I don't think I've ever seen one like it."

"Thanks." Ron lifted his arm to give Mr. Barkin a better view, and with his right hand tried to move the face of the watch to provide Barkin with a better angle to see. Not understanding all the functions on the watch, however, he managed to trigger one. The wire which shot out from the watch hit Barkin in the middle of his forehead. A jolt of energy surged through the wire and Barkin collapsed on the floor.

Ron panicked, "I killed him! I killed him, didn't I KP? It was all so perfect – sitting by you, getting the award."

"Quiet, Ron," Kim ordered, looking for a pulse. "He's still alive. What is that watch? It looks like that one Will Du had."

"Oh, yeah, he gave it to me."

"He gave it to you?"

"Well, he gave it to Shego to give to me."

Kim rolled her eyes in disbelief. "And you believed her?" She took out the Kimmunicator. "Wade, we've got a sitch."

"What's up?"

"Ron put Mr. Barkin in stasis with a Global Justice watch Shego stole from Will Du."

"Okay," Wade said slowly, trying to digest the information.

Kim continued speaking, "Can you figure out how long he'll be out?"

Ron moved his head over by Kim's so he could see the screen, "Yeah, like, is he going to be out long enough for me to get out of the country or just out of state?"

"Hold the Kimmunicator where I can scan Barkin, then let me scan the watch."

Three minutes later Wade gave his report. "Your stasis guess was right," he told Kim.

"Yeah, it's used to bring in recalcitrant prisoners."

"Recalcitrant?" Ron asked, "Does that mean their bodies are turning into rock?"

Kim and Wade ignored him. "The watch setting was at twenty-four hours—"

"Cool," Ron interrupted. "Kim, if you need to get in touch with me after he wakes up I should be hiding in outer Mongolia."

"Quiet, Ron. I don't want to lose you. I'm trying to figure out how to keep Barkin from getting angry with you."

"Well, like I say, when you figure it out sent me a wire in Mongolia. They say that yak butter is pink. Is that true?"

On the Kimmunicator screen Wade nodded his head yes.

"I said quiet," Kim repeated. Let me think… Okay, I have it. Ron, we're going to send Barkin to the future."

Ron and Wade both stared at her. "Ah, Kim, you need to know I don't do future," Wade reminded her.

"Well, we all know that, but remember, Barkin doesn't. I'll talk with you later, Wade. Ron and I have to hide Barkin in the mat storage room under the bleachers before the catering crew gets here to clean up."


	10. Thursday's Child Has Far to Go

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Thursday's Child Has Far to Go**

Shego impressed the manager at Pickle on a Pike™ the moment she walked in the door and asked about the Help Wanted sign. "You came made up for the job, great. Can you start immediately?"

Within minutes he issued her a helm, chain-mail, tunic, and halberd (she didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a pike) and she began making the rounds at the Middleton Mall.

After her second swing through the mall she stopped by the store as a woman asked her child what kind of a pickle he wanted. He looked up at Shego and fell on the floor crying and kicking his heels, "I do'n wanna be green! I do'n wanna be green."

As the woman took the shrieking child from the store the manager reluctantly asked Shego to turn in her costume.

Shego reflected philosophically as she headed over to Wade's house that she now had more time to work out her plan to neutralize Bonnie. Shego feared it might be difficult to procure Wade's help. "I really have a problem," she told him, "What do you know about PHDs?"

"Well, I'm working on my third PhD," he sniffed.

"Not PhDs, PHDs - Personal Holographic Devices."

"I've worked some with them. They aren't really great for disguise. While you look like the image in the device if anyone feels you they can tell you don't feel like you look. There are a half dozen other ways to see through them so they're really close to worthless in terms of serious methods of taking on another identity."

"Well, I need a favor, you got time?"

"For you? No, too busy with my PhD program to help with your PHD problem. There is no way to get over the inherent limitations of the PHD."

"Well, I'm dealing with a couple people who probably have no clue about those limitations, so they can be fooled. I need two PHDs of Kim… And then I had a request I'm not sure you could have done anyway."

"What was it?"

"The problem would require a genius to pull it off."

"I'm a genius."

"Maybe Dr. Freeman could help me."

"Darn it, Shego, what do you need?"

"I don't need anything. Kim needs it. And Kim really needs it to be done right. I like Dr. Freeman, a real genius. Easy guy to talk with too."

"I can do it."

"I thought you were too busy?"

"Your… Kim's problem intrigues me."

"I don't want to bother you. And you don't even know that it is."

"Please tell me."

"I don't know… Kim is trusting me because she—"

"Kim trusts me! Please. I want to help."

Shego paused for dramatic effect, "Well… I suppose Kim might be willing to let you know… One of the Kims messed up and Bonnie knows there are two of them. They want me to confuse Bonnie—"

"Sounds like no big. Is that why you need to the PHDs?"

"Afraid it gets a little more complicated. Someone else got thrown into the mix. So we need a holographic projector also—"

"I've got projectors."

"Will you stop interrupting, or I'll get a real scientist to help." Wade bristled at the insult, but kept his mouth closed. "I don't need a plain holographic image projected. I can get those projectors at Radio Hut. I need something that's never been done before. I need something rigged where a projector seems to cast a light, just like a light bulb, only anyone stepping under the light will appear to look like the holographic image stored in the projector - sort of casting the PHD onto anyone who walks under the light."

"It can't be done."

"I didn't think you could do it."

"IT CAN'T BE DONE! You can't make any kind of disguise that can fool anyone like that. There would just be too many limitations on the projected image."

"And we're dealing with two people who probably have half a brain between them. I don't need a foolproof image."

"Look, I've got a reputation to uphold and protect. If I produce some slip-shod work for Kim--"

"That's perfectly all right," Shego interrupted with a soothing voice. "If you can't do it you can't do it. I'll just give Dr. Freeman a call. He really impressed me."

Shego worried Wade might explode when he replied, "I CAN DO IT! But you've been told it can't be very effective. That's impossible!"

"And I told you it doesn't need to be as good as the basic PHD. I doubt if it gets used for more than six seconds, max. The PHDs need to be good though."

"Fine," Wade grunted wearily, wondering if he'd been conned. "Get Kim here after school and I'll get the images I need for the PHD."

Shego wanted a job so she could start taking money out of her secret accounts. She hated walking all over town and her feet hurt as she leaned against the Sloth and waited for Kim to get out of school. "Are you the real Kim or the cheap fake?" she asked as a familiar figure approached.

"Drop dead."

"Okay, bad answer to the woman who is trying to save your reputation."

Kim took a deep breath. "Sorry, hating you just feels so normal. Besides you don't want to help me, you just want to keep your hooks in Kim."

"You got my motives right, But you've got it easy. I hate your guts and want to get into Kim's pants. Talk about Cognitive Dissonance."

---  
**Note**: The FCC requires I point out that the preceding dialog represents a shameless promotion for the Best Enemies series by King in Yellow. No animals were harmed in testing the ad.  
---

"Okay, that's just weird and sick. Any good news about our mutual problem?"

"I've got a plan that should work. Wade is helping me. But I need one of you to stop there for some holographic images."

"Hmm, I've got to help Ron with his Barkin problem. Kim can do it… Can the two of you come over to the gym between eight and nine? Ron and I may need a little help."

"Things might be easier if the two of you just admitted there are two of you."

"Not until I know what happened, or we graduate high school, whichever comes first."

"Oh, feeling a little touchy 'cause you know you're the fake, huh?"

Kim gritted her teeth, fortunately her ordeal ended soon with the appearance of Kim and Ron.

Kim left them at Wade's. Shego explained the necessity of the holographic images without going into details about her plan. "Oh, one thing to remember, Princess."

"Yes."

"You don't need to take your clothes off for the holographic images. I don't know if Wade would use that old line on you or not. But do _not_ take your clothes off for these images."

"Okay."

"Of course, if you want to take them off later with me…"

Steve Barkin's absence at Middleton High had received everyone's notice and comment, but no one's concern. "Should I call his home and see if he's sick?" the school secretary asked.

"Better not," the principal told her, "he may think we need him to come in today. If he's not back on Monday you can give him a call."

That evening, long after the custodial staff had gone home, Kims, Shego and Ron gathered in the gym. Kim consulted her watch, "Okay, it's about half an hour until he comes out of it. Ron, you know what you have to do." She handed him a package.

Ron did not resemble a happy camper, "I don't suppose anyone wants to help."

"Clean and shave Barkin and put him in new clothing? I don't think so," Shego snorted.

"Well, you're the one who gave me the watch!"

"Well if you'd been more careful—"

"Quiet," Kim told them. "We're here for you Ron. We just won't go in there for you. Let us know when you've got him ready."

When Ron had Barkin ready a Kim and Shego helped drag him out to the gym floor.

"Wasn't it about here?" Ron asked.

"Pretty close… Maybe a couple feet more over this way."

With Barkin in position the Kim in a vaguely futuristic outfit stayed with him as the other three retreated to the safety of the parking lot.

Barkin emerged from statis in a satisfactorily groggy state. "What happened," he groaned.

"You attempted to interfere with the prime directive, twice."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember."

"No."

"Good, then the mind wipe worked."

"Mind wipe? Interference with the prime directive—"

"Twice."

"Can you tell me anything?"

"I can tell you…" She looked at the Global Justice watch on her wrist, which she had borrowed from Ron. "Oh, bother. This is the wrong night."

"Wrong night?"

"We meant to send you back to last night."

He shook his head, trying to clear away the cobwebs.

"Ron Stoppable could not make it to the awards banquet last night—"

"That was last night? He was here."

"No, he was sick in bed. But it was necessary he appear to be here—"

"Can you tell me why?"

She shook her head sadly. "You've already broken the prime directive twice and paid the penalty by being mind-wiped. If you knew the full picture I would have to kill you."

"That's okay, I've never been curious."

"I can tell you that you interfered with the time agent sent to impersonate Ron Stoppable. You returned to the future with him—"

"I was in the future?"

"Will you listen instead of interrupting? Interfering with the time agent was one offense. I am not allowed to tell you how many weeks you were in the future. You were discovered in the holo-archives seeking information on sporting events. The court convicted you of attempting to alter the past for your own benefit. You were mind wiped from your trip to the future and we attempted to send you back to the night you disappeared from history.

"I disappeared from history?"

"Well, duh, you went to the future, remember? Oh, wait, you don't remember. Never mind. You've been given another chance at life. Don't blow it again."

With that final warning Kim left, feeling certain Barkin would not ask any questions if he saw a second Kim again.

"Well, that's Barkin down," Kim told the others when she joined them in the car.

"Yeah, but what are you going to do with Bonnie and Alex?" Kim asked Shego.

"Ron and I have that covered tomorrow afternoon, with a little help from Wade."

"Will it work?" Kim wanted to know.

"It should," the green woman assured her, "but having to take your National Security excuse into account made it harder. Next time just promise to--"

"There may not be a next time," Ron spoke up, defending his Kim. "And besides, we can just recycle this idea if we need to."

"I want royalties if we do," Shego muttered under her breath. "Hey, what are we going to do now? Want to go out to the lake and watch the submarine races?"

"School night," Kim reminded her. "We have to go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Kim drove Ron and Shego home first. Watching Kim and Shego make out in the back seat left Kim in an irritable mood. "Next time you drive and Ron and I get the back seat," she snapped at Kim when they stopped at the Stoppable home. Compounding her frustration, Ron felt a little shy in front of an audience and only gave her a two star good-night kiss.


	11. Friday's Child Is Loving and Giving

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

**Friday's Child Is Loving and Giving**

Despite Kim's profession of love Shego still didn't trust her around Bonnie and Alex, the pale woman feared the risk of something going wrong. And so 'Pumpkin' received the directions on setting the two up. Bonnie proved the easier of the pair. "Synchronize your watch with mine, you have to--"

"Synchronize watches? You're really keeping up this whole 'National Security' nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense, Bonnie. This is important. It's a life and death matter."

"Can the melodramatics, Possible."

"You'll see. You need to be at the west door of Hidalgo Storage at exactly six-thirty this evening. Knock and the door shall be opened."

Bonnie grumbled, but promised to be there exactly on time.

Since Alex had no clue there were two Kims running around Kim needed all her powers of persuasion to convince the tall girl that A: Kim had no interest in her, B: Kim had not talked with her, C: Kim really had no interest in her, D: She could meet the girl who had the conversation with her, E: Kim really, really had no interest in her, and F: If she tried to touch Kim again in any inappropriate way Kim might forget she was a lady and deck her.

"The girl who talked with you will be at Hidalgo Storage at exactly six-thirty this evening--"

"It really wasn't you?" Alex asked for the fourteenth time.

"No. Now, as I was--"

"She really looked like you."

"I know she looked like me. Just promise to show up tonight at the east door of Hidalgo Storage. You do know the difference between east and west, right?"

"Of course I do," Alex grumbled. Alex couldn't figure out what the elaborate planning and cover story was all about. If Kim wasn't sending her on a wild goose chase she felt certain it would be Kim she saw that evening.

Shego reported early for her first day of work at Smarty Mart. She had nearly finished her shift when she heard the page over the intercom, "Miss Go, please report to the payroll office."

The pale woman grinned as she sat down, finally she'd be able to start taking some money from her accounts.

"All right, let me go over the figures with you. As a new employee you receive fifty percent less than minimum wage – that lasts until your training period is over in eighteen months. We took out taxes. Then you lost ten percent of your salary for not smiling at every customer, a twenty percent penalty for speaking English, another twenty percent penalty for sending customers to the proper department for what they were looking for – you should have paid attention in orientation when we explained how we depend on impulse buying from shoppers looking for other items," the fingers of the woman behind the desk flew over the keys of her calculator as she spoke. "There is a thirty-five percent penalty for refusing to work the required overtime without pay, a five percent penalty for taking your full twenty minutes for lunch, and a ten percent penalty for not ordering from the Smarty Mart cafeteria…"

The woman peered closely at Shego's skin color, "Is there any chance you are an illegal alien?"

"Nope, born and raised in the U S of A."

"Then you aren't eligible for the illegal alien bonus." She pulled a column of figures from a printout on the calculator. "That means you owe us thirty-one dollars and sixteen cents for your first day of work. Will that be cash or would you prefer to open a Smarty Mart credit account – only forty-eight percent interest _per annum_?"

Shego looked at the column of figures in disbelief. "That can't be right."

"Let me see them again." The head of payroll chuckled as she looked over the items. "You're right, I'm sorry. We forgot to charge you for the vest and name badge. That's fifty-seven dollars and sixteen cents you owe."

"I'm home," Shego called thirty minutes later as she walked in the front door at the Stoppables.

"Are you all right?" Rachel called, running into the living room with Hana in her arms.

"I'm fine. What's going on?"

"It was just on the news, there was a big explosion at Smarty Mart. I knew you were working there today and was afraid you might have been injured."

"That happened just as my shift ended. I don't think the damage went beyond the payroll office. They haven't found the head of payroll yet."

The evening plans required two Kims, at least one of whom was not Kim. Since Shego didn't trust Kim at all, and feared Kim might be tempted by Bonnie, she would have to serve as Kim prime while Ron filled in as the second Kim.

They arrived at Hidalgo Storage just after six. "Why are we breaking in here?" Ron wanted to know.

"We're not breaking in. I paid the manager to let us use the place for an hour or so this evening."

"Then why are you picking the lock?"

"He didn't have a spare key to loan me, okay?" After opening the door Shego told him, "Let's test the first piece of equipment. Wade showed me it works, but you need to master the switch."

Ron and Shego stood facing each other. "Now!" she told him. They each flipped a switch and Kim faced Kim. "Off," she ordered. Kim stood facing Shego. "Try it again," she commanded. After a little more practice Ron mastered the switch.

As he stood there as 'Kim' however, he reached up and attempted to cop of feel of himself. His hand went through the important part of the holographic image completely. "Ah, man," he complained.

"That's why the PHDs aren't perfect," Shego told him. "It's important you don't let either one of them get close enough to discover that. You got that?"

Ron nodded, "But I thought getting a PhD was a good thing."

"I ran that joke into the ground with Wade. Help me get the projector in place."

A long hall ran through the center of Hidalgo Storage. It widened out slightly in the center of the building, where the manager's desk sat to one side. Shego loosened some bulbs until a single light illuminated the area. She quickly mounted the projector by the bulb. With a remote she could turn either the single bulb or the projector on and off. With the projector on she told Ron, "Walk under the light."

"Okay, now what?"

"You're Kim."

"I am?"

"Not a very good Kim. This is going to be the tricky part. The image of Kim projected onto whoever stands in the light isn't very good. I can't let them stand here for more than a couple seconds before I turn it off. And remember, your voice is useless. Take the door over there. When you let Bonnie in, don't say a word. Just point her down the hallway."

"What if one of them doesn't show up?"

"Don't even think about it. We can use the PHDs alone on just Bonnie… Probably on just Alex too. But if we're going to do 'em both we need them here at the same time. Keep Kim's fingers crossed.

Bonnie, being punctual to a fault-- Bonnie managed to do almost everything to a fault-- knocked at exactly 6:30 and 'Kim' let her in and pointed down the shadowy corridor. "Go that way?" the brunette asked.

'Kim' nodded yes, and Bonnie proceeded cautiously.

On the other side of the building 'Kim' waited impatiently, afraid Alex wouldn't show. "You're late, she's waiting for you," 'Kim' hissed and pointed Alex down the corridor. Alex almost ran down the hall, with Shego jogging to keep up. The pale green woman hit her remote and the regular light bulb went out as the projector came on.

To Alex it seemed that Kim had stepped under the light. The tall girl couldn't understand it, since she could hear Kim jogging behind her, but Alex decided to glomp first and ask questions later.

Bonnie knew that Kim had stayed behind her, and couldn't understand when Kim suddenly came running at her from the other direction.

Even though both women, unlike Ron, had places where Kim had places Shego couldn't risk them discovering how poorly Kim stood up to handling. She got back on the remote and turned the projector off and regular bulb back on while Alex kept Bonnie occupied. She circled the shadows around the cone of light illuminating the two women and found Ron, still in his 'Kim' image.

The two Kims strolled over to where Bonnie and Alex were rolling around on the floor. "See, there aren't two of me," Shego said -- trying her best to sound like Kim. "It was a trick. Just a holographic image."

"Don't be stupid," Bonnie spat, "I kissed a Kim… Oh, right there Alex… Damn, that's good… Kim was out with the cheerleaders. It was a real person… OOoooohhh."

"A real person in a holographic image," Shego explained. Kim nudged Kim and Ron turned off his PHD.

"Actually, it was me," he told Bonnie.

"You, ah, went into, ah, the girl's, ah, locker room? OOOoohhh, that's nice Alex."

"Will you stop talking with him while I'm having hot lesbian sex with you," the tall girl complained.

"Can't help it," Bonnie moaned, "I'm a flaming bi. Hey, Ron, I'll give you a call tonight after I'm done here. You kiss good."

"SLUT!" Alex complained.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Bonnie shifted her position, and kept the short-haired girl too busy with her own moans of pleasure.

Shego, took comfort in the fact the two women were too preoccupied to notice her voice didn't sound as much like Kim's as she would like, "It's a top secret device Bonnie. They asked me to test it. I'm sorry you saw us trying it out. But for the sake of National Security you can't tell anyone what you saw -- it would risk people's lives -- US intelligence agents and maybe US troops. Do you understand?" At the moment it appeared Bonnie didn't understand much other than she had underestimated Alex. "Um, can you moan twice if you understand?"

Bonnie dutifully and sincerely moaned twice.

Shego, still looking like Kim, pulled on Ron's arm. "We need to get out of here?"

"Please let me watch just another minute."

"No! We have to go to Ki-- my house."

Bonnie recovered enough to look up, "She's a prude, later Stoppable," and gave him a wink.

"Don't stop," Alex gasped, "please, don't stop."

_"The things we must do for National Security,"_ Bonnie thought as she resumed her wrestling match with Alex.

Shego turned off her PHD as they left the area where Bonnie and Alex could see them. "Hidalgo Storage isn't open on the weekend. I'll come back later and get the projector down. Shall we go over and celebrate our triumphs with Kims?" Shego asked.

"You can go without me," Ron yawned. "Athletics award dinner Wednesday, bringing Barkin back from the future on Thursday, and now this. I'm beat."

They walked a couple blocks together, then split up for their respective destinations.

Kim's dad answered the door, "Shego, I wanted to talk with you. Please come into the den for a minute." He ushered her in and closed the door. "I have a question about legal status," he explained.

"The pictures of me and Kim on the internet are fakes! I swear it!"

"That wasn't the question... But I may need to check on that. No, what did the courts say about _your_ legal status?"

"Oh, the Feds have promised me an amnesty if I told them the truth. I did, but they say it may take a few months to verify everything."

"What are they doing to monitor your behavior in the meantime?"

"Besides this?" she asked, pointing to the GPS ankle bracelet. "They may appoint someone to keep an eye on me. I'm not really a parole officer's job. The Feds and Global Justice weren't sure whose jurisdiction I fall under, and given some of the information I passed on they want someone with a high level of security clearance. I don't know if they'll find anyone dumb enough to take on the job."

"Actually, they have."

Shego laughed, "That's going to be one ugly job."

"I hope not. They asked me. As Kim's father they thought I might know something about you."

"Oh," Shego said very quietly.

---

Leave review for the couple lines that got censored.


	12. Saturday's Child Works Hard for a Living

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

**Saturday's Child Works Hard for Living**

The first figure moved quietly through the darkness. She felt relatively secure and didn't take as many precautions to throw off pursuit as she could have or, as it turned out, she should have.

Her pursuer moved with greater stealth, realizing it was imperative she not be seen. From the direction the woman in front of her headed the follower had a good idea of her destination. The second woman smiled; there was a faster way to Ron's house, which the other Kim would avoid because it was more visible. Kim dropped the pursuit and ran to reach Ron's house first. She guessed she was three minutes ahead of Kim as she found a place to conceal herself. "Bingo," she whispered as the side door on Ron's house opened and someone slipped out into the night to stand in the even darker shadows under the garage eaves.

Kim pulled the camera from its pouch. According to Wade it would take almost crystal clear photos on infrared mode. She needed to find a position to monitor the lurker under the eaves while insuring she wasn't spotted herself.

Fortunately the couple in the shadows of the garage weren't looking for anyone but each other. Kim smiled, once those two went into a clinch she felt like she could have gotten within three feet of them without them being aware of her presence.

Ron's voice startled Kim and Shego, "Hey, Kim, whatcha taking pictures of?" They turned and saw Kim, who took off running. They were too startled to pursue. Seconds later Ron came running out, in pajamas, to stare at her retreating figure.

"What happened?" Shego asked.

He looked over, and saw Kim and Shego for the first time that morning. "I came out for the paper and saw Kim taking pictures of something… That must have been you."

"And she's going to show them to her dad!" Shego said in an annoyed voice.

Ron offered the helpful opinion, "I think her mom may be more dangerous."

"But her dad can recommend to the feds that I go into a Federal pen until they've verified the information I gave them."

Kim broke in, "We can't let her."

"Call her," Shego ordered. "She's supposed to owe me."

Kim called herself on the cell phone, and Shego took it from her hand while it was ringing. "Okay, what in the hell are you doing?" Shego yelled when Kim answered. "You said you'd owe me if I pulled your butt out of the fire. Well I did."

"Oh, you did a great job," Kim told her sarcastically.

"Yeah, I happen to think I did. What is your problem?"

"Ask loverboy there who he was out with last night."

Shego looked over at Ron, "She says to ask you who you were out with last night."

"I'm, uh, taking the fifth."

Shego got back on the phone, "Look, Pumpkin, the fact you can't hold on to your man isn't my fault."

"You set it up! You got Bonnie interested in him!"

"Did not! You're not feminine enough to hold your guy and that's my fault?"

Shego moved the phone from her ear to keep Kim's scream of fury from deafening her. When Kim paused to take a breath Shego got back on the line, figuratively speaking of course since cell phones are cordless, "You don't want to show your parents those pictures."

"Why not?"

"… Um, well… It's because we have even more incriminating evidence on you."

"Ha!"

"Do so."

"Do not."

"Oh, yeah? Don't show them the pictures yet or you'll be sorry."

"You tell me what you have over the phone, I'll decide."

"Not going to do that. Give me a couple hours to get my evidence. I'll show you it's a lot worse for you than a little kissing."

"You've got until noon," Kim told her, and ended the call.

Shego looked over at Kim and Ron, "Okay, Princess, I have until noon to find the camera and get the memory card out of it. Where would you hide it?"

"I wouldn't hide it. I'd expect you to try and steal it so I'd keep it with me constantly."

"Damn, well, I'm not coming up with instant idea. Write to me in Leavenworth."

Kim hesitated a minute, "I've got an idea. You're worried about incriminating photos of you and me, right?"

Shego nodded her head yes.

"Well, we need to get photos even more incriminating of Kim and Ron."

"I don't know about that," Ron said nervously.

"And Kim is not going to let us get close when she's with Ron."

"Ah," Kim smiled, "do we need Kim for the pictures when you have me? It's not like the camera can tell the difference."

"Wait what kind of incriminating photos are you talking about?" Shego demanded. She looked toward Ron and noticed his eyes had glazed over and he was drooling again. "Damn it, Kim, now see what you've done? He's probably shooting a porno scene with you in his mind right now."

"I was thinking maybe a topless shot or two."

"No, they're mine… I mean, you're mine… I mean--"

Kim smiled, "You're jealous. I like that."

"Please Kim, think about what you're saying."

"I'm trying to keep you out of the pen, remember?"

"Well, they're no big--"

"SHEGO!"

"I'm sorry. I am jealous. But no touching! And I'm going to take the pictures to make sure nothing happens."

"Okay," Kim said to Shego. She turned to Ron, "This work with you?" Ron's vacant happy expression and drooling had not changed as the two women talked. Kim waved a hand in front of his face, "Earth to Ron, you there?"

When Kim's question failed to get a response Shego slapped him.

"Huh? Wha?" Ron sputtered.

"Did you hear any of that?" Shego demanded

"Any of what?"

Kim and Shego explained the plan, but Ron proved stubborn. "I'm not going to betray my girlfriend."

"Not even for a chance to see real tits?" Shego asked in disbelief.

"Well, they wouldn't be Kim's, they'd be Kim's."

Shego groaned in exasperation, "What difference would it make?"

"All the difference in the world. I'm a man of integrity."

"He is," Kim seconded.

"Men don't have integrity," Shego growled. "Okay, Stoppable, what can we offer you to get your cooperation?"

"No! I meant what I said. I won't help you… Could I touch them?"

"No!" Shego declared emphatically. Kim whispered in the pale woman's ear, but Shego responded with another, "No!"

Ron repeated his demands, feeling he had a position of power.

"Look, Ron," Shego explained to him, "Kim is mad at you for going out with Bonnie last night. You need a way to get back in her good graces."

Ron looked puzzled, "How would this help me?"

"Make her jealous," Shego suggested. "If she thinks Kim is after you, and Bonnie, she'll be too anxious to keep you to give you any trouble."

"I don't know… Are you sure I can't get a feel too?"

"No," Shego repeated. She could Ron was wavering, but wasn't sure if he'd accept the terms or not. "Okay, final offer," she announced. "I'll take the pictures topless."

"SHEGO!" Kim protested.

"Well, you're letting him see yours. What's the matter, are you jealous?"

"Maybe."

"Just maybe?"

"Okay, yes, I'm a little jealous."

"Just a little?"

"Why do you care?"

"Knowing you're jealous makes me hot."

"Really?"

"Really," Shego assured her.

"I am so jealous it hurts, I don't want anyone to see them but me, I want--"

Kim threw her arms around Shego, and the two began a wild make out session.

Ron stood to one side. Watching two beautiful women engaged in a hot session of tonsil hockey had its attractions, but the fact one looked like his girlfriend seriously diminished the joy.

"Uh, guys, we were talking about me, remember?" If they heard him they ignored him.

"You offered to flash me, remember?"

"Go away," Shego panted, breaking the kiss for even four seconds with obvious reluctance.

"You wanted to keep Kim from giving the pictures to her dad."

"He's right," Kim reminded Shego. "Dad gets very upset at the idea of me dating. We don't know what he might think if Kim showed him pictures of us kissing."

"Okay, Stoppable, get your camera. It's show time," Shego told me.

"I don't suppose I could keep copies of--"

"NO!" they told him together.

Fifteen minutes later Shego announced, "That's a wrap, people," and put her bra and sweatshirt back on.

"Man," Ron sighed, "I think I can die happy."

"Good, 'cause you know if we're wrong and she isn't jealous she's going to be mad."

"You want us to come with you?" Kim asked Shego before she left for her meeting with Kim.

"Better not, Princess. You need to keep Ron company. I'll meet you at Bueno Nacho."

Ron felt terrible about what he'd just done. He shouldn't have sold his girlfriend out without at least getting prints for himself.

Close to an hour later Shego met Ron and Kim at Bueno Nacho. "Well, good news and bad news," she told them.

"Good news first," Ron requested.

"Well, we swapped memory cards and we both swore to never blackmail the other side again. In fact, she claimed that she didn't really plan to show them to her dad anyway -- said she was going to respect our truce and just did it to throw a little scare in me."

"That's wonderful!" Kim exclaimed and exchanged a high-five with Shego.

"Why do I fear the bad news?" Ron asked. "Wasn't she jealous the way you promised?"

"I think she was jealous… But she didn't react the way I anticipated… Look, after you're gone can I have your bed? I figure with a new mattress it will be fine. And where do you want your ashes scattered?"

"Ashes scattered? Jews don't cremate."

"I don't know if she is giving you any choice. For that matter, I don't think she's happy with any of us at the moment. I tried to tell her it was her own fault for plotting against me, but I don't think she bought it. We need to stay together for safety. Want to spend the night with me, Kim?"

"You did this to me!" Ron complained. "You knew she'd be mad but you set up anyway for your own selfish gain!"

Shego patted him on the cheek. "That's why Kim loves you, cute -- but dumb."

Kim took pity on him. "Shego and I are going to the movies. Come with us. Can we buy you popcorn and a soda to help make it up to you?"

"That was a big disappointment."

Shego sighed, "How about if we grande-size the popcorn and soda?"

"With a refill?"

"Don't push it" Shego warned him. "Oh, and I told her you were at home so she headed there first. She's probably on her way here by now, so we'd better move."

Shego asked for a job application form when they bought tickets. As they watched the slasher film they realized they should have been more specific than asking for 'three tickets to the next show'. While some benefits exist to bringing a date to a scary movie Shego felt disappointed by the results, "Will you stop your whining," she whispered angrily.

"Can't help it," Ron whimpered as, on screen, another teenager was dismembered in bloody fashion. "I keep thinking about what Kim will do when she catches up to me."

"Don't worry, she'll never find us here," Kim, sitting on the other side of Shego, whispered.

"And why won't I?" Kim, seated directly behind Ron asked.

His scream was loud enough to get Ron ejected from the theatre -- and what it did to a man sitting two rows down, who had consumed a super-sized soda and was debating whether or not he should take a fast trip to the bathroom to empty his bladder, will not be mentioned -- although it did resolve his dilemma.

"How did you do that?" Shego whispered as the usher came down the aisle toward them.

"It's awfully hard for a woman wearing a GPS monitor to hide," Kim reminded them.

The usher left Kim and Shego in the theatre. Kim went out with Ron as the usher escorted him out.

"Are you still mad at me?" he asked nervously as they stood outside the theatre.

She nodded her head yes.

"Are you going to hurt me?"

She smiled and shook her head no. "Let's go to Bueno Nacho, we need to talk. I'm buying."

Ron shivered, feeling like a mouse staring at a trap baited with cheese. And, like the mouse, he found himself unable to resist the lure of the cheese. Maybe she'd let him eat before killing him.

He ate the first burrito fast, uncertain if he'd get a chance to eat the second. He ate the second more slowly, fearing his fate awaited him at the conclusion. At least the condemned would eat a hearty meal. He considered excusing himself and finding out if he could still slip through the bathroom window (an old trick which had saved him from the wrath of various bullies and once spared him from paying for his share of dinner), but instead he extended an olive branch. "What's wrong, KP?"

"This whole thing of two of me is starting to get to me. I know I'm the real Kim, but people treat her like she's the real one. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you should try being yourself."

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"I mean you aren't acting like yourself. It seems like you're really tense and irritable all the time."

"Well you sold me out. You were working with the enemy this morning."

"Kim isn't your enemy. You've been my best friend since forever. I'm not going to abandon you when you ask for a favor."

"Especially if you get to see my boobs."

"Well, yeah, that too. Seriously, Kim, I think we all think you two are both real. We don't know how it happened or why, but you're both Kim."

"I never loved Shego! She has to be fake."

"Deep breath, Kim, deep breath. Is this why you've been so over the top the last week? You want to prove to everyone you're real?"

She nodded.

"I think you end up scaring everyone," he told her. "Relax--"

"That's easy for you to say," she snapped, "no one is doubting you're you. No one tells you that you secretly thought Shego was kind of hot--"

"Well, she is--"

"You're not helping! And your boyfriend isn't dating Bonnie behind your back."

"I, uh, don't have a boyfriend."

"That's not the point. If you had a boyfriend… I'm being silly, aren't I?"

He nodded yes.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the booth. "I'm just worried about so many things. I'm worried about the end of the school year. I'm worried about losing my identity. Sometimes I wonder if one of us disappears is it going to be me or the other Kim? I'm worried about losing my boyfriend to Bonnie--"

"I don't think you need to worry about that," he smiled at her. "You kiss a lot better-- OWW! Why did you kick me?"

"For knowing the difference."

He stood up from his booth and extended his hand to her, "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to walk around the park while I tell you how beautiful you are. Then we're going to sit on a bench by the pond and let the ducks watch us kissing. And then you're going to promise me to ease up on Kim and Shego--"

"No way!"

"Please, Kim, you really need to try and get along with them."

"I'll try to get along better with Kim. I hate Shego."

"Okay, I'll settle for you promising to ease up on Kim."

"And then what happens?"

"We go to the mall and I try to win a stuffed frog for you from the giant claw machine. I really think I've figured out what I was doing wrong--"

"I have a better idea. Why don't we stay on the park bench and let the ducks continue to watch us?"

"I suppose, if I have--" She glared at him. "Just kidding KP. There is nothing I want more than to sit and hold you."

"And don't you forget it," she said as she took his hand and got ready to leave Bueno Nacho."


	13. We're off to Sue the Wizard

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**We're Off to Sue the Wizard**

As the school day ended on Monday Kims answered the call from Wade with equal speed. "We got to do something about this," he complained. "I keep getting a double image of you."

"Well, what do you expect?" they asked.

"Any way, I got a mission for you."

"I'll take it," they responded.

"Just a mission for one of you. And Kim, your dad says you're grounded."

"Which Kim?"

"We really have to do something about that too. The Kim who likes Shego is the one who is grounded."

"Lousy squealer," Kim muttered. "Hey, can you fix this up so we can call each other directly?"

"Let me see, hold on a minute."

Wade overestimated the time required, a mere eighteen seconds later he told Kim, "Go ahead, you can talk with Kim."

"Lousy squealer! How would you like it if I went sneaking around and reporting on you and Ron!"

"I didn't tell Dad! You blackmailed me out of it, remember? And don't you talk about me and Ron after that stunt you pulled with Ron—"

"What stunt?" Wade wanted to know.

"Never mind," they said. Kim continued. "Okay, Wade, what was the mission you have for me?"

"You're on your way to Oz."

"Oz?"

"Best hacker in Australia… Think about that, that's like most pleasant personality in Germany or best teeth in England… The point is he got lucky and cracked the security at the Middleton Research Center and got plans for a ton of technology. Your dad contacted me and I spiked his computer real fast, but there is a chance he got some of it off his computer first. He needs you to go down under and make sure nothing has been copied. Your ride is at the Research Center."

"Great, call Ron and we'll—"

"Not Ron."

"What do you mean?"

"Middleton Research provides the ride, and wants one of their security officers to go with you."

"He'd better not hold me back," Kim grumbled. "I'm on my way, Wade."

"I'll handle all the homework after I've seen Shego," Kim told Kim.

"Yeah, like there'll be any time left," Kim complained.

"Thanks for getting here so fast, Kimmie-cub," her Dad greeted her when she reached the Center, "ready to fly?"

"Yes, but why can't I go with Ron?"

"Well… First, since the theft was from the center we want one of our security personnel along. Second, you'll be riding the SOAP and we don't—"

"Riding soap?"

"Supra-orbital astro-plane. Seating on the prototype is limited to two, and with you and the security officer there isn't room for Ron. Also," he gave a disapproving cough, "your mom says that she watched Kim and Shego making out, and Kim said it wasn't anything you and Ron hadn't done. I don't want you going on any more missions alone with Ron."

"Dad! That is so unfair! Are you going to let Kim go on a mission alone with Shego?"

"Probably not. And we can discuss if I'm unfair when you get back, but we need you in Australia ASAP."

"I think there's a problem with your plan. You said the prototype SOAP only seats two. If I have to go with a security officer, are you expecting me to pilot?"

"No, we're fortunate. We just hired a new security officer who is also a qualified test pilot." He started to move towards an exit, "Hurry up."

Four minutes later Kim started her climb into the plane, "Pilot is already inside," her father called from the foot of the gangway.

"What's his name?" Kim asked as she stepped inside.

"You already know her," her Dad called as he helped the ground crew push the portable gangway from the SOAP.

_"Her, oh no!"_

"Afternoon, Pumpkin," Shego called, "or were the two of you bright enough to realize what your dad was doing and pull the old switcheroo on him?"

Kim looked out the hatch, the gangway was already too far away to make a jump for it, and it was a long drop to the ground.

"Close the hatch and strap yourself in," Shego commanded. "We take off in thirty seconds. Your choices are strapped in or splattered on the rear bulkhead."

It took Kim seventeen seconds to close the hatch, and four to get into her seat. Fastening her safety harness required eight seconds and one second later Shego ignited the thrusters and Kim experienced the greatest G-force to ever hit her.

When the stress eased enough to make speech possible Shego told her, "We're heading west, using the earth's rotation to speed the trip even more." Kim said nothing. Her complexion had assumed a brighter shade of green than Shego and her vital organs, which had been relocated into new and exciting locations inside her, had begun their cautious return to their original homes. They reached apogee and during the seven minutes of weightlessness Shego handed Kim a plastic lined paper bag. "You'll need this for reentry. "Whatever went down, comes up."

"Don't you mean whatever goes up must come down?"

"Trust me, Pumpkin, I mean what I say."

Four minutes later Kim realized that Shego's prediction had been in regard to lunch at the school cafeteria.

"Hooo! That was a rush," Shego laughed after landing in Australia. "It might be worth staying straight just to fly that thing. What do you think, Pumpkin? Can you stop kissing the ground and tell me what you thought of the ride?"

When the shakes stopped Kim put in a call to Wade. "We're mostly in Australia. My stomach may still be in orbit. What can you tell me—"

"Us," Shego interrupted.

"Like I need your help," Kim snapped.

"Just doin' my job, ma'am," Shego drawled.

Wade quickly checked their position. "Perfect, Shego. The Wizard—"

"The Wizard?" Kim interrupted.

"That's what he calls himself. Real name is Bruce, last name unknown, he used to teach Hegelian philosophy for the University of Woolamaloo. The U. went belly-up. Do you see a small building about a hundred and fifty yards north and a little east?"

"Yeah."

"The old field outpost research center for Woolamaloo's Environmental Science department. That's his headquarters. Try not to break any of his computer equipment, I can probably run a diagnostic and see if he sent anything anywhere if you leave things in large enough pieces."

Shego looked over Kim's shoulder and waved at the Kimmunicator, "Roger, Wade-Co, and out."

"Will you not talk into my Kimmunicator?" Kim snapped as Wade signed off.

"Oh, a little touchy, Pumpkin?" Shego asked as they headed towards the field station. "Do I need to tell daddy that you don't play nice with Research Center Security Guards?"

"Oh, right, you a security guard. Are they nuts?"

"Nope, who knows more about security than a thief? Besides your dad thinks he's in charge of keeping me honest--"

"What do you mean, he thinks he's in charge of that?"

"If I manage to stay straight…if I may use that expression under the circumstances. Kim deserves all the credit. I mean, if you'd been honest with me years ago we could have been--"

"I've been honest with you. I don't like you, I've never liked you."

"Not the way the real Kim tells it," Shego grinned, this was too fun and too easy. "She says she always admired my skill and wit, and the little wiggle in my--"

"Shut up, just shut up. I don't suppose the woman who knew where we were going had enough brains to pack some water bottles?"

Shego kept her mouth closed and reserved her strength for the hike to the outpost station. Both women expected some sort of defense as they approached the outpost through a herd of grazing kangaroos, but encountered nothing more dangerous than heat and black flies -- although the defensive capabilities of either should not be underestimated. "Whew," Shego panted, "s'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!"

"What?" Kim demanded.

"Old Australian saying. When in Rome, walk like an Egyptian."

Kim looked at her in disgust. One of her could love this woman?

They two peered in a window at the old environmental science and saw a man in bush togs hammering on a CPU with a can of Fosters.

"Odd or even," Shego whispered as they outside the door.

"Even," Kim responded. "You and 'Princess' are odd."

Shego gave her a look of disgust, she could love one of these?

Shego won, and her kick knocked the door off its hinges. She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and began reading, "Halt, as a duly authorized agent of the Middleton Research Center I am empowered to demand you cease and desist from… Oh, hell, this goes on forever. Kick him, Pumpkin."

Kim looked at her in disgust, "Why don't we try and make sure this is the right guy first? Violence shouldn't be your first thought."

"Why not," Shego demanded, "it's worked fine until now."

Kim ignored her and turned back to the man in bush togs. "Are you the Wizard?"

The man let out a loud whistle and yelled, "Eric!"

"Eric?" Kim asked.

"Me bodyguards," he explained.

"Bodyguards? All named Eric?"

"Well, makes it easier to give 'em all a call now, don' it?"

"You see anything?" Kim asked Shego.

The pale woman looked around. "Nobody. Just some 'roos headed this way."

"An that would be Eric," Bruce explained.

Seven or eight boomers hopped up to the shack, with some coming inside. They were in the room, the doorway, and under the overhang that defined a 'porch' by the shade beneath it."

"Ooh," Kim squealed, "they're so cute. I can't believe these are your bodyguards."

Shego, much more suspicious, voiced her opinion, "Those will make great last words your tombstone."

The green tinted woman made the mistake of watching their small front legs, forgetting the powerful back legs. She realized her error as she went out through a window, taking the frame with her. Shego picked herself up and looked in to see Kim still laughing at what happened to her. Green plasma began to glow around her hands."

"Don't be mean, they're just dumb animals," Kim scolded her.

"What makes you think they're what I'm going to blast?"

Just then a boomer's tail slammed Kim into a wall with a force sufficient to crack plaster.

"I'm rethinking my position on cruelty to animals," Kim announced as she rose.

"Good job, Eric," Bruce called. "Provide ah antithesis for the Sheilas' thesis."

"Her name is Shego, not Sheila."

"It's Oz-speak for chick," Shego told her. "Do I need to explain that we're supposed to make some snappy retort about synthesis?"

"Stop talking dirty."

"High school kid," Shego apologized to Bruce.

"'S'all right, Sorry about what the Erics about to do, nothing personal."

Fifteen minutes later Wade began a scan of the equipment, discovering the data had been partially backed up before his intervention, but nothing had been sent out.

Wade's scan took some time, but within a half hour of his finishing his work the Queensland police had located a constable sober enough to drive a Land Rover into the brush to arrest Bruce.

The SOAP's speed insured the return trip was as speedy and unsettling as the trip out. James Possible helped the ground crew roll out of the gangway. Both women appeared battered as they disembarked. "Was it a tough fight?" he asked when they were back on the ground.

"Bruce and Eric were nothing," Shego reported. "But an insane red head attacked me while we were waiting for the constable to arrive."

"Well she started it. She made fun of me for not understanding the difference between idealism and logical positivism."

James sighed, "Did you throw the first punch, Kim?" She looked down at the ground, but didn't answer. "Kim?" he asked again. She nodded her head yes. "That is no way to treat Kim's girlfriend."

"Want to kiss and make up," Shego asked cheerfully. Kim's hands balled into fists.

"Please, Shego," James intervened, "I want to hear about how you handled the SOAP."

"How about over dinner," Shego suggested, holding up a package she'd taken off the plane. "I brought the steaks."

James Possible phoned home and asked the grill be started, then the three piled into his car and headed home. Kim and Ron were waiting when Kim and Shego got there.

Kim threw her arms around Shego and gave her a kiss, "You were wonderful. I wish I could have been with you."

Shego gave Kim a smug grin. Kim looked expectantly over at Ron, who had failed to pick up on the example. Finally she punched him in the arm and he took the cue, throwing his arms around Kim and giving her a welcoming kiss, "You were wonderful. I wish I could have been with you."

James ignored their activity and took the steaks to throw on the barbie, "Kim, Shego, you might want to wash up a little before we eat."

Ron was the first to bite into a steak after James Possible took them off the grill. "This is good," he commented, "but it tastes a little different."

"Probably the different feed that the Australian cattle fatten on," Anne suggested.

"It's not actually beef, Mom."

"It certainly doesn't taste like mutton."

"It's kangaroo."


	14. Where Did the Typewriters Come From?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Where Did the Typewriters Come From?**

Things had remained quiet around the Possible home for a couple weeks. In retrospect it seemed too quiet. The Kims took greater care around Mr. Barkin, who accepted that only one attended classes. Bonnie had enough patriotic sense – or fear of being labeled an enemy combatant and shipped off secretly to Guantanamo that she kept her mouth shut. She had been mildly upset that Ron didn't kiss as well as expected, but had offered him another chance -- which he wisely declined. Alex had been too busy trying to get into Bonnie's skirt to pay attention to the dynamics of the revelation, except for the fact she believed Bonnie had revealed the crush while disguised as Kim. Kims had developed better note taking skills to let each other know who they had seen and what they said during the day. Then, the inevitable struck with terrifying consequences.

Kims sat sullenly at the breakfast table. Jim made the mistake of asking one of them to pass the milk and barely escaped with his life.

Their father came in, adjusting his tie, and only caught the tail end of the altercation. "What's wrong?" he whispered to his wife.

"Apparently it's that time of the month."

James Possible paled. Jim and Tim recognized the danger, and devised a retreat. "Mom, we have to go start our community serve sentence for putting the library into orbit."

They were out of the house before their mother realized they hadn't put the library into orbit. At least not yet. She made a mental note to question them about their plans that evening and also decided it would be worthwhile to mention it to their therapist.

She placed two plates of food on the table, but before she could slide them to her daughter the Kimmunicators beeped. "What do you want," Kims barked.

"Is this, er, a bad time to say I've got a location for Monkey Fist?"

"No, great timing. I need to punch somebody."

"Hey, it's my turn," one Kim growled at the other.

"You can stay home with Shego."

"Ah, if she stays home with Shego how will you get to wherever Monkey Fist is?" her father pointed out. "We completed construction of larger SOAP last week and she's been begging for a chance to test it out."

"NO FAIR! You'll let her go on a mission with Shego? You won't let me go on a mission with Ron."

"I was going to suggest, before you yelled at me, that you all go. Ask Ron and go along. It is a beautiful day. Why don't you leave now? We'll call Ron's and tell him and Shego to expect you."

As Kims headed for the garage Anne turned to her husband. "That is a dirty trick to pull on Ron and Shego."

"I know, but I'm a timid soul at heart. I'll throw them to the wolves to save my own skin."

"Well, if the two of them can survive this they really love our daughter."

Anne got on the phone, "… Hello, Rachel? This is Anne. Is Ron there? … Could I speak with him? … Thanks … Ron, listen, and listen carefully. Wade has a location for Monkey Fist-- … No, I don't know where, but we've given Kims permission to go with both you and Shego. … You're welcome, but listen carefully – this is important. You need to take chocolate with you. … Yes, chocolate. Dark if you have it. But this is imperative—"

"Tell them they don't have to hurry back," James whispered in her ear.

"Sorry, Ronald. James was asking me something. Now—"

Her husband took the phone from her hand, "I was saying it is a beautiful day. If the four of you want to go somewhere for supper after the mission you have my permission. … No, take your time. You two can keep them out as late as you want. … Goodbye Ronald."

His wife glared at him, "I am ashamed of you for pulling a stunt like that."

"It's not too late. I can call and say one Kim needs to stay home with us."

Anne thought for minute. "I can live with being ashamed of you."

Ron didn't understand the directions to bring chocolate, but went to his secret stash and found it empty. "Rufus, have you been getting into my chocolate?" The naked mole rat tried to look innocent.

"What's that about chocolate?" Shego asked, overhearing the accusation.

"Kim's mom said to bring some. She didn't say why. Her dad got on the line and said we could keep them out as long as we wanted tonight. Where do you think we should take them?"

"Chocolate, that's what her mom said?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm going to Drakkenize this and spare your ears. OH SNAP! Is there anyplace close to buy chocolate? The Kims are in PMS mode and it's not going to be pretty."

Ron's face blanched, "I can't go on the mission."

"Why not?"

"I'm about to hurt myself falling down the stairs."

Shego caught him before he could leave the room and restrained him from taking the coward's way out. "I'm not facing them alone," she swore. As the two rode out to the Research Center their worst fears were confirmed. Even the chance to test the larger spacecraft turned to ashes in Shego's mouth under the circumstances.

As the four walked out to the ship Shego whispered to Ron, "Get into the pilot's cabin with me. The security door should be strong enough to keep them out."

"Thanks."

Within minutes Shego set the craft down at the coordinates Wade provided. The vertical take off and landing capabilities allowed her to land in a tiny space close to the ancient ruins Monkey Fist used for his headquarters.

"Go out with Kims," Shego told Ron.

"You're coming, aren't you?" he asked nervously.

"Of course, but I have to secure the SOAP so it's safe to leave."

She pressed a button on the dash, and the hatch in the rear compartment opened. She got on the intercom, "On behalf of the cabin crew and my co-pilot I would like to thank you for flying Air Shego. Please use caution in opening the overhead bins. The contents, like your breakfast, may have shifted during the flight. We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."

Shego waited two minutes for Kims to leave the craft, "Okay, Ron, out you go."

"You're going to come with me?"

"I told you I would. Now, go in with them. You aren't allowed to see the security measures."

He had barely cleared the blast perimeter when she hit the ignition button. She hated lying to him, but the instinct for self-preservation burned strongly within. Ron cursed her under his breath and hurried as slowly as possible to catch up with Kims. At the moment the both appeared so disgruntled with him, and Shego, the jungle flies, Rufus, and a small spot of some substance that was almost, but not entirely, unlike mustard on his ear that he couldn't tell which was which.

They let their eyes adjust to the darkness of the ruins for a few minutes.

"I see light up ahead," Kim whispered.

"Let's go," Kim replied.

"Got your backs, KP," Ron promised, bringing up the rear. He didn't plan to turn his own back on either Kim this day.

Nothing could have prepared the trio for the sight that greeted them. Monkey Fist had created some sort of monkey sweatshop with two dozen of the creatures laboring to put together Tickle Me Elmo™ dolls. The cavernous space was lit by electrical lights powered from a portable generator which hummed in the background.

"What in the name of PETA are you doing?" a Kim exclaimed.

Monkey Fist, busy checking the 'made in the usa' labels before shipping the order off to Smarty Mart, jerked around at the sound of her voice. His jaw dropped. "Kims Possible?"

"Actually I think it's Kim Possibles, and I'm here too."

"Ah yes, Ron Stoppable, my greatest and implacable foe."

"Implacable? Is he saying something about my dental hygiene?"

"No, Ron." Kim turned back to the Englishman, "What are you doing?"

"Well, I've been a little strapped for cash since you stopped my last six attempts at world conquest. So when Jack Hench offered to sell me… Never mind, monkey ninjas! ATTACK!"

The two dozen gratefully left their assembly line and rushed the three intruders while Monkey Fist turned and fled down a corridor.

"Follow Monte," Ron shouted at Kims, "I'll handle the ninjas."

A Kim took off in pursuit, but the other hesitated. "Are you sure Ron? There are a lot of them."

"I'm fine, Kim," he said, knowing this one was his girlfriend, "Please, if you trust me, let me do this. I know I can handle it."

"Well," she agreed reluctantly, "only because I love you." Kim took off in the direction of Kim and Monkey Fist.

"Thanks KP," he shouted before being buried under twenty-four hairy little bodies.

Ron hummed a happy little tune to himself as Rufus climbed from his pocket and the two fought for their lives. The only modicum of regret he would have felt, if he knew what modicum meant, was for Monte. It seemed a dirty trick to leave his greatest foe to _les belles dames sans merci._ (It was one of the few phrases he remembered from Spanish class. The pity, of course, being that it was French.)

Monte experienced a moment of doubt when he noticed Ron hadn't followed him. He had prepared for the blonde youth. Because Ron wielded the Mystical Monkey Power he represented a genuine threat. These girls were hardly worth the effort he had made to set traps in the corridor in preparation for the fight he knew would come. Monkey Fist realized with a shock, however, that he was fast running out of corridor and the Kims had thus far survived the pit of death, poison arrows of destruction, rolling boulder of doom, blades of disaster, spear of destiny, and pendulum of distress. While one of them had failed to avoid the hangnail of discontent it didn't appear to have slowed her down in the least.

At the end of the corridor he turned to face them. They were too far from Ron for the blonde youth to help them.

"I have you now," he gloated. "Since I possess the Mystical Monkey Force to call upon I shall utterly crush you, breaking Mr. Stoppable's spirit before I confront him.

"Shut up, Monte, just shut up."

Monkey Fist realized with a start that Kim was arguing with herself rather than preparing to fight him. He listened and realized their argument dealt with which of them would go first. He waited, smugly confident in his own abilities. His confidence began to erode, however, as he listened to their discussion. Apparently neither thought there would be much left for the second Kim.

Shego set the airship back down in the clearing she abandoned about an hour earlier. She pressed the lock icon on her key ring and the headlights flashed and the horn sounded. She radioed her location and last will and testament to Middleton Research and reluctantly headed for the ancient temple.

She also paused in the opening to let her eyes adjust from the dazzling light of the jungle to the darkness of the ruins. A variety of fears assailed her as she pushed into the darkness, but her wildest imagination had not prepared her for the sight that greeted her as she rounded a bend in the tunnel and entered the huge room. Ron, his clothing torn and his face scratched from his fight with the monkey ninjas stood in the center of the large space. On the floor sat some two dozen monkey ninjas in front of typewriters - pecking away at the keys.

"TRAITOR!" he yelled at her.

"I tried to save both our lives."

"By running out on me?"

She showed him the sack in her hand, "I flew into town and bought chocolate. Now tell me what in the hell is going on here with the monkeys."

"Well, they say an infinite number of monkeys would eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. I'm just wondering what two dozen can do while I wait for Kim."

The green woman smiled. "Anything interesting so far?"

"Nah, but three of them have already written a silly script titled 'Grande-Size Me' where I stuff my face at Bueno Nacho until I get fat and then turn into a monster."

"I thought monkeys were supposed to be intelligent."

"Tell me about it," Ron groaned.

"Have you heard from Kims?"

"Not since they chased Monkey Fist down that passage."

"How long has that been?"

"About forty-five minutes or so."

"And neither one has come back to say they're okay?"

"Well, no."

"Ron! He could have had some trap and captured them."

"You go look then, I'll stay here and watch the monkeys. My therapist says it's good for me to hang out with monkeys."

_"I wouldn't touch that line with a ten foot Litvak,"_ Shego thought. She took him firmly by the arm, "No way. We're going to check on them together."

A small pink head popped out of Ron's pocket, "An mee?"

Ron patted Rufus on the head, "Hide little buddy, hide." The mole rat disappeared back in the pocket. As they turned toward the tunnel Ron complained, "You deserted me! You left me with angry Kims!"

Shego reached into a sack and pulled out two large, dark chocolate Cadbury bars and handed one to him. "Don't even think about eating it yourself."

"Is this all you bought?"

"No, I've got a few more… Ron. I'm saving one for myself, I'm starting to feel a little crampy. If the madness overcomes me and I kill you, I want you to know it's nothing personal."

"Hold two back for yourself."

The two found Monkey Fist, laying flat on the floor and holding his arms crossed behind his back. Kims stood on either side, taunting him, "Get up and fight like a man," one snarled.

"Where's that Mystical Monkey Power you were bragging about?"

"Coward!"

"Afraid to fight a girl?"

There was a look of relief and gratitude in the Englishman's eyes when he saw Ron and Shego approach, "I surrender. Please, take me to the nearest prison."

The initial dose of chocolate calmed Kims down enough for them to leave Monkey Fist in custody.

They left the Research Center in Middleton and got into a Possible car. On the drive Ron mentioned, "Your dad said we could keep you out as late as you wanted. I'm guessing that doesn't sound good to you just now."

"Got that right," one murmered as she rationed out the last few squares of her second chocolate bar.

"Ron, we're going to bed early. Maybe you can take in a movie with Shego." Kim felt extraordinarily generous in making the offer, the result of a euphoria brought on by the chocolate.

They had reached the Possible home and pulled into the driveway when Kim made her offer. "I don't think so," Shego said -- holding up a half-eaten Cadbury bar.

Ron hesitated only a moment, not nearly long enough for rational thought, before asking, "Well, would you mind if I gave Bonnie a call?"

Shego borrowed an old wagon from the Possibles' garage to take Ron's remains back to his parents.


	15. She's Back

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**She's Back**

Kim materialized for a second time in Warmonga's ship, although not having been there before it took her a minute to recognize her surroundings. The scale of the ship suggested the most likely location and she tried to remember what Kim had told her of the fight more than a month earlier.

As expected, a hatch slid open and Warmonga strode into the room.

"Why am I here?" Kim asked. "You defeated me and said earth was not worth bothering about."

"Yes, but I forgot there were two of you who managed to defeat me on my first trip. I came back to defeat the second one, the one named Hergo."

"Shego."

"Whatever. Do you know where I may find her?"

Kim decided to cooperate with the huge alien, hoping it would give her a chance to keep the fight on a non-lethal level. "Yes. She lives with a friend of mine named Ron Stoppable. Is there any chance the two of you can settle this with a game of rocks-paper-scissors?"

"Bah, a children's game," Warmonga declared, "I went easy on you in our last battle."

_"Talk about spin control. She needs to get a job working for the president."_ Kim still hoped she might be able to keep the violence level down and told the alien how to find Ron's house. A few minutes later they materialized in front of the Stoppable home.

Warmonga, too tall to stand upright on the porch, stayed on the front walk as Kim rang the doorbell. Kim thought frantically as she rang the doorbell, she needed some way to buy time for Shego to figure out a plan.

Ron answered the door, "Hey KP, Come-- Who is that? Is she the big dumb alien you were talking about?"

_"Thank you, Mr. Subtle."_ "No, Ron, this is Warmonga. The big smart alien I told you about." Kim winked at Ron, "She's here to fight a duel to the death with Shego. Is Shego home?" Kim winked again. _"He'll say Shego is gone, then warn her about what is happening."_

"You need to do something about that twitch in your eye," Ron told her. He called over his shoulder, "Hey, Shego. Someone here to kill you."

"Okay, what's going on in what passes for your girlfriend's brain this time?" Shego grumbled as she came to the door. "Oh, hell!" she exclaimed as she looked out past Ron. "Not her again."

"You!" Warmonga bellowed. "I have come to smash your bones and let your blood soak into the dirt of your home world."

_"Geez, I'd like to have the Valium concession for her planet."_ "What's your problem," Shego asked, walking outside to confront her foe.

"I need to defeat you to regain my honor."

"Weren't you just through that with Red here? What are you doing back so soon?"

"Well, I couldn't leave as fast as I anticipated. I had to fix a problem with the transporter. I had just started home--"

"Home," Ron had wandered out and sat on the front step, "where's that?"

Warmonga pointed up, "Second star on the right and straight on till morning. I'd gone as far as the seventh planet in your system--"

"Seventh planet?"

"Don't go there, Ron," Shego warned him, "we're trying to keep the PG rating."

The giantess continued, "Then I remembered that it had taken two of you puny creatures to defeat me so I came back to crush you."

"Look, I'm really not dressed for getting crushed right now. Can I pencil you in for tomorrow?"

"Pencil in?"

"If I'm not too busy."

"I suppose… How does tenish sound?"

"Too early. Late afternoon?"

"Sorry, checking dilithium crystals in the evening. How about early afternoon?"

"Fine. And since you challenged me and picked the time I'll pick location. Give me a number and I'll have Ron call you."

"What is a Ron?"

"This is," Shego said, pointing to Ron.

Warmonga stared. "I'm still not certain I know what a Ron is."

"I'm a man," he replied.

Warmonga snickered, "I doubt it. I've seen men, and while they are the weaker sex there are limits. Are you the slave of the one called Kim or the one called Shego?"

"I, uh, go with Kim."

The alien looked him over. "Open your mouth," she commanded and she stared at Ron's teeth. "She could do better. I assume her other males are superior."

"Other males?" Ron asked.

"Surely a fighter as great as she would not have to settle for just you."

Shego stood to the side, laughing at Warmonga's appraisal.

"I'll have you know I have many talents," Ron insisted. "They're, uh, hidden."

"They're really hidden well. I don't think anyone has a chance of finding them," Shego scoffed.

"Hey, I'm a great cook!"

"Ah," Warmonga smiled, "a fitting job for the weaker sex. I assume you do child care and windows also."

"I don't do windows."

"A pity," she turned to Kim, "I'd have offered you good money for him if he did windows."

"I'm not for sale," Ron told her haughtily.

"How much money are you talking?" Kim asked. "I mean, I'm just curious."

"No, not interested," the alien insisted. "Just looking. I really have all the males I need. It is so hard to find one who can do windows."

"I know," Shego sighed. "Still, he is in excellent shape with low mileage. You want to take him for a test drive?"

The tall woman stepped back and looked Ron over, "Well, I was really in the market for a full-size rather than a compact model, but I suppose—"

"NO!" Kim told her. "He is not on the market."

"We're just talking test drive here, Kim," Ron reminded her. "What could it hurt?"

Kim stared very hard at Ron, her eyes reminding him eloquently exactly what the other Kim could hurt and how much. She presented him with an impressive list of damages. "I love Kim more than anything else in the world, more than life itself," Ron told the alien. "I do not want to belong to anyone else."

Kim smiled and nodded at him, and he drew a sigh of relief.

They met the next afternoon at the football field. Shego wanted a lot of running room, Kim having neglected to remind her of just how fast Warmonga could be.

Wade actually came out of his room to sit on the bleachers by Ron. "I should have brought my webcam along," Wade mused. "There are some guys with serious fetishes for giant woman who would have loved to see this."

Warmonga still didn't realize there were two Kims. 'Princess' in a blonde wig and dark glasses gave Shego a quick back massage as the pale woman drank Gatorade and prepared with some stretching exercises before the gun sounded.

'Pumpkin' wore a black and white striped referee's shirt, with a whistle on a lanyard hanging around her neck. She consulted with both competitors before the match.

"Why are all the spectators on her side?" Warmonga grumbled, looked at the handful of Stoppables and Possibles sitting around Wade and Ron. Most were waving green and black Shego pennants. Even baby Hana had a small pennant, and Rufus energetically waved an even smaller one.

"She is home team," Kim reminded her. "Visitors can't expect much of a cheering section." Kim noticed the aliens power staff partially hidden by a couple towels. "I thought we agreed the match would be without weapons. It's not a fair fight if you are armed."

"Why does it need to be fair?" Warmonga inquired. "I'm trying to win."

"Well, if all you want to do is win, why bother to even come down to the planet and fight?" Kim pointed out. "Couldn't you have just stayed on your space ship and blasted her to atoms from there?"

Warmonga's mouth dropped open. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Thanks loads, Kim," Shego grumbled.

Kim looked disgusted. "You haven't beaten her if you just zap her from space. It says you are a coward who must rely on weapons because you feel too weak to break her in half with your bare hands."

"Yes, you are right," the alien concurred. "That would be much more satisfying than my victory over you."

"I hope I survive this," Shego hissed at Kim, "I really want to thank you properly."

"I took her," Kim whispered. "If you can't you're even weaker than I think."

Shego snorted, "If you could handle her I'll take her apart." She turned to the huge woman, "Bring it on, I'm ready."

Kim blew her whistle.

Shego launched a flying drop kick at the giant's middle, and discovered the same lesson Kim had learned the hard way. Warmonga was not only big and strong, but fast too. She caught the smaller woman's foot with one hand and tossed her into a wall at the side of the field. The smaller green woman hit with a crunch that even made Kim wince, but rose to her feet, a little shaky, but with her hands starting to glow green.

Warmonga did not have Kim's experience in dodging plasma bursts, and Kim could not remember Shego ever hurling one that size at her. Kim and Ron imagined they felt the earth shake as the large woman hit the ground.

Warmonga arose, wiping a trickle of blood from her lip, "I thought we weren't using weapons."

"It's not a weapon," Kim explained. "Part of her natural ability."

"Feels like cheating to me," the huge woman grumbled.

"Says the woman who is bigger, stronger, and faster than we are," Shego taunted. "For a woman your size you're really a whiner. I bet you cry like a man when I whip you."

The last insult was too much for Warmonga, and correspondingly, almost too much for Shego. The huge woman attacked in a blind fury and Shego dodged and ran with a skill that drew Ron's envy.

Even while running Shego managed to hurl more plasma blasts at the larger woman, whose size made her difficult to miss.

By the time the alien went down Shego could hardly stand. "Kill me," Warmonga panted. "Slay me or I shall return to battle you until I can slay you."

"Okay," said Shego, an extensive display of plasma crackling around her fists, "if you say so."

"NO!" Kim yelled.

"She asked for it," the pale woman pointed out.

"You're missing the point," Kim shouted

"Seems to me I know exactly what the point is. It's her idea. She suggested it. Didn't you say that she regarded it as an insult to be left alive after a defeat, that she would vow to keep coming back?"

The giantess nodded her head yes.

"See Kim, I'm only playing by her rules."

"Well this is my planet, so you're playing by my rules!"

"Geez," Shego whispered to Warmonga, "her head is even bigger than yours. Now this is her planet."

"Allow her a rematch," Kim told Shego.

The panting Shego looked around and found Ron in the bleachers. "Ron, your girlfriend thinks I need to give her another shot at me. Think of something that never ends in death."

"Shego!" Wade called as she looked in their direction.

"What?"

"You need to find out if your victory means you can demand something from her."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, she's not my type."

"I just meant ask for the transporter. Maybe I can fix the Kim problem."

Shego looked at the huge woman, who shrugged, "I guess I could use the auxiliary transporter. It's dangerous to fly around with just one on board though."

"Good, maybe you'll go home and we won't have to see you again. And now, let's see what Ron has in store for the rematch. Stoppable, what will this cow and I be doing?"

"Uh, Jello™ wrestling."

"What sort of creature is this Jello," Warmonga asked. "Is the contest for which of us can defeat the larger Jello, or faster time? or which of us defeats the greater number?"

An ominous hush fell over the crowd as they contemplated who would need to explain Jello™ wrestling to the huge alien.


	16. No Held Bras Wrestling

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible TV series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**No Held Bras Wrestling**

Warmonga used the secondary transporter to send her primary transporter down to Middleton research, where it went directly into the highest security lab for safekeeping. All the Possibles, Ron, Shego, and Wade watched as Warmonga checked it over. The lab allowed Wade access for studying the device, and Warmonga explained the basic settings and supplied him with a copy of the manual.

"Why were you so interested in the technology," she asked the young black man.

"Well, last time you were here there was some sort of accident when you transported Kim on board your ship and now there are two of her. I think you split her in two."

"Oh, good. I thought my eyes were going bad and I was seeing double… But you know, instead of splitting her, it might have brought over a Kim from a parallel universe."

"Parallel universe?" Anne Possible asked.

"Infinity is filled with them," James assured her. "They are absurdly the same while oddly different. I remember in one Spock had a beard--"

"He's off on Star Trek again," Shego whispered to Kim,

"'fraid so."

"Does that happen very often?" Wade asked Warmonga.

"Oh, once or twice every krurg, I imagine," the alien explained.

Kim stared at Kim, "So, how can we know if we split, or she came here from another dimension?"

"Good question," her dad answered. "There is really no way to tell, unless she suddenly says something like, 'Isn't Simon Cowell just the sweetest thing'."

"What do you say?" Ron asked Kim, "Have you noticed anything different about the world since Warmonga brought you on her ship?"

She hesitated, "Well, you're a lot more faithful."

"What do you mean?"

"You were dating every girl in Middleton High, sometimes three or four a night. I remember catching you once in an orgy with all the other cheerleaders--"

Ron fell on his knees before Wade and threw his arms around the young man's legs, "Please, Wade," he sobbed, "send me back there with her."

"I was kidding," Kim remarked dryly.

"Heh, heh, I knew that," Ron said as he stood up.

Wade spoke up, "Can I arrange a venue for the rematch? Warmonga is way too big for the way Jello matches are usually held."

"How would you know that?" Kim asked.

"I, er, read a lot."

"Well, you obviously know more about it than I do. Go ahead."

Kim, meanwhile, had quietly pulled Ron aside. "Why did you say Jello™ wrestling?"

"I don't know. You just said something about some competition with Warmonga and Shego and it was just the first thing that popped into my mind."

"We will so talk about that later," she promised him.

With the transporter ensconced in the lab Warmonga used the auxiliary transporter to beam herself back to her ship.

Shego turned to Kim, "Want to go sit in the balcony at the Orpheum? The new Harry Potter movie is out."

"I thought you said you didn't want to watch that one."

"Exactly," Shego winked.

"I won't be home for dinner," Kim warned her mom, "we may sit through it twice."

"How about us?" Kim asked Ron.

"Sorry, KP, I was trying to figure out what ensconce means. Yeah, how about--"

"Actually," Wade coughed discretely, "I'd like Ron to stay and talk with me for a couple minutes."

"Wait, you want Ron to stay and look at the transporter with you?" James Possible asked; his feelings obviously hurt that he had not been asked.

"Sorry, Dr. Possible, but I have some questions I think Ron can help me better with."

"Will you be long?" Kim demanded.

"Not too long. Why don't you go home with your folks and Ron will go over to your place."

"I have a little paperwork in my office," Dr. Possible suggested. "Shouldn't take more than a half hour. That way I'm around if you want to talk with me about the transporter."

"Okay, but these are questions I need to ask Ron alone."

The Possible family left for Jame's office and Ron turned to Wade and raised one eyebrow.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking," the young genius asked.

"I think so Brain, but where will we find panty hose big enough for a hippopotamus?"

"I apologize, Ron. I thought you had an idea."

"That's okay, Kim makes the same mistake all the time."

"Seriously, Ron, you really weren't thinking we could make a ton of money selling subscription webcasts of Shego and Warmonga in a Jello™ wrestling match?"

"Uh, yeah. That's right. That was what I was thinking."

"You're a genius, seriously."

"Uh, thanks."

"Great. I'll have you help set the cameras up for the match. Catch you later, I want to figure out how this transporter works."

Warmonga expressed outrage upon learning what Jello™ wrestling meant. Ron spent the next couple days living in his basement while the alien looked for him. In the evening he came out to help Wade process credit card orders for those who wanted pay-per-view.

The two arranged to rent a pool at the YMCA used by children, so the depth was a uniform two feet. A sign went up on the door, "Kiddie pool closed on Saturday for private party." Wade designed a system to pump the water through a barrel of cherry Jello mix, cool it, and pump it back into the pool.

The two guys started the process after the Y closed the pool on Friday evening. Ron arrived at the Y early on Saturday morning to test the cameras. The arrival of Shego and Warmonga kept him from retreating back to his home. The alien had demanded that all males be barred from watching the spectacle. Kims had been surprised by how easily Wade agreed to the condition. Ron had also picked out the outfits for the combatants, and had the misfortune to be seen by Shego.

"Who picked out these costumes?" Shego demanded.

"Uh, I thought it was important to show that you weren't hiding any weapons," Ron explained.

"Well, there's sure as hell nowhere I could be hiding anything in this," Shego grumbled.

He almost had Shego calmed down when Warmonga's roar shook the plaster, "Who asks Warmonga to wear this obscenity?"

Shego smiled at Ron, "Go ahead, Tiger. She wants you to explain the outfit."

Ron paled. "I'll be hiding in the little coward's room. Wade can explain."

"Why would Wade want to face the wrath of an angry giant?"

"Half the profits," Ron shouted over his shoulder as he looked for a small space in which to hide.

Kims, her mother, and Ron's mom were the only spectators. Kim again served as referee.

The two women stood facing each other in the cherry Jello as Kim explained the rules and Wade began live feed. He hoped Shego didn't lose too quickly, it would mean unhappy customers and less chance for DVD sales. Wade didn't need to worry.

Unfortuntely Shego couldn't run as fast in the Jello. Fortunately Warmonga couldn't run as quickly either. Unfortunately, because of the respective differences in height the Jello did not hinder the alien as much as it did Shego.

Warmonga, however, felt vaguely ill. She had never experienced the symptoms before and didn't know what it was, but resolved to end the fight as quickly as she could. But the longer the fight progressed the worse she felt.

Shego evaded Warmonga's attacks with an ease she found surprising, and more of her attacks hit the huge alien than she expected.

Kim had to call periodic time-outs when attacks had left one or the other of the competitors partially out of uniform. "I'm glad Ron isn't here to see this," the redhead thought as Ron watched the monitors and zoomed in for close-ups during the time-outs.

Shego began the fight with a distinct dread that Warmonga would forget it was intended to be non-lethal. She had even considered taking a dive to keep from getting hurt. As the contest continued, however, she began to grow more confident.

Warmonga seemed much less effective today than in the earlier fight. Shego couldn't understand the huge woman's problem, but felt no reason to complain. Even without her plasma bursts, which had won the first battle for her, Shego seemed to inflict more damage than she took.

The competitive nature of the smaller of the green women kicked in. Maybe she could win this fight. Maybe she could take this monster down even without her plasma.

Warmonga's vision had started to blur slightly. Her insides felt like they were shaking like this odd gelatinous mixture she fought in. She had to end this, and fast, if she had any hope of winning.

Shego didn't want to lose, it wasn't in her nature. She felt the flush of victory and taking the bit in her teeth knew she could crush Warmonga. With any luck the alien would be in no condition to even think about demanding a rematch.

Warmonga, even greener than usual, barely stood on her feet as Shego moved in closer to administer the coup de grace. The Jello hampered her movements, but the smaller woman launched a very satisfying flying drop kick at her enemy's stomach.

That was the last memory in Shego's mind when she woke up in the hospital hours later. "What happened?" she groaned.

"I beat you," came Warmonga's shout of victory.

Shego looked to the other side of the hospital room, where four beds had been pushed together and the large alien lay, now covered with large blue blotches.

Kim had been seated on a chair by Shego's bed and came to her side when she realized Shego was conscious. Kim gave her a kiss. "Are you all right?"

"That's a stupid question to ask someone who just woke up in the hospital. You tell me, how am I?"

"You might have a concussion. Your left arm is sprained pretty badly."

Shego looked down and noticed the arm was taped and in a sling. "What happened?"

"It turns out Warmonga is deathly allergic to the red dye forty used in the Jello. When you kicked her at the end she fell on top of you."

"And I beat you!" Warmonga shouted again.

"Am I stuck here in the hospital room with the freak?" Shego whispered.

"You can leave this evening if you feel like it. How does your head feel?"

"Not great. I think two aspirin every four hours, and six kisses on the hour will probably help."

Kim administered the first dose of medication.

With Warmonga confined to bed Ron joined Wade, Kim, and the Possibles in coming to visit Shego in the hospital that afternoon.

During the visit Shego turned to Wade and demanded, "Are you going to make good on your boast?"

"My boast?"

"Yeah, you promised that you could figure out the transporter technology in no time and be able to get us down to one Kim. Have you figured it out or not?"

"Oh, that," Wade yawned. "Piece of cake. I figured it out in a day and a half. I got so caught up in the Jello thing I forgot all about the transporter. If both Kims will come by the Research Center Monday after school I'll fix everything."

Shego looked at Kim, standing by the side of her bed and looking nervous. She looked over at Ron and Kim, holding hands tightly and looking nervous, Shego had no mirror handy to tell her out she looked, but the butterflies attempting a synchronized flying routine in her stomach suggested she shared their feelings. "Great news," she told Wade in a voice utterly lacking in sincerity, "it will be wonderful to have things back to normal."


	17. Short Fuse

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

And if you don't like this chapter... The alternative was a transporter malfunction leaving four Kims.

**Short Fuse**

Shego left the hospital Saturday evening. When she got over to the Possible's house Kim and Ron had already left for the movies. Shego took Kim out to eat, but attempts as conversation died during dinner. Neither felt hungry and they left most of their food on the plates before going out to walk in the park. They found a bench and sat, but conversation still eluded them. Kim spent much of the evening silently holding Shego, as if unwilling to let her go.

At the theater Ron and Kim discovered they had no interest in watching the movie, but sat through it anyway. "Want to go by Bueno Nacho?" she asked as they left the theater.

"Nah, I'm not hungry. Can we just hold hands and walk in the park?"

The two walked past Kim and Shego without even realizing they were there, too engrossed with each other to notice anything else. Kim and Shego remained equally unaware of the pair passing by.

Ron and Kim found another bench overlooking the pond and watched the moonlight sparkle on the ripples.

"Too bad the ducks are all asleep," Ron said softly, "we could give them another show."

"Not tonight Ron. Tonight I just want you to hold me and tell me that you love me."

"I think I can manage that."

Kims got home late, and while their mom and dad had waited up for them there was no scolding. They kissed their daughter good-night and sent them up to bed.

Ron made it home before Shego, who stopped for a drink. Or several drinks. She stopped counting after three.

Shego slept until almost noon on Sunday. It might be her last day to see Kim. Her nerve failed, she couldn't bear going over to possibly say goodbye. She spent most of the day reading the Sunday Times and playing with Hana. Ron must have experienced many of the same feelings, he didn't leave to see Kim. Finally Shego expressed her fears, "What are we going to do when we're down to one Kim? Does one go back to her own dimension? Does one just disappear? Do they combine and only one dominate? Or will they combine and she'll continue to love both of us?"

It took Ron a minute to access that fantasy, _"Kim and Shego were on the bed, in lingerie, as he watched them kissing. They turned to him with hungry eyes, 'Please, Ron, we need you to--"_

"Stop drooling! You have Kim and me together in bed with you in your mind again, don't you?"

He nodded his head yes.

"And, let me guess, we are both shivering in anticipation of your virility, right?"

He nodded again.

She put her good right hand on his shoulder and spoke to him gently, "Ron, you need to realize this; you're becoming a brother to me."

"So what I'm thinking would be, like, incest?"

"No, what you need to remember is I hate my brothers. I really hate my brothers." She gave him an evil smile. "If one of my brothers watches me in bed with Kim the Hero Times will have a classified, 'Replacement team member needed. Apply Go Tower'."

"Not thinking of you. Not thinking of you at all."

"Good, 'cause we need to be thinking about Kim. What are we going to do? You want to risk losing your Kim?"

"No."

"Excellent, I sure don't want to risk losing mine either."

"Yeah, but Wade says he's got the problem figured out. He's a genius. We'll be down to one Kim by this time tomorrow."

"Not if the transporter develops health problems."

"Health problems?" Ron asked. "Machines don't catch colds."

"Put a stick or two of dynamite inside it and it won't feel good."

Ron thought for a minute. "Good luck."

"Good luck? You're going in with me."

"I'm going with you?"

She pointed at her left arm, still in a sling, "I've still got a bum wing, remember? Besides, you're as interested in keeping your Kim as I am in mine. Get out your black ninja outfit. We leave in fifteen minutes."

"You, uh, need any help getting dressed?"

"Like a brother," she reminded him.

The cover on the large vent used to evacuate dangerous fumes was unscrewed from the inside and two shadowy figures dropped into the dark lab.

They located the transporter and went to work.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

"I'm positive," Kim answered. "I thought we agreed on this."

"We did," Kim said. "Neither of us wants to risk disappearing and I don't know what merging ourselves would mean."

"Well I sure don't want to be a part of you."

"You need therapy, you've got to learn to love yourself."

"Shhh," I think I hear noises.

Kim quickly put the plastic explosives and timer into the transporter, then the two of her vanished back up the vent.

A key unlocked the door. The two who stepped in did not turn on the light switch. A pencil thin beam from his flashlight picked out the transporter, "There it is."

She moved over and looked at the device, "You are with me in this, right?"

"I guess… Is there another way?"

"No," Anne told her husband. "We always wanted another daughter. And this way we don't have to go through all the childhood tantrums again."

"But she'll both be starting college in the fall!"

"I haven't decided if that will be a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe one of her will stay in town. I think the question should be what you know about the bomb you confiscated from Jim and Tim. Is it safe?"

"If it was safe it wouldn't be a bomb," her husband reminded her. "Let's arm it and get out of here."

Five minutes after they left electrical circuitry unlocked the loading bay door and it slid up to allow a stout young African-American to slip in. He'd disabled the security cameras and other devices. He was a failure. The technology was too alien, and the instruction apparently written by the same Chinese man who had written the helpful directions "Do not the head in light put socket and switch through," on a coffee machine. He had the schematics. Maybe he could figure out how to operate this someday and build his own, but he didn't want to admit failure tomorrow. The small vial of nitroglycerine would do just enough damage to the inside of the machine that no one could blame him if he failed to combine the Kims. He opened the back of the transporter and put his little bundle of destruction in the machine before leaving.

"Why did we have to break into those construction sites?" Ron demanded as Shego used her security key to unlock the door.

"Doh! You didn't have any dynamite in your garage. The last construction site did. Doesn't your dad realize a few sticks are good to have on hand for clearing stumps, ridding the yard of gophers, or intimidating neighbors?"

"He's in insurance, they don't -- Hey, can you really use it to get rid of gophers?"

"Guaranteed."

"Cool!" While talking the two found and opened a cooling vent on the transporter and slipped in the dynamite. Ron held up the end of a fuse, "Light me."

Shego ignited one finger. As the fuse hissed and sputtered its way towards the blasting caps she suggested, "We might want to get away from here, fast."

The two were barely out the door when a massive explosion rocked the lab, pushing out the walls – one of which collapsed on the fleeing pair.

Shego wasn't certain if a deathly quiet actually followed the explosion or if she suffered a hearing loss from the blast. She cautiously flexed everything she could move to the degree she could while encased in rubble, and found no obvious problems. The greatest source of discomfort came from a large, warm weight on her back.

"You alive, Stoppable?"

"What hit me?"

"A wall, near as I can tell. You didn't answer my question. You alive?"

"Hold on, let me check."

Like Shego, Ron found the rubble held him too tightly to allow free movement. "I guess I'm alive. I haven't got much wiggle room. If I'm dead I find if very disappointing."

"I really find that disappointing comment an insult."

"What do you mean?"

"Is that Rufus in your pocket or are you just glad to be buried alive with me?"

"I, uh, left Rufus at home."

"Move it or lose it, Stoppable. I don't want you prodding my kidneys from any direction." Ron tried to move, without much success. "Changed my mind, Ron. You feel like you're having way too much fun trying to move. Stop moving and figure out how you screwed up."

"You screwed things up. You put in too much dynamite," Ron complained.

"No I didn't. I have no idea why the explosion was that big. But if some idiot hadn't put too short a fuse on it there wouldn't have been a problem."

"I didn't put too short a fuse on it! I've got no idea why it went off so early. Too much dynamite! That was the problem."

"Too short a fuse. Who taught you how to time fuse length?"

"Kim, she can do anything."

"Well, no wonder you did it wrong. She was probably hoping you'd die in an accident and she'd collect your life insurance."

"Ha, you just won't admit you put in too much dynamite."

"Even if I put in too much – and I didn't. I know what I'm doing. It was the short fuse that caused the problem."

"Too much dynamite."

"Short fuse."

The sound of their quarrel enabled the rescuers to find the pair.

"What happened," the head of security asked as rescuers pulled them from the rubble.

"Questions later," a paramedic told him, "she needs to go to the hospital."

"No," Shego spoke up, "my first duty is to the security of the research center." She addressed her supervisor. "Because of the value of the alien technology I installed a couple extra monitors in the lab which would be off the main computers. I received a signal that something was happening and this young man," she nodded towards Ron, "bravely insisted on going along to provide backup."

"Initiative, from both of you, I like that." He stepped back and addressed two other security guards, "You two should be more like her. Shego, you are a credit to security guards everywhere." He saluted her bravery. She returned the salute from her stretcher as she and Ron were loaded onto an ambulance.

When Ron arrived at the hospital Admitting called his mother. His mother called Kim's house. Kim had already known of the explosion because the Research Center had called her father to report it.

"Great job," Kim told Kim, "you nearly killed both of the people we love."

"It wasn't my fault," Kim insisted. "Did you hear how much damage that lab had? You must have used way too much plastic explosive."

"Well, you're the one who…"

"Ha, see? How could I have known when they'd be there? It's not my fault when the timer was set."

"Well, Shego says someone had set off an alarm. I'll bet that was you who tripped it."

"No way. You just feel so guilty for using too much plastic explosive that you want to export some of your guilt."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Let's not argue about that. I think we can agree we need to do something nice for them."

Kim smiled, "I'm thinking of something very nice."

"You little…" Kim muttered under her breath.

"Did you ask Jim and Tim how much damage that bomb you confiscated from them could do?" Anne demanded of her husband.

"Well, no. I didn't want to sound too interested. And it wasn't very big. How could I know it would damage the lab that much?"

"You've got a degree in physics. You're supposed to know how much damage explosives can cause."

"But I didn't know what kind of explosives they used in the bomb."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better? Honestly, James, how could we face our daughter if we had killed their boy and girl friend?"

_"Well, I might not have to worry about Kim quite as much."_

Fortunately his wife lacked the power to read minds. "We really need to do something nice for them."

Wade had no one to blame but himself for nearly killing Shego and Ron. He knew he had disabled all the research center's alarms and hadn't realized Shego had installed alarms of her own. "I'll do something to make it up to them," he promised himself.

The preliminary examination showed no serious injuries to the pair, but the hospital wanted to keep them a couple nights for observation. Shego and Ron had been assigned the same hospital room by request. They explained they shared a room with only a curtain between them at home. Two hospital privacy curtains provided them with more than they were used to.

"Stoppable is a hero, he threw himself on top of me to save me," Shego explained to the Possibles when they came in Monday to visit the two. "In fact, he threw himself on me a couple times, just to make sure I was fine."

"Can you two keep it down," a large green woman, whose blue spots were rapidly fading complained for the other side of the hospital room. Flork, I don't know why I couldn't get a private room."

"Maybe it's because they've never heard of your insurance carrier," Shego shouted over.

"Can't be. Green Spear Green Hammer is recognized anywhere in the galaxy. I wouldn't leave home without it."

"And how do they file a claim?"

"Just sent the form off to Alpha Centauri, processing never takes more than a couple schunetz."

Shego rolled her eyes, and Ron stifled a laugh.

Warmonga left the next day, complaining to the nursing staff and mumbling something about, "'Mostly harmless?' I'm writing a letter to the editor."

James Possible stopped by alone for a brief visit in the morning of the day they were to be released from the hospital.

"I'm working on a surprise birthday party for Kims next week, and you two will be the guests of honor. I assume that's fine with you both."

"Couldn't be better," Shego grinned.

"Kim was in the Rocket Booster's Club when she was a kid, I was the sponsor out at the Research Center, and I'm planning to do a rocket theme. You two wouldn't mind coming out and getting fitted for space suits tomorrow, would you?"

"Not at all, Mr. Dr. P," Ron assured him.

"Since the party is a secret, don't mention it to Kim at all. Oh, and we're having the party on a rocket out at the Research Center. I'll have the two of you come out and suit up and get in the rocket before the party starts so you can surprise Kims when they get there.

---

--The End--

Don't come back next week. I will not be starting a story called:

**High on Love  
**or  
**Fly Me to the Moon**


	18. Rejected Endings

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

There were endings which I deemed unsuitable for Double Minded… As if any idea could be rejected from this story. Here are the ten I considered in what might jokingly be called the writing process.

Desperate plea for help: I want to write a one-shot linked to Double-Minded, but need about five lines in Italian. I've begged two people for help, and my pleas elicited no help (possibly some pity from hearing me beg. I will gladly accept pity if help accompanies it). Someone volunteered when I made an appeal in one forum, but has not answered my personal message follow-ups. Someone in another forum suggested using web translation software. I that figure produce would Italy as well as English it does. Or maybe that would be funnier to anyone who actually spoke Italian.

**Rejected Endings Considered for Double-Minded.  
**If you didn't like the ending I posted, this proves it could have been worse.**  
**

**No Kims: Version One  
Author's Note** - This story didn't need a tragic turn, it would have been too out of keeping with the earlier chapters.

Kim looked across the transporter platform to Kim. She swallowed hard. They turned to Wade, "Hit it," one said.

Ron suddenly found Shego's hand holding his tightly as Wade threw the first switch. As Wade adjusted controls the bodies of Kim began to glow with a greenish light, eventually Kims' features completely disappeared as the two green lights began to merge together.

A burst of yellow light exploded in the room as the young black man continued at the controls. "They're merged now. I just reverse the matter-energy setting and we're back to one Kim."

The yellow light began to fade as Wade worked with the transporter controls. But Kim's form failed to take shape in the glow.

"What's wrong?" Shego demanded.

"I don't know." Wade shouted, the concern in his voice worrying everyone in the lab.

"Stop it! Go back!" Anne Possible shouted.

"Too late!"

As the hum of the transporter faded so too did the yellow light on the transporter platform. Total silence reigned in the room for minutes which seemed like hours.

"Tell me you can fix that," Ron demanded.

**No Kims: Version Two  
****Author's Note** - Too many would want a sequel. This picks up from version one.

On the transporter platform a yellow light appeared. As Wade worked the controls it divided into two green lights.

"What's happening?" Anne Possible demanded.

"I don't know," Wade answered, "something is wrong."

"Don't lose her," Shego begged.

Wade worked frantically to reintegrate the light, but failed. Afraid of doing further damage he shut down the transporter.

Silence reigned in the lab as those watching the computer genius's efforts saw two Kims standing on the platform.

Kims looked at herself and one said something no one else understand, "It didn't work."

"Princess," Shego sighed. And to everyone's surprise a Kim jumped off the platform, threw her arms around the pale woman and gave her a passionate kiss.

Ron, meanwhile, had jumped on the platform and threw his arms around Kim, holding her tightly and kissing her with equal passion. "We were so worried. It's great to have you back."

"Back?" Kim asked, puzzled.

"I want to know why there are two of her," Anne Possible demanded.

Kim broke off from kissing Shego, "There've been two of me for almost two months."

Everyone but Kim seemed taken aback by her words.

"You disappeared almost two months ago when Warmonga attemped to transport you onto her ship," Wade explained.

"When she came after me I was so angry about what she'd done to you," Shego continued, "that I ended up putting her in the hospital."

James Possible stepped in to explain to his daughter(s) what had happened while she was gone, "I worked the government to try and get her a pardon for her help. They still haven't decided what to do with her, but she received permission to be here today with us… But why are you kissing her?" he asked Kim.

"I'm not, I'm kissing Ron," Kim pointed out.

"Kim," Kim hissed, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

"I'm not ever sure we're in Nebraska."

**One Kim: Version One  
**As Wade worked with the matter-energy conversion unit a single Kim coalesced from the yellow light.

**Author's Note** - I don't reveal what her orientation is, leaving it a mystery. That end had some attraction for me. Readers could decide what they wanted.

**One Kim: Version Two  
**I reveal her orientation to the readers.

**Author's Note** - Half of the readers are outraged and send hate reviews.

**One Kim: Version Three - The Mouse Version  
**Everyone stared at Kim for a minute as she shook her head, trying to adjust to being one again.

"Kim?" Ron asked timidly.

She turned to him, and smiled with obvious warmth. "Ron!"

Shego dropped his hand and turned away, she felt the tears start and wanted the leave the lab before anyone could witness her weakness.

"Shego," Kim called, "where are you going?"

"Out. Have fun…"

Shego was moving at a run when Kim's voice brought her to a skidding halt, "I love you!"

"What!" Ron and Shego said together.

Ron had started moving toward the platform to be with Kim, "But-- I thought--" he stuttered.

"Hush," Kim said, stepping down from the platform and taking him by the hand. As she led him toward Shego she continued, "I love you Ron, but I love Shego too." She took Shego's hand with her other hand. "There's got to be some way to make this work."

Even Ron's usual ability to conjure up fantasy scenarios seemed to fail as he and Shego looked each other in the eye.

"Somehow I don't think this is going to work, Princess," Shego said. "I think you're going to have to decide one way or another."

"Why?" Kim demanded.

Ron's eyes had started to glaze over just a little, but he still followed the conversation.

"Three isn't an even number," Shego pointed out, "I just don't think relationships work with odd numbers."

"We could talk with Bonnie," Ron suggested. "She seems pretty open minded."

**Author's Note** - Not Mouse as in Mickey. Mouse is a reviewer who likes a good threesome, but will take a bad threesome or four on the bed in a pinch.

**Two Kims  
****Author's Note**** -** I decided fairly early that keeping two Kims would provide the happiest ending. I considered a number of different ways to keep both, but what I wrote in chapter 17 seemed the most cartoon like.

**Three Kims  
****Author's Note**** -** While a transporter malfunction would give me a third Kim easily enough I wasn't sure what to do with her -- although either Bonnie or Alex would have been happy to solve my problem for me.

**Four Kims: Version One  
****Author's Note**- If Double-Minded was confusing this could have been chaos.

"Just stand over there on the transporter platform," Wade told the Kims, who nervously moved over to the unit while Wade stood by the console.

"Is this safe?" her mother asked.

"Well, I couldn't exactly test it, but if I read the directions right this is standard procedure for re-joining an individual who's been split."

"What if one of the Kims is from a parallel dimension?" James asked.

"Theory says we still have both Kims after I try this, and I have to reboot and run a diagnostic to see if it can pinpoint where she came from."

On a nervous glance over at Ron Shego caught him glancing nervously at her. She had nothing against Ron personally, despite his taste in girlfriends, but if the choice was her being heartbroken or him being heartbroken… He was young, he'd get over losing Kim. She imagined his feelings mirrored her own. Well, she suspected Ron wouldn't mind getting her and Kim both in bed. Would she be willing to share Kim if it came to that? She looked over at Ron again. Maybe she could let Ron have Kim on alternate Thursdays.

"All set?" Wade asked Kims.

They nodded, glancing at each other, "Been nice knowing you," they said simultaneously to the other and gave each other a nervous smile.

"Three… Two…" Wade began a countdown, "One… Zero!" There was a crackle, a bang, and white smoke filled the lab, obscuring everyone's vision.

The coughing stopped as the emergency vent cleared the room of smoke. The watchers anxiously watched the platform as the fog of smoke dissipated.

"That can't be right," Anne said in amazement. That appeared to be the opinion of the four Kims who stood on the platform, eyeing each other.

"Expletive deleted," Wade said. "It wasn't supposed to work like that."

"Well, doh," Shego commented. "Princess, you okay?"

Two of them turned to her and smiled.

"KP?" Ron asked.

Two of them looked at him and broke into a grin.

"BOOYAH!" Ron exclaimed. "The Ron man hit the jackpot."

**Four Kims: Version Two  
****Author's Note**- Or, if the story was not weird enough already.

"Let me try again," Wade begged. "I think I know what I did wrong."

"No way," Anne Possible told him. "We can't afford the risk of having eight."

"Well we have to do something," two Kims said, "I'm not sharing Ron, even with me."

"Let me try, please," Ron begged.

"No…"

"Ron? Have you ever wanted to be twins?" a Kim asked.

"I don't know what you… One of me for each of you?"

"Now see here," James interrupted. "I don't know about where this is going."

"Well, if there are four of me," a Kim explained to him, "the two of me each want a Shego, and the two of the other me each want a Ron."

"I'd advise against that," Wade said. "I'm not sure if I can duplicate what I--"

"You just duplicated me," three Kims pointed out.

Four Kims came down from the platform and pushed a nervous Shego and scared looking Ron on to the platform. The four Kims moved back to be with her parents. "Here's looking at you kid," Shego said to the young man.

"Appears I'll be seeing you in stereo in just a minute."

"Do you need time to think about this?" Anne asked.

"If I think about it I'll back out," Shego called. "Hit it now, Wade."

There was an eerie familiarity with the second crackle, bang, and cloud of acrid smoke. When the ventilator had cleared enough smoke to give Kims a view of the platform they saw only two figures standing there. But as the smoke continued to clear it became apparent that Ron and Shego had changed in ways other than number.

Ron stood slightly shorter than he had before, with more curves. He looked in amazement at his chest. As he put his shaking hand up he hoped it would pass through another holographic boob. There was nothing holographic about his cup size. Sudden fear seized him and Ron reached between his legs to check an essential aspect of his Ron-ness. "It's gone!" he announced in a voice with a higher pitch than he normally spoke in.

Shego had grown several inches in height and broader across the chest even as her hips had narrowed. Shego's chest was flat, and as Ron made 'his' announcement of missing parts Shego fearfully reached down to check her equipment. "I, ah, seem to have found what you lost."

**Four Kims: Version Three  
****Author's Note**- The duplication of Shego and Ron works, but, while weird, it seemed too clunky to consider.

**-- All the Ends that Were Fit to Post, and Then Some --**


End file.
